Direct Life Coaching

How well do you handle disappointment?

Come on, be honest. It's not like you can't relate. Who hasn't dealt with their fair share of things not working out the way they would have liked? If this doesn't apply to you - give me a call :)

When I think about the growth I am making in my life, this is one of the most important questions I ask myself. It is kind of my barometer of checking how well I am really coming along.

Mainly, when disappointment comes - what are my initial thoughts? Are they angry, frustrated, anxious, stressed? Or, are they calm, peaceful, understanding, and joyful? Joy...yeah, can you believe that one?

So today - when I got that call I didn't want to get, and there was disappointment on the other side - how did I do?

First of all, while I was on the actual call, I noticed my stomach was nervous. My heart was beating. I was able to observe this happening, which was a little discouraging because my goal was to not be so attached to the outcome. My body was telling me I was very attached to the results. The reason this is my goal is because I am working at becoming less attached to how "I think" things should work out, and instead, find the ability to express joy and peace no matter the result.

When I got the news I didn't want to hear today - it put me on a bit of a roller coaster ride of emotions and thoughts for the rest of the day. At some points I was keeping everything in perspective - while at others I was letting my ego run wild with feeling like a victim, and just sad and discouraged.

I kept thinking about a quote a friend of mine sent me a few months ago. It is an anecdote relayed in one of Rumi's poems, translated by Coleman Barks. A sheik was asked once what the true meaning of Sufism was, "It is the feeling of joy when sudden disappointment comes!"

There you have it. That is the game I am playing - being aware of my level of joy when sudden disappointment comes. It came today - and my immediately feeling was not joy. But, and this is a big BUT - I knew it should be. For me, that is progress. Sure, my ego ran wild during the day feeling wronged, afraid, and walked on - but I knew it was those thoughts keeping my from joy.

Why joy? Because I honestly feel that I am living my life in a way where I am doing the best I can, and listening to make the best decisions possible. I wake up everyday and I pray and listen and follow. This is a daily active commitment - and I trust the results - even when I don't like them.

A few months ago I started a new daily commitment of getting real quiet and still - doing some deep prayerful listening - and then writing. Not thinking about it - just writing. You can sort of call it a dictation from my inner spiritual thoughts. So, here is my dictation from a few days ago - and it really resonated once I went back and reread it today.

Quick explanation - when I refer to "Travis," I am referring to myself when I am guided by ego-driven thoughts. I don't see this as my true self. So, here you go:

Wednesday, May 27th

There are two roads that ultimately lead to the same place. The first road is called "Your opinion," and the second road is called "The way it is." There is peace to be found on both roads, but only one of the roads brings lasting peace - and knowing which road that provides this is pretty obvious. So why is it that we continue to map our path down the road of "Your opinion?"

Travis somehow gets tricked into feeling that "Your opinion" provides opportunities for him to steer God in the direction that is best for Travis. There are two stupid assumptions here. 1) Travis knows what is best for him. 2) God does not.

How does Travis allow himself to get tricked into this reasoning time and time again? Travis quickly forgets that where he is right now is the result of traveling down "The way it is." He likes to look back and think that his path is the result of his awesome driving on the road of "Your opinion," or worse, he looks back in regret at what terrible decisions he has made in the past. Either way, he fools himself into thinking that where he sits right now is his doing.

The real me (the real Travis) is patient. Not patient from the standpoint of "waiting" for Travis to get a clue, but patient from the standpoint of knowing that Travis' growth has no outcome on the path of reality. In fact, I am fine with Travis going his whole life trying to drive on "your opinion," because the choices he makes don't add up to anything in the end anyway - they are just illusion. It reminds him of 4 year old Holland sitting at race car video game thinking that he is playing, when in fact there is no money in the machine. He grips the wheel and watches the action in front of him convinced he is actually making an impact - but nothing he does has any effect on the game. He doesn't know any different, and when he get up from his seat, he is convinced he has won. Yet, not a single thing made any difference on the result. Ouch, that is kind of hitting home right now.

So, on the road of "your opinion" there are major ups and downs, highs and lows, pride and envy, pushing and pulling, wrestling and sweating, struggling, fighting, stressing, worrying, doubting, questioning, waiting, hating, losing, winning, losing again, failing, dying, crawling, battling, and eventually, after it all - there is finally - ENDING. The road of "your opinion" comes to an end, but where do you find yoursef...

On an on ramp to the road of "What is."

