Direct Life Coaching

I spent about 10 days home in Flint, MI over the holidays. I don't know where you are from, or where you call home, but Flint, MI is my home. I have lived in St. Louis, Boston, and Palm Beach over the past 15 years, but whenever someone asks me "where I am from," the answer is always Flint.

If you are from Flint but have lived elsewhere, you are familiar with the opinions or associations people have when you mention Flint. They either know Flint because of the documentary "Roger and Me" by Michael Moore or they have heard Flint mentioned in the statistics as one of the most violent places to live in the country. Neither option is necessarily too appealing.

For me, growing up in Flint was nothing but good. If Norman Rockwell would have painted his pictures in the 1980's, my childhood would of captured it perfectly. I had amazing neighborhood friends, and we would spend our days riding our bikes to 7-11 (I had a Slurpee fetish) or Dairy Queen. Then we would spend hours playing baseball, soccer, football, street hockey, and basketball - and when it got dark we switched to "Kick the Can" or "Hide and Go Seek." We never had a shortage of things to do, and we always felt safe.

I felt especially close to Flint because my dad owned (and still does) a chain of fast-food hamburger restaurants called Halo Burger. They are a Flint staple to this day, so I had a tremendous amount of pride growing up with that heritage. It is a family owned and operated business, and there are still employees working there who have been doing so for 30+ years in some cases. It is not glamorous work, but these are good people who care about what they do.

For the past 20 or so years is when Flint really began to have its image tarnished. When General Motors started having hard times it inevitably hurt the whole city. A town built around one company had no choice but to ebb and flow with its successes and hardships. To me, this is the biggest problem with being so dependent on one company. If you take away General Motors from Flint, what is left? I am sure this is the same story that could be told for towns built around coal mines or steel mills, shipping yards, or Silicon Valley.

It is sad. There is no other way to express my general overall feeling when I am in town. General Motors continues to pull out a little more each year. The recent struggles of the "big three" can't be felt much larger than in Flint. The trouble is, this has been happening for 20+ years, and the town keeps trying to stick fingers in the splitting damn, but the result seems inevitable.

I hope I am wrong.

I don't write this blog today to be grim, but rather to challenge people in Flint to go a little deeper. Each day when I pray I start with the idea of wholeness for myself, others, and the world. The challenge for me every time I am in Flint is to see the wholeness of the city. But, while in town this holiday break I was reading Wayne Dyer's new book, and in one of his chapters he challenges the reader to "see the perfection in imperfection." Okay, how do I do that?

Dyer writes,

"You're being asked not to label what you see as imperfect, stupid, or empty; rather look for the stillness and tranquility within you that you can bring to these superficial appearances. When you refrain from engaging in judgments based solely on looks, you paradoxically become an instrument for change."

He then adds, "See imperfections as perfect, even if your ego-mind cannot comprehend this."

So that is exactly what I tried to do. After reading this chapter I had to drive into downtown Flint for church. I was by myself so I had time to focus and just really pay attention to everything I was seeing. On the surface, it wasn't a pretty site. Boarded up houses, closed factories, and beat up storefronts. I was having a real hard time seeing any perfection in these surroundings. Actually, I couldn't find any. My ego-mind definitely could not comprehend this.

Then, while driving through town I thought about all of the people I know who still live in Flint. These are good people - GOOD people. There are life-long friends still there working and raising their families. I have relatives who have spent their entire lives in the area. I thought about all of the people who work at Halo Burger - and how amazing some of these people are. I thought about people I know who could live elsewhere, but have chosen to stay to try to improve the conditions in the city. I thought about Courtney Hawkins, who grew up in Flint and then went on to play in the NFL for many years. He could live in luxury anywhere in the world, yet he chose to come back to Flint with his wife to coach football at his old high school. A school and neighborhood that would rival some third world living conditions.

Despite its economic depravity and gritty imperfection - there is a whole lot of beauty and perfection in the people who make up Flint. My hope is that the people and the city take the current situation as an opportunity to expand their tents, instead of holding on to yesterday. If GM is the parent who raised the city, the city now needs to step out and be its own person. I am not saying to give up on GM turning their success around and contributing to the well-being of Flint, but I think it is time Flint embraces this moment to come out of the GM shadow.

How does the city do this? I don't know, but I know there are good people who can make it happen. The perfection of the city is found in the people. In the people there is hope, intelligence, creativity, strength, and persistence. The challenge may seem daunting, but it only takes one person at a time giving their consent to become an instrument of change. I requires people looking at the situation honestly and humbly, and then being able to make the scary choice. Real change is seldom easy.

This is not a typical blog for me, but I really felt inspired from my most recent trip home. Over the years I have bought into the stories of Flint, and have even been embarrassed telling people where I am from. But no more. You see, whether talking about a city or our own individual lives, there is no difference in how we make a change. Once we identify the problems for what they are, and we agree to take them head on (as ugly as it may get) - improvement is the result. There is no other option.

