Direct Life Coaching

Okay...if you're like me...you're picturing Mr. Cunningham (can't think of his real name) picking up an overloaded trash bag...the bag breaks...and the world's worst looking trash spills all over the floor. Uh...uh...uh...should of got Glad!

My blog today is not about trash bags...or "Happy Days," but it was the cheesiest tag I could come up with to sum up today's blog concept...and here it is...

Do you have a problem with your boss, a co-worker, or a project you've been assigned to? Are you having a problem with your current situation at all? Although my example today is not so much a work problem - the idea still applies!

My wife and I traveled across country, as you know. We were flying without the kids, so we were plenty stress-free, but what did have us a little worried was the little time we had to make our connection in Atlanta (50 minutes).

If everything stayed on time - no problem:) But it didn't - problem :(

Our flight out of Palm Beach was delayed 45 minutes, and by the time we landed in Atlanta, we should've already been on our connection - we weren't. Now, if all the other flights were delayed we could still make the connection...but they weren’t...so we didn't.

Let me back things up on you.

As soon as my wife and I found out our flight was delayed, we shot each other those "here we go" eyes, but then we both got our act together. We had both prayed about our travel - from the standpoint that we (and everyone else) were operating within Spirit's (God's) plan - not outside of it. We had our vision of how we wanted the day to go - but our prayers were about relying on God's protection and direction to keep us safe - and knowing that whatever the circumstances - we were always being guided where we needed to be.

While on the plane, instead of constantly checking our watch, or stressing about the connection - we both were able to sit back and relax because we knew that whatever happened - we would be fine.

In fact, we kept reminding each other that there wasn't anything we could do about our circumstances except choose how we were going to respond. I couldn't speed the captain up or radio to the tower to hold our flight...it was out of our control - so there was no reason getting all stressed out.

That can be easier said than done. A friend of mine recommended a new book by Byron Katie entitled, "Loving what is." I have yet to finish the whole thing, but one of the main ideas is that most of our stress and worry comes from trying to change things that we cannot control. Which, when you boil right down to it, is pretty much everything in your life - except your own response! That is the only thing you can control. Not the weather, other drivers on the road, your boss, your employees, your spouse (good luck), your kids (better luck), the government, etc. You can't control ANY of them...not a one!

The one and ONLY thing you can control is how you choose to respond. Now, that new perspective takes all of the pressure off your back - because you are not the one in control! And, although you cannot control anything - your response has a major INFLUENCE on everything. You influence your boss, employees, spouse, kids, other drivers, politics, etc. by how you choose to respond to them. Period!

So, back to our delay. Once we got off the plane and looked at the monitor to see that we missed our flight, there was a quick moment of dejection, but that was it - there was nothing we could do. We were grateful that there was another flight in just over 2 hours, so we got our seats then grabbed some lunch.

Once we got on our flight, the woman sitting next to us told us she was glad she wasn't on the earlier flight (our original flight). She then told us that her boss was on that flight and that they had been sitting on the runway for 3 hours waiting for a part for the plane, and they weren't sure they were going to get off at all.

Now, let me clarify one thing, I don't think our prayers kept us off that flight, nor do I think the people on that flight deserved to be delayed. The lesson learned for me is that all we can ever do is deal with "what is," not "what we want to happen." Sometimes they sync up, but when they don't, I think the goal is to be able to see the goodness and guidance that is in that present situation. My wife and I didn’t have a problem finding our blessing – and I am confident everyone on the original flight could find theirs as well.

Mary Baker Eddy writes in Science and Health, "Willingness to become as a little child and to leave the old for the new, renders thought receptive of the advanced idea." Leaving the old for the new is what we are constantly challenged to do. The "old" is everything we wish we could change. The "new" is embracing the current situation with a spiritual and positive perspective - thus allowing us to see our next step, solution (i.e. "advanced idea").

How many "old ideas" are you still trying to change? Isn't it time you accepted "what is" so that you can open your thought to the advanced idea?

Let me put it more plainly - "Don't be mad - get Glad!"

Much love!

Travis

(This could possibly be my worst title ever)

I meant to write this blog three nights ago from Victoria BC while looking out our hotel room into the harbor...but my wife's keyboard is too small, so I didn't. Then, the next night I was going to write this from our friend's condo in Seattle...but I didn't want to ignore my wife for that long...so I passed.

Now, I am back in Florida...it's 2:00 in the morning...which is really only 11:00pm for me because I am still on west coast time...so I guess I'll finally get that blog done.

Anyway, it's good to be back, and now on with that awful pun from the title.

So, we were watching TV in bed while in Canada, and Larry King Live came on (I don't usually watch), and he was interviewing Rachel Ray. Now, just so you know, my wife is a Rachel Ray freak! She loves her...cheesiness and all...she loves her! So, being in the house most of the day like I am...Rachel is usually on in my background.

Now, I think she does her thing well...but it is her story that really fascinates me...and honestly...gives me a renewed sense of hope (as it should you).

(Here is the Trav-densed version) A mere ten years ago, Rachel was working for a small grocery store in upstate New York. Yes, a small grocery store. The store was trying to attract more business so Rachel had the idea to offer a cooking class on making 30-minute meals (since that is what the pizza places were promoting...30 minutes). Well, right before the classes started, their cook quit...so Rachel took over the class. One of the local news channels heard about the class and did a story. Then, they decided to make it a regular segment on their show. Well, then Al Roker of The Today Show saw the segments and loved it...so they brought Rachel on the Today Show. That helped land her a gig on the Food Network...and then she has taken off from there...having authored over a dozen books...having like 3-4 different shows...and is now starting her own talk show. All this - and she was working at a grocery store in upstate New York.

Can you feel the hope? Now, I am not saying that we all aspire to be famous and have our own shows, but I know that we don't always feel we are in the right spot. Trust me, not many comedic actors got their big break in Jupiter, FL...actually...none have.


The point is, wherever you are - you can make the best of it - and let the cards fall as they will. One of my favorite quotes in Science and Health has been shared a lot, but this idea reminds me of it. Mary Baker Eddy writes, "To those leaning on the sustaining infinite - today is big with blessings!" I know one thing, I try my best on a day-to-day basis to really lean on that sustaining infinite. For me it is Love and Spirit - that feeling that I am surrounded with all of the inspiration and care that I need...no matter where I am...even in Jupiter, FL.

There have been so many times when I have questioned if I am in the right job, doing the right thing, living in the right place...but I have always been taken care of and provided for - and usually in abundance. "Big blessings" I guess ;)

I just finished reading another book called "The Way of the Peaceful Warrior," another terrific book if you want to be pushed mentally and spiritually. It is a teacher and student relationship where the teacher continually asks the student, "Where are you...and What time is it?" After many years the student finally figures out the simple answer to both questions, those being, "Here...and now!"

Isn't that always the case? Wherever you are right now, that is where you are...RIGHT NOW! Spirit is with you right now, and no matter what you need - Spirit can provide. Whatever you need - today (right now) is big with blessings!

Snack on that for awhile ;)

Much love (and it's good to be home),

Travis

(I apologize in advance for the longer blog this week)
I picked my daughter up from preschool the other day. I said hello to the teacher helping my daughter into the car, but accidentally called her by the wrong name. I felt a little embarrassed when the teacher corrected me - I apologized - and told the teacher that I wasn't the smartest cookie in the jar.

At that point, my 4 year-old daughter added, "Yeah...and he toots!"

What...why would she say that? It must be her mother's influence ;)

For a split second I struggled as to how to explain that one - but it was no use - the damage was done.

All I could do was look the chuckling teacher in the eye, shrug my shoulders, and laugh it off.

Kids...they say the darndest things...right Cosby?