After all of the effort and toil and time spent on "Your opinion," you find yourself naked, vulnerable, stripped clean, and FREE on the road of "What is." On the road of "What is" there is only peace and joy. Every moment is the perfect moment - not because it is what you wanted, but because it is what God unfolded. Is there any need for further debate? On the road of "What is" there is no ego, doubt, or fear - because there is no "dream job," "Ideal ending," "best case scenario," "dream guy/girl," or even "perfect solution." Every unfolded moment is perfection is motion, Nature pulling back another petal, harmony expressed. On the road of "What is" there are no delayed flights or "running late," because there are no time constraints to butt up against. Every moment is what it is supposed to be, and our only role is to participate in each moment with grace, love, and humility. By expressing these three qualities we bring ourselves into alignment with the oneness of the whole moment. We are not "in the moment" - because we are actually part of the moment. We are one piece of the symphonic puzzle all working in concert with one another, yet we are not separate from any of the other pieces. We are all interconnected, joined in unity and harmony, so it is senseless to try to question our role in the whole. It is only by questioning and attempting to control - that we separate ourselves from the peace of "what is," and fall back to the chaos and disappointment of "your opinion."

There are two roads, they both lead to the same place, yet one road only begins, when the other road ends.


That is how I am handling disappointment.

Have a great day!

Much love - Travis

Labels: direct life coaching, poetry, Rumi, self-help, Sufism, two roads

"It was us against the world!"

If you have watched any sports team championship in the past few years you have grown a little tired of the phrase above. Apparently, any team that wins a title claims they did so "against all odds." The funny thing is, teams that have even been favored to win, and were supposed to win, somehow end up claiming "It was us against the world."

Really?

I get it. There is little that motivates a team, player, or coach more than the experts or public opinion claiming they don't have a chance. If that is the case, what do you have to lose - just go prove everyone wrong! So, it should not be a shocker that in recent years, many teams that have won titles weren't necessarily the team picked to do so. I still remember in 2006 when my beloved Detroit Tigers were preparing to play the underdog St. Louis Cardinals in the World Series. One national columnist said Detroit would win the 7 seven game series so easily, it might only take three games to do so. Talk about locker room material for the Cardinals. Guess who won the series in five games? Not Detroit. (I still haven't gotten over that one).

That brings us to the 2009 NCAA Men's Basketball tournament - better known as March Madness. My favorite time of the year. This year, the Final Four was held in Detroit, MI - less than 70 miles from where I grew up. I have spoken of my love and roots to the state of Michigan - and I am a die hard Michigan State University fan, since a few of my family members have gone there (sorry U of M). So, watching Michigan State march to the championship game this year was a special event - because, in many ways, it was the ultimate "home game" for a state needing a warm feeling of "home" more than anywhere else in the country.

Let me quickly add, there is no Hollywood ending here. MSU got blown out in the final against heavily favored and deserving winners North Carolina. It was a sad ending, but what was accomplished by MSU just getting to the final game is what was so inspiring - and that is what I want to highlight.

"Us against the world."

I am so tired of hearing that phrase. MSU was a #2 seed in the tournament, which is a great seed, so getting to the Final Four for them wasn't exactly a Cinderella story - yet it kind of was. It takes 4 wins just to make it to the Final Four, and after their second game, most of the experts were picking against them. At that time, it would of been easy for head coach Tom Izzo and the players to adopt the mantra, "Us against the world."

But they didn't.

They did the exact opposite. Tom Izzo was born, raised, went to school, and has never worked anywhere but inside the state of Michigan. He bleeds Great Lakes. A few years ago when it was announced that the 2009 Final Four would be held in Detroit, he started recruiting and preparing his team for that destination. Little did he know, that a few years later, by the time the tournament rolled around, Detroit would be the poster city for our current financial struggle. It has one of the highest unemployment rates in the country. The wheels are falling off the auto companies. Detroit remains to be the butt of every one's joke. To those associated with the state of Michigan, or the city - no one's laughing.

When the tournament rolled around this year, and Izzo saw what a run to the Final Four could do for a state looking for an early stimulus package - the goal became a little more important. If any city in the country right now could claim "Us against the world," it would be Detroit. But they don't. Neither did Izzo and Michigan State.

Game after game. Interview and after interview. Izzo and the players talked about playing "for" the people of Michigan. On numerous occasions they talked about "providing a ray of light for the city." They mentioned wanting to "give the people something positive to think about for a few weeks." There was never a mention of "showing up the experts," but instead, they were playing for people other than themselves - for a cause BIGGER than themselves. Besides, many of the players were Michigan bred themselves. They have felt the pain. Now, they wanted to provide some relief.

The results were awesome. In their run to the final, they beat the Pac-10 champion (USC), the defending national champion (Kansas), the overall #1 seed in the tournament (Louisville), and the team that was ranked #1 for the longest period during the season (Connecticut). As I mentioned, in those last three games, they were seldom picked to win.

If you watched the games (as I did on the edge of my seat) - you could see how they were playing outside of themselves. They were playing "in a zone," and "above their heads." After beating Connecticut in the semi-finals, the game no one gave them a chance to win, Connecticut head coach Jim Calhoun had this to say, (and I paraphrase), "I watched tape of them this season against other teams. The team we played tonight was not that team."

Maybe the Spartans were on to something.