So, whether you want to talk to me about Flint, or how you can make a change in your own life - give me a call!

Much love!

Travis
561.676.4583

Labels: Courtney Hawkins, Flint, General Motors, halo burger, life coaching Travis Thomas, Michigan, self-help, Wayne Dyer

The summer movie season is upon us - and no - "Gone in 90 Seconds" is not a Nicholas Cage sequel to "Gone in 60 Seconds." The theaters definitely aren't short on sequels right now.

If anyone has been listening to any of the Oprah "Soul Series" interviews, you may have come across a woman named Jill Bolte Taylor. Her video from the TED Conference has been sent all over the Web, and she is the author of a book based on her experience titled, "My Stroke of Insight."

Jill is a brain scientist, who ironically, woke up one morning in 1996 to discover that she was having a massive stroke. And, since she was a brain scientist, she was able to experience and understand firsthand what exactly was going on. Now, I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV, but when you hear her tell the story of what she was experiencing as this took place, as well as what she experienced through the recovery process of 8+ years - it will change how you think about your life, body, and thoughts.

One cool factoid that I took from her interview with Oprah (and there are many) - is when she describes that from a physiological standpoint - when we feel ourselves getting angry - from start to finish the physical effect that takes place in our body lasts about 90 seconds. We all know what that feels like - increased heartbeat, tension, warmth, etc. She is talking about all of the cells in the body that kick into action whenever we have an angry thought.

Gone in 90 seconds.

So I was thinking to myself - why does it feel like some of my anger experiences last a lot longer than 90 seconds?

I guess that is a common question, because Jill read my mind. Her answer was that we choose to repeat this thought, and by doing so, we keep having our body repeat the physical defense to it. So, what should only last 90 seconds...might sometimes last 10 minutes, 3 hours, a few months - and maybe even years.

Yeah...I know...you are trying to think of things that continually make you angry - and you are wondering why you can't let them go.

As you can imagine - this perpetuating process is not great for the body either.

90 seconds - that's it.

I have been thinking about those 90 seconds - and what it takes to let an angry thought come and go in that time frame. I believe that the key in allowing for this quick recovery is in not identifying these angry thoughts as "our thoughts." Meaning, just because we think them - doesn't mean we need to own them and hold on to them.

As my friend QL would suggest, when these thoughts come into our head, you observe and notice them and then think to yourself, "That's interesting." There is no need to personalize these thoughts as part of our identity, or to feel like we have to carry them around, we can simply observe them and then choose whether they are serving us or not - and whether we want to keep them.

As Jill mentions, we extend the 90 seconds because WE CHOOSE to replay these thoughts in our head. No one else is doing the choosing for us. She adds, "Pay attention to what you are thinking, and then decide if those are thoughts that are creating the kind of life you want created. And if it's not, then change your thoughts."

If you have been reading Eckhart Tolle, Wayne Dyer, and now Jill Bolte Taylor - they all agree that "we are not our thoughts." Just because you think it - doesn't mean you own it.

About 130 years ago, Mary Baker Eddy had this to say about thoughts, "A mortal man possesses this body, and he makes it harmonious or discordant according to the images of thought impressed upon it. You embrace your body in your thought, and you should delineate upon it thoughts of health, not of sickness. You should banish all thoughts of disease and sin and of other beliefs included in matter."

It sounds to be that Eddy would also agree that we all have a choice as to what thoughts we choose to play out. So, what body and life are you embracing in your thought?

The 90 Second Challenge!

So, this week, I challenge everyone to take the 90 Second Challenge. When you feel yourself entertaining an angry thought - how long does it take you to let it go? Can you let it go in 90 seconds?

If not, why? What is preventing you from doing that?

One saying that Jill loves to share is this, "Peace is just a thought away."

Simple but powerful. No matter what you are feeling right here and right now - peace is just a thought away.

So, what is your next thought going to be?

Have a great weekend everyone!

Travis
561.676.4583

Labels: Eckhart Tolle, Jill Bolte Taylor, mary baker eddy, My stroke of insight, Oprah, Science and Health, Soul Series, TED Conference, Wayne Dyer

I can't help but be impressed with Intel's slogan, "What's inside you?" It's a great question, isn't it?

This past weekend, for any sports fans out there, you got to see one of those special sports moments that will be talked about for generations to come - Tiger Woods winning the US Open on one leg. Now, not to be too dramatic, he had a second leg, it just wasn't much use. People questioned how bad the knee was really injured, but they are not questioning today with Tiger's announcement that he will have season ending knee surgery, as well as rehabilitation for a double stress fracture on his tibia.

The story is also being told today of how Tiger's doctor told him to not play in the US Open, but Tiger told him, "I'm playing in the U.S. Open and I'm going to win."

