Direct Life Coaching

I was at the theater teaching improv last night, and before class I was small talking (compared to big talking) with one of the guys and he was ranting out of frustration that everyone he dealt with was filled with so much B.S. (bull manure). Whether it was who he was working with, or personal relationships...he just couldn't understand the quality that makes people lie. I sat there and tried to comfort him some...tried to think of a great response...I probably mumbled something to him...but it really made me think..."Why all the BS?"

We all BS...don't we? I had to sit there and evaluate myself...and figure out where I sit on the BS scale. Honestly...I think I sit pretty low...but...I guess I BS from time to time. So why, why, why do we do it?

In my opinion, myself included, we BS at times because telling someone the truth can be tough. I am not talking about outright lying...I am talking about "dancing around the brutal truth" so that the sting isn't so potent. You know, being an acting teacher, I give notes to students...and I always give honest notes. No BS there. But, when it comes to finding the positive feedback to give, sometimes the BS kicks in because you want desperately to give that person something good to take away...even if the note is..."You did a great job in that scene by not going into the scene."

When I videotape these young kid shows...and that parents point out how cute their child is to me...you can bet I agree wholeheartidly. "Oh yes...Tommy's three eyes does make him more handsome!" Yes...YOU WOULD TOO!

And, come on...when it comes to dating (so very long ago)...who among us hasn't BS'd some in order not to hurt feelings? Yes...keep those hands up...I am counting!

Again...we are not talking Enron here. That is not BSing...although...come to think of it...it might have started off that way. One little exaggeration here...leads to another one...then a bigger one...than you need to give a report to the Board...so you boost the numbers some more...and then you need to fudge this...which makes you fudge that...than you got fudge all over the place, so you create a separate set of books all together...and before you know it...all the major networks have "made for TV" movies about you (none of which are that good)...and the whole business world asks themselves..."How did this happen?"

Okay...I've confused myself...what is my point? I guess, to get to the root...we BS (big and small) out of fear of the truth. Fear of hurting others...and fear of hurting ourselves (covering our butt). So we BS. We tell kids...don't lie because one lie leads to another. It's true. So simple...yet can be so difficult to practice.

One of the things I shared when talking with my acting student last night was this...we run into people who express qualities we like...so we work with those people...we are friends with those people....and hopefully those are the people we love and marry. We find plenty of other people who doesn't exhibit qualities we like...so instead of BSing them...we just don't really need to work with them...or start relationships with them.

I am not talking about being cold and exclusive. I am really talking about trying to express qualities and traits that make you a better person...a person you like being. For me, it is connecting with more spiritual qualities that I know make up the core of who I am. Qualities such as honesty, compassion, and joy. When we do this, the best way to make us a better person is to surround ourselves with others who bring out those good qualities in us. In turn, we do the same for them. Before you know it...you drop your BSing and defensive qualities because there is no need for them. You can shoot straight and be honest because you have put yourself in a fear-free environment...around people who understand you and who you can trust. There is no need for deception.

I have this with my improv partners. I have this with my wife. I have this with my friends. Actually...in all my little ventures...I have this. Not out of coincidence...but because I choose to associate with people who don't require a "song and dance" (although I love singing and dancing).

So, can business exist without the BS? I think so...and most of them are not only surviving...they're excelling.

That's it!

But before I go...I just want to tell you how good-looking you are...really...you are the most attractive person ever to read this blog...I am serious!

--Travis

To me, when it comes to working well as a team, putting your ego aside is the greatest challenge to overcome. Why? Because we ALL have one, and whether we accept it or not, we are always looking for ways to validate our ideas, thus satisfying our ego. It makes sense. If you have a job (I don't), and you plan on keeping it, your ego is a sort of defense mechanism that kicks in to let everyone else know how smart, creative, clever, poised, etc. etc. etc. you are. This in turn gives you a little sense of job security...because come on...who else can come up with those ideas?

The problem is, when we are a part of a team, the ego becomes a major roadblock in collaboration. In improvisation, one of the first things we try to "teach out" of people is the need to be right...or the winner. In fact, I even go so far to say that "being a loser" makes for a great improvisor. Why? Because that means you don't get caught into pushing your agenda, and instead, will latch on to your partners ideas and help them grow. Trust me, there is nothing passive about this, in fact, it takes so much more skill than someone who is being stubborn. Come on, my almost 4-year old daughter already has mastered stubbornness when she wants something...it's not that skillful of a quality. But, to be able to have an idea, and to find a way to partner your idea with someone else's idea, or to even drop your idea and build off of their idea...well...that takes a whole lot of skill. It requires flexibility, creativity, and of course...humility.

Humility. Are you humble enough to accept you don't have all the answers? Are you humble enough to honestly collaborate with other people's ideas...even if they aren't as "senior" as you? Are you humble enough for the team to be successful, even if it means you get less to little credit? These are tough questions to answer.

Few people have bigger egos than actors. It is such a rejection oriented field, if you truly don't believe in yourself, than the rejection will kill you. But this is where I have learned the best lessons in putting my ego aside. As an improvisational actor, and know as a parnter in founding, directing, and performing in my own group, putting my ego aside is key. I feel blessed to have two partners that bring strong ideas to the table...but even more importantly...they are team players. As a threesome...we can sit down for an hour...and in that small period of time...we have mapped out or next show. The ideas flow back and forth, no one gets their feelings hurt, and when it is all said and done, no one can remember who thought of what, but instead, we chalk it up to collaboration. In essence, instead of three heads, it is the power of one mind.

One mind? In my definition of Spirit, Mind is a synonymous name for God. This concept has helped me over the years in being able to put my ego aside...whether it has been work, improv, sports, or marriage. I believe that there are millions of ideas, but that they all originate from the same source...Spirit or God. Not only do I feel I have a direct connection to those ideas, I feel everyone has the same connection. If this is the case, my ideas are not really "my" ideas, but ultimately come from Spirit. So, when I am working on a project with a team, I pray and focus on the spiritual fact that it doesn't matter who comes up with the ideas, because they all come from the same source. Whether it is me or my partner, the end result is what really matters. So, when it comes to job satisfaction, the best worker isn't the one who comes up with the best ideas. The best worker is the one who knows how to bring those ideas out of the team, and the ability to do something with the ideas as they come out. That requires micro and macro thinking, left and right brain thinking, ying and yang. How many of us have the ability to do that?

As soon as you stop defending and protecting your own precious ego...and begin to work with and build up other ideas...you will then become the smartest person in the room.

What do you think?

Travis