We are all inspired by moving stories of triumph against all odds. When an individual or group of people rally around a cause to achieve a goal many thought impossible. We connect with these stories because they reveal such selflessness, courage, and perseverance. If you are like me, you ask yourself, "Could I have done that?"

Well, could you?

What in your life has this kind of importance? And by importance, I mean something that is bigger than you. Something that helps or blesses others. Something that forces you to make sacrifices, stretch your comfort zone - and get out of yourself. Do you think it is any coincidence that we compliment someone by saying they played "out of their mind," and we also encourage people to "get out of themselves." Might their be a correlation?

It sounds to me - that when we get our own ego and self-interest out of the way -and actually live, play, or strive for something bigger than ourselves - MAGIC HAPPENS!

So, it's not "us against the world," it's actually "You 'FOR' the world!" Doesn't that have a better ring to it?

And, you know what they give champions don't you - RINGS!!!

So, if you want to experience some magic - you better decide what you are "FOR!"

If you are not sure, I would be happy to listen!

Much love!

Travis
561.676.4583

PS - Thanks coach Izzo and the Spartans.

Labels: basketball, direct life coaching, Final Four, Michigan State basketball, Tom Izzo, travis thomas

Okay - it has been forever since my last blog, and after my last blog I vowed to get back on a regular schedule, but alas, here I am. I am grateful you all are so forgiving ;)

The last month or so has been bananas. We moved out of our rental in St. Louis, put all of your stuff in my sister's garage for storage (thanks sis), stayed in her house for a week (thanks again), then drove down to Florida where we'll be for at least two months - and now we are finally feeling a little settled.

And here is the blog!

So, about a month ago my wife and I took our kids to a butterfly habitat. Side note, if you are a Brian Regan fan, here is a great bit about him taking his child to a butterfly habitat. Back to me. So, I could blog about the fact that my almost 7 year old daughter was terrified of the butterflies. Seriously, she was in tears shaking. You would of thought we were in the middle of an asteroid field. "They're EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!" she screamed. Anyway, that will probably be a different blog.

Before we went into the Butterfly-dome, we watched a 10 minute video on the caterpillar, and the process of turning into a butterfly. I kind of new the basics (don't we all), but I learned a few cool things. Such as, did you know that a caterpillar molts (did you know that word) five times in all. Molting is the shedding of the skin. So, the caterpillar goes through four molts where he/she sheds all of the skin. The end result is that the caterpillar goes through some minor changes - but he is still very much a caterpillar. It is not until the fifth molting that the caterpillar eats as much as it possibly can, and then its body builds the cocoon for the big and final transformation.

Another cool tid-bit (from SP), is that in the cocoon, the caterpillar decomposes its body into a soupy (my word) substance, and it is from there that the form of the butterfly evolves. So, what does that feel like?

It got me thinking. How many times have I felt like I have gone though major transformations - but still feel like the picture still looks the same (to me). How many times have I molted, and am I still preparing for my butterfly like transformation?

So, a few days ago I was doing a daily writing exercise where I get real quiet, try to silence my own ego and thinking, and then just start writing from the standpoint of INSPIRATION. It doesn't even matter what I write, just let it go and let it flow. The butterfly experience was over a month ago, so that wasn't in my thought, but some friends of mine were.

So, this is the result of my writing - and I thought I would share it with all of you!

"The caterpillar that emerges from his cocoon is not aware of the transformation that has taken place. When he went into the cocoon - did he really know what was on the other side? In fact, he had gone through four transformations before this one - and each time he would shed his skin and move on - but there wasn't much change in his physical appearance. So, when the caterpillar emerges from the cocoon this time - something is different. Something doesn't feel right. He doesn't feel himself - and he doesn't even look like he used to. The parts don't feel right. He doesn't feel like he is in his skin. He wants to go back to the way things were, to his old life, his old body, and his old comforts. But he can't.

As he breaks out of the shell, the shell that has held him tight and served as the manger for this transformation - he can see that he has been born anew. As he faces his fear and walks forward - he begins to see with new eyes. The fear is still there, but the limitations are smaller - in fact - he feels like his old ways don't serve him anymore. He feels like...like...he can fly - but how preposterous is that? Caterpillars don't fly, they don't soar - they creep. Yet, ever since breaking through this shell - he no longer feels like creeping. He has fewer feet keeping him on the ground - and as a whole he feels lighter and less tied down. He begins seeing himself with a beauty he has never noticed before - a beauty that must have been there the whole time - but he just wasn't prepared to see - until now.

Impelled to reach higher ground - he expands his self-concept of his potential and ability - and lets go of old beliefs and hindrances. As he lets go of the past - he cannot help but lift himself up and he feels the freedom of seeing the world from new heights. Before he knows it - he is actually flying - looking down at his past - appreciating it for all of the growth and exploration it provided on his journey - and letting it go with no regret or remorse. He is a new creature - a beautiful, limitless, gravity defying butterfly. The sky is his playground - the sun his companion. As he flutