Direct Life Coaching

How well do you handle disappointment?

Come on, be honest. It's not like you can't relate. Who hasn't dealt with their fair share of things not working out the way they would have liked? If this doesn't apply to you - give me a call :)

When I think about the growth I am making in my life, this is one of the most important questions I ask myself. It is kind of my barometer of checking how well I am really coming along.

Mainly, when disappointment comes - what are my initial thoughts? Are they angry, frustrated, anxious, stressed? Or, are they calm, peaceful, understanding, and joyful? Joy...yeah, can you believe that one?

So today - when I got that call I didn't want to get, and there was disappointment on the other side - how did I do?

First of all, while I was on the actual call, I noticed my stomach was nervous. My heart was beating. I was able to observe this happening, which was a little discouraging because my goal was to not be so attached to the outcome. My body was telling me I was very attached to the results. The reason this is my goal is because I am working at becoming less attached to how "I think" things should work out, and instead, find the ability to express joy and peace no matter the result.

When I got the news I didn't want to hear today - it put me on a bit of a roller coaster ride of emotions and thoughts for the rest of the day. At some points I was keeping everything in perspective - while at others I was letting my ego run wild with feeling like a victim, and just sad and discouraged.

I kept thinking about a quote a friend of mine sent me a few months ago. It is an anecdote relayed in one of Rumi's poems, translated by Coleman Barks. A sheik was asked once what the true meaning of Sufism was, "It is the feeling of joy when sudden disappointment comes!"

There you have it. That is the game I am playing - being aware of my level of joy when sudden disappointment comes. It came today - and my immediately feeling was not joy. But, and this is a big BUT - I knew it should be. For me, that is progress. Sure, my ego ran wild during the day feeling wronged, afraid, and walked on - but I knew it was those thoughts keeping my from joy.

Why joy? Because I honestly feel that I am living my life in a way where I am doing the best I can, and listening to make the best decisions possible. I wake up everyday and I pray and listen and follow. This is a daily active commitment - and I trust the results - even when I don't like them.

A few months ago I started a new daily commitment of getting real quiet and still - doing some deep prayerful listening - and then writing. Not thinking about it - just writing. You can sort of call it a dictation from my inner spiritual thoughts. So, here is my dictation from a few days ago - and it really resonated once I went back and reread it today.

Quick explanation - when I refer to "Travis," I am referring to myself when I am guided by ego-driven thoughts. I don't see this as my true self. So, here you go:

Wednesday, May 27th

There are two roads that ultimately lead to the same place. The first road is called "Your opinion," and the second road is called "The way it is." There is peace to be found on both roads, but only one of the roads brings lasting peace - and knowing which road that provides this is pretty obvious. So why is it that we continue to map our path down the road of "Your opinion?"

Travis somehow gets tricked into feeling that "Your opinion" provides opportunities for him to steer God in the direction that is best for Travis. There are two stupid assumptions here. 1) Travis knows what is best for him. 2) God does not.

How does Travis allow himself to get tricked into this reasoning time and time again? Travis quickly forgets that where he is right now is the result of traveling down "The way it is." He likes to look back and think that his path is the result of his awesome driving on the road of "Your opinion," or worse, he looks back in regret at what terrible decisions he has made in the past. Either way, he fools himself into thinking that where he sits right now is his doing.

The real me (the real Travis) is patient. Not patient from the standpoint of "waiting" for Travis to get a clue, but patient from the standpoint of knowing that Travis' growth has no outcome on the path of reality. In fact, I am fine with Travis going his whole life trying to drive on "your opinion," because the choices he makes don't add up to anything in the end anyway - they are just illusion. It reminds him of 4 year old Holland sitting at race car video game thinking that he is playing, when in fact there is no money in the machine. He grips the wheel and watches the action in front of him convinced he is actually making an impact - but nothing he does has any effect on the game. He doesn't know any different, and when he get up from his seat, he is convinced he has won. Yet, not a single thing made any difference on the result. Ouch, that is kind of hitting home right now.

So, on the road of "your opinion" there are major ups and downs, highs and lows, pride and envy, pushing and pulling, wrestling and sweating, struggling, fighting, stressing, worrying, doubting, questioning, waiting, hating, losing, winning, losing again, failing, dying, crawling, battling, and eventually, after it all - there is finally - ENDING. The road of "your opinion" comes to an end, but where do you find yoursef...

On an on ramp to the road of "What is."

After all of the effort and toil and time spent on "Your opinion," you find yourself naked, vulnerable, stripped clean, and FREE on the road of "What is." On the road of "What is" there is only peace and joy. Every moment is the perfect moment - not because it is what you wanted, but because it is what God unfolded. Is there any need for further debate? On the road of "What is" there is no ego, doubt, or fear - because there is no "dream job," "Ideal ending," "best case scenario," "dream guy/girl," or even "perfect solution." Every unfolded moment is perfection is motion, Nature pulling back another petal, harmony expressed. On the road of "What is" there are no delayed flights or "running late," because there are no time constraints to butt up against. Every moment is what it is supposed to be, and our only role is to participate in each moment with grace, love, and humility. By expressing these three qualities we bring ourselves into alignment with the oneness of the whole moment. We are not "in the moment" - because we are actually part of the moment. We are one piece of the symphonic puzzle all working in concert with one another, yet we are not separate from any of the other pieces. We are all interconnected, joined in unity and harmony, so it is senseless to try to question our role in the whole. It is only by questioning and attempting to control - that we separate ourselves from the peace of "what is," and fall back to the chaos and disappointment of "your opinion."

There are two roads, they both lead to the same place, yet one road only begins, when the other road ends.


That is how I am handling disappointment.

Have a great day!

Much love - Travis

Labels: direct life coaching, poetry, Rumi, self-help, Sufism, two roads