There are certain things that we all do as humans...all of us...but when it comes to some of these things - we just never want to be called on them in public.

We all have this "image" that we try to uphold, and we do a pretty good job maintaining that image at work, with friends, in the community, and even at your daughter's preschool - that is - until your daughter "outs" you in front of one of her teachers.

Business is no different. Success is about image. You try to create a brand that people are attracted to. As an employee you try to create a valuable image that makes you feel important within the constructs of your company. Because, if you can "sell" yourself as being valuable to the company - you feel a sense of security. Just as in relationships - when you meet someone new you try to uphold a favorable image as long as you can - hopefully until the point that they like you enough to accept your faults.

The truth is...none of us are perfect - not individually - and not as a company.

This should be okay, but most often, it's the reality that companies and individuals try to deny. Instead of looking ourselves in the mirror and accepting our faults and finding away to improve - we lie, deny. deflect, and try to throw up as much smoke and mirrors as we can to hide the truth.

Think Enron. When things started to go bad, instead of facing up to the truth they went further and further into the rabbit's hole until their reality was just as skewed as Alice's herself. If you lie enough - you just might convince yourself and others that the lie is actually the truth - and then you reach the point of no return.

Last Fall I MC'd the WorldBlu Forum on Organizational Democracy in Washington D.C. The message of David Weinberger's keynote address still rings in my ears. He said that the one quality most missing in business today is fallibility (did I spell that right).

Fallibility. Or, more plainly...the ability to make mistakes...to fail...screw up...you get it.

Mistakes...what? But, what will my co-worker's think of me if I make mistakes? What will my boss do if I screw up? And, on a larger scale...what will our customers and shareholders think if they see our flaws and realize we don't have all the answers?

Well, what would we think?

Do we quit liking someone when we see their mistakes? Do we quit buying a product if it's not perfect? Even bigger...what will my daughter's preschool teacher think now that she knows that I toot?

It is my opinion that it is not the mistakes that make people angry - but rather the failure for people to face up to their mistakes when they make them.

Mistakes we can all live with - but blatant deception is rarely unforgivable.

This is why the general public rarely trusts "big business" or politicians...because we rarely see the accountability that comes with making mistakes. They think (as we all get caught doing the same) that if we can just deny long enough - we'll be able to figure out a way to fix it.

How does that usually work out?

Blogs have become the kryptonite to "big businesses" super powers. If the truth is out there - there is usually someone on the inside who will find a way to get it out. Technology makes it much more difficult to be "perfect," because when you're not - it is not hard to be exposed. We should actually thank technology for this.

Instead, businesses are being forced to be more accountable for their actions - and mistakes. Once we admit that it is okay to make mistakes - we give others and ourselves permission to be themselves instead of hiding behind facades. Employees will feel the freedom to be more creative and involved when they aren't feeling the pressure to work mistake free. When we aren't so concerned with covering our behind - we have more ability to focus and be open to opportunity.

One of the agreements in Ruiz's "The Four Agreements" is to "Do your best." When you do your best you leave no room for regret or shame. That is really all the best we can ask of others or ourselves. We hear it all the time - but we seldom consider what it really means.

As a soccer player - I was on the losing end of many matches. If it was a game where I played my best and felt that I left it all on the field - I could live with the disappointment. If I lost and knew I didn't do my best - those are the games that take a little longer to forget.

You don't have to hide behind failure when you do your best. If your best doesn't live up to someone else's standards, or your best doesn't get the job done - there are no needs for regret. To express our best spiritually means that our thoughts and motives are in the right place…and then we let the results unfold as they may. In a sense, we can feel detached from the results, because living and doing our best isn’t so much about the results – but about choosing to be the best we can be. Sure, you might feel a sting of disappointment when things don’t work out the way you had hoped - but you won't be haunted by thoughts of, "If only I had tried harder." You did your best - move on.