What's inside you?

Wayne Dyer is a favorite author of mine, and he uses this analogy of an orange. (I will paraphrase) Dyer says that when you squeeze an orange - orange juice comes out - because that is what is inside an orange. Now, when it comes to us, whatever we are keeping inside of us (i.e. negative or positive feelings and emotions) - that is what will come out when we get squeezed too.

This has been extremely helpful to me over the years, and it was one of the first pieces I included in my anger management workshop. I was thinking about this more today - and I started to extend this analogy of the orange a little further.

So, we take the orange - it's a simple orange. If we take the orange and put it in a traffic jam - it's still an orange. If we take the orange and we deplete its bank account - it's still an orange. If we insult the orange, ignore the orange, or try to change the orange into something else (maybe a candy bar) - it's still an orange. Orange juice comes out!

No matter what circumstances you place that orange in - you cannot change its essence. It is what it is!

Now, let's take out the orange - and put you in its place. You are in the traffic jam - you have a depleted bank account - you are insulted - ignored - and instead of changing you into a candy bar, someone wants you to think more like them. So, you are not an orange - but you are squeezed - so what comes out?

Whatever is inside of you - that is what is going to come out.

Most of us get it wrong. We still think it is the experiences that dictate who we are - and whether we are happy or not. So, if things are "good" based on what we think is "good" - we are happy, and vice versa. We let "what happens to us" determine our sense of peace.

Not the orange. No matter how you squeeze it - you still get orange juice!

So I challenge you for a moment. Take "who you are," and strip away the job title, your education, background, your bank account, size of your house or type of car you drive, and the number of friends you have. Take all of that exterior stuff away - and what are you left with?

Whatever it is - that is a closer representation of who you are!

What's inside you?

I catch myself all of the time noticing "what's inside of me." It happens when I am running late for something, trying to put something together, or listening to something on the news. All of these events create a stimulus that causes certain thoughts or feelings to rise to the surface - and they might show up as anxiety, stress, frustration, doubt, etc.

Now, the tendency would be to focus on the actual events - instead of the feelings these events reveal. For instance, since I don't enjoy nor seem to do well with "assembly required," I should probably avoid those opportunities like the plague. But, what is more important than the actual stimulus - is the response.

What's inside you?

For me, I have tried to embrace the idea of "being squeezed." If I were an orange, everyone would be well quenched :) I have come to realize more and more - that the squeezing is really just an opportunity to learn and grow. If we are feeling "squeezed" - it means some feelings are coming to the surface that might need to be addressed. Behind these feelings are often hidden some accepted beliefs causing us to feel squeezed. So, instead of getting mad at the events - dig deeper to the beliefs beneath the feelings. That is where you will find what is really inside you.

The event causing the squeeze is only "bad" because it is drawing out feelings and beliefs that we have not resolved. In reality, it's not "bad" at all, because without it, we would never grow. As Eddy says in Science and Health, "Through great tribulation we enter the kingdom. Trials are proofs of God's care."

Now, as I mentioned, we will not always like what we see when we get squeezed. That's okay - the important part is that we are seeing it and recognizing it. Embrace the opportunity to grow - and realize that it has nothing to do with the event - and all to do with you. If you don't like what you are seeing - it is probably time to look at some of those beliefs and decide how well they are serving you. If they are not serving you in beneficial way - maybe you're ready for a new perspective.

Nike brilliantly debuted a new Tiger Woods commercial on the same weekend of the US Open. It is the voice of Earl Woods (now deceased) talking about how he raised Tiger and instilled him with mental toughness like no other.

It couldn't of been timed more perfectly as Tiger demonstrated the depth of his mental toughness. Whether it was dealing with the pressure of needing to make birdie putts on the 18th hole on back-to-back days, or enduring the pain of his knee - Tiger's mental toughness was unbeatable. I actually heard him respond to a question about his hurt knee after his Saturday round where he said, (paraphrase) "Yeah, it hurts, but it's just pain."

The man was squeezed for five grueling, pain-enduring days - and look what came out.

What's inside you?

You are the one constant in your life - because wherever you go - you will be there :) Your happiness, success, and peace is determined by how you choose to show up and respond to all of life's experiences. You need you at your best - as does everyone around you!

If you are looking at yourself and need help with some of the things that are coming to the surface - I am just a call or e-mail away. I would love to assist you in bringing out your best and playing a bigger game.

The reality is, greatness and perfection is what is really inside all of us - even if our name is not Tiger.

Have a great week!

Much love,

Travis
561.676.4583

Disclaimer: I have a brother named Tiger - and he's pretty impressive as well ;)

Labels: christian science, life coaching Travis Thomas, mary baker eddy, Nike, Science and Health, Tiger Woods, Wayne Dyer