It's only two cents
People love their opinions. I know I have them.
Better yet - almost better than having them - we love to share them with anyone who will listen (and those who don't as well).
"Well, I guess I'll put my two cents in!"
Now, I understand. Not only do we have opinions, the reason we often want to share them is because we think they will be helpful (so we think). "So, whether you asked for it or not - here is my opinion - and you might want to listen - because I know what I am talking about."
Isn't this the reason for talk radio...editorials...and better yet...
BLOGS!
Yikes!
Here's the thing we should not forget - when someone offers their "two cents," remember - IT'S ONLY TWO CENTS!
But we rarely value our own opinion as just two cents - often mistaking our thoughts as being worth much more than pennies. So, instead of sharing "Here is what I would do," we quickly jump into, "Here is what you SHOULD do!"
Recently someone gave me a quote that has stuck with me - and I try to keep it front of mind whenever I am about to share my 'two cents' - and the quote is -
"Don't 'should' on me!"
Honestly, who wants to be 'should' on?
Whenever you are in a conversation and someone starts telling you what you 'should' do - how does that make you feel? Were you even asking for a solution?
In all fairness - it is an easy rut to fall into. Why? Because we have grown up in a society that loves to fix.
You got a problem? I can fix it!!!! And here's what you 'should" do!
Whether it is your spouse, kids, friends - or sometimes the stranger off the street - if we here a problem - we quickly add a solution.
But, is this really what the person is ultimately looking for? Think back to a time when you unloaded some feelings on someone. What were you really looking to do? Have your feelings or problem fixed - or be heard and understood?
I am betting it was probably the latter. So, the question is - did you feel that way after your interaction?
Did you feel like this person really tried to understand how and what you were feeling - or did they go into fix mode and "should" on you?
This is a tricky, tricky thing - and not something I can get into too much in a single blog - but I wanted to put it out there as something to think about.
If you truly care about a person - and they are coming to you to share some things they are really thinking or struggling with - might they be looking for a solution from you - or perhaps are they just really seeking to be heard and understood?
The truth is - when we are dealing with something difficult - we often know in our heart what we need to do - but it doesn't mean it is the easy thing to do. We struggle with it, we even fight it, and often times we commiserate with others how difficult or unfair the situation is - but deep down inside - we know what the right thing to do is.
So, when we do open up to someone - we don't want to be 'should' upon - we want to feel heard, supported, understood, and loved!
Yes, the temptation for the other person is to "fix," but if we can just resist the urge - and seek to understand more clearly what the other person is feeling (regardless of our personal opinions) - you allow them to explore deeper and get clearer on what it is exactly they are feeling - and what they need to do. By doing this - we allow them to better understand themself.
Now, I am not going to say you 'should' try this next time the opportunity arises - but I dare you to!
Those are just my two cents - and they really are just two cents :)
Much love,
Travis
PS - Get coached this week - give me a call! 561.676.4583
travis@directlifecoach.com
Better yet - almost better than having them - we love to share them with anyone who will listen (and those who don't as well).
"Well, I guess I'll put my two cents in!"
Now, I understand. Not only do we have opinions, the reason we often want to share them is because we think they will be helpful (so we think). "So, whether you asked for it or not - here is my opinion - and you might want to listen - because I know what I am talking about."
Isn't this the reason for talk radio...editorials...and better yet...
BLOGS!
Yikes!
Here's the thing we should not forget - when someone offers their "two cents," remember - IT'S ONLY TWO CENTS!
But we rarely value our own opinion as just two cents - often mistaking our thoughts as being worth much more than pennies. So, instead of sharing "Here is what I would do," we quickly jump into, "Here is what you SHOULD do!"
Recently someone gave me a quote that has stuck with me - and I try to keep it front of mind whenever I am about to share my 'two cents' - and the quote is -
"Don't 'should' on me!"
Honestly, who wants to be 'should' on?
Whenever you are in a conversation and someone starts telling you what you 'should' do - how does that make you feel? Were you even asking for a solution?
In all fairness - it is an easy rut to fall into. Why? Because we have grown up in a society that loves to fix.
You got a problem? I can fix it!!!! And here's what you 'should" do!
Whether it is your spouse, kids, friends - or sometimes the stranger off the street - if we here a problem - we quickly add a solution.
But, is this really what the person is ultimately looking for? Think back to a time when you unloaded some feelings on someone. What were you really looking to do? Have your feelings or problem fixed - or be heard and understood?
I am betting it was probably the latter. So, the question is - did you feel that way after your interaction?
Did you feel like this person really tried to understand how and what you were feeling - or did they go into fix mode and "should" on you?
This is a tricky, tricky thing - and not something I can get into too much in a single blog - but I wanted to put it out there as something to think about.
If you truly care about a person - and they are coming to you to share some things they are really thinking or struggling with - might they be looking for a solution from you - or perhaps are they just really seeking to be heard and understood?
The truth is - when we are dealing with something difficult - we often know in our heart what we need to do - but it doesn't mean it is the easy thing to do. We struggle with it, we even fight it, and often times we commiserate with others how difficult or unfair the situation is - but deep down inside - we know what the right thing to do is.
So, when we do open up to someone - we don't want to be 'should' upon - we want to feel heard, supported, understood, and loved!
Yes, the temptation for the other person is to "fix," but if we can just resist the urge - and seek to understand more clearly what the other person is feeling (regardless of our personal opinions) - you allow them to explore deeper and get clearer on what it is exactly they are feeling - and what they need to do. By doing this - we allow them to better understand themself.
Now, I am not going to say you 'should' try this next time the opportunity arises - but I dare you to!
Those are just my two cents - and they really are just two cents :)
Much love,
Travis
PS - Get coached this week - give me a call! 561.676.4583
travis@directlifecoach.com
Labels: direct life coaching, life coaching, listening, self-help, travis thomas
3 Comments:
Another great blog. Thanks for putting it out there.
You are like a hybrid. Some one who is traveling and helping yourself and others minimize the mental and audible pollution we spray on others. Our atmosphere is cleaner because of you! Thanks. ;-)
QL
T,
Thanks for this, it was timely in my life right now. Sometimes I give and hear enough "shoulds" it could be classified as diarrhea. Thanks for the eye opener, well put.
JF
Trav, You forgot to factor in inflation. It's at least $0.035 now.
But, that's just my 0.02 Euros (make the switch while you can)
PK
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