We're all fallible - and come on - that's a good thing. No one gets married thinking they are marrying the person they met on the first date. The more we commit to someone or something - the more flaws we will be find. But if we are honest with ourselves and others - we will forgive and be forgiven. Heck, we might even grow to love the flaws as well...

That is...unless your flaw is tooting...then that's a whole different story.

Much love!

Travis

PS - I will be gone in Seattle for a wedding for a week - so I will blog back at you next week!

I just finished a very spirited conversation with a friend, and by the end of the call I realized - I don't know a whole lot. I think I actually know less than I thought I did.

Let me explain.



We got talking about work, and living a life where we feel we are pursuing our highest calling - whatever that means. She has been dragging her feet about career decisions so she was lamenting over that... then GET THIS...she had the gall to compliment me on having everything figured out based on my current lifestyle.

What?? Me...figured out my life calling??? Does she know who she is talking to?

What she calls having "it" "figured out," others might call "unemployment" or "irresponsibility." I actually think I fall into that really, really, really, extremely gray area in between...we're talking Grecian formula for Men gray!

Lest my blogs fool you (and I don't think they do) - I've got very little figured out!

The more we spoke though, one idea did become clear of what I do have a firm grasp on. Now, I might not be able to tell you exactly what I want to do in life, for career, etc., but I can definitely tell you what I DO NOT want to do in life. That has been the easy part.

It really seems that most of my major career decisions have been based on knowing what I didn't want - compared to knowing exactly what I did want. Isn't that life though? When someone asks you where to go for dinner it usually takes them offering 20 restaurants before one finally clicks. Or, when finding yourself in the wrong relationship - you might not know what you want - but you know it's time to move on from your current situation. So, why are you holding on?

Over the past year and a half, I have avoided certain job decisions like the plague - those being the decisions that I clearly know will not make me happy. This has made things feel scary and uncertain at times - but I wouldn't trade that in for the unhappiness and misery of working in a job that I cannot enjoy.

The biggest obstacle stopping my friend is that she doesn't know what her true calling is - so she continues to stay put until the better alternative presents itself. Sure, that makes sense. But, it makes so much sense that "the better alternative" will never come along.

We all want to have our cake and eat it to - but we can't - and our career is no different. Some people call it making the leap of faith, but I don't think it needs to be that dramatic.

Following your heart and true motives should not be a risk. It should be a relief. Even if you don't know where your path is leading you, or what that "dream job" looks like, you are never going to find it as long as you are still distracted by the fog of your current situation. When you take a positive step in that direction - the next step will appear in one form or another. We seldom get the whole big picture laid out for us, because what would be the point? When you buy a puzzle, how fun would it be if the pieces came already in place? (Note: that is a different puzzle analogy than my previous blog, and not contradictory...I know you were thinking that). :)

In Science and Health, Mary Baker Eddy does a better job of summing up my thoughts when she writes, "Man walks in the direction towards which he looks, and where his treasure is, there will his heart be also. If our hopes and affections are spiritual, they come from above, not from beneath, and they bear as of old the fruits of the Spirit."

Just keep walking in that direction...and for me, sometimes the only direction I know to walk is away from the current direction I know I don't want to be heading. That should be enough...enough to get you to the next step. I look at myself and where I am sitting right now, and I honestly can't tell you what I will be doing 6 months from now. Sad? Not really. If anything, it is kind of exciting. I know what I won't be doing - and if I keep "not doing" work I don't enjoy - I know that Spirit will provide the next step for work that fulfills and inspires me. It always has.

The same spiritual law is true for you - but you need to take a step in that direction. Don't be like the monkey with its fist holding on to the past, or worrying about the future. Let it go, and free your thought so that you can see the next step waiting for you to take it - it is already there!

I have to say, this all reminds me of an Aaron Neville lyric (tight shirt and all), when he sings, "I don't know much, but I know I love you - at that may be all I need to know!"

We don't need to know much - and often just knowing what we don't want is all the guidance we need.

What do you know? Ignorance can be bliss :)

Much love!

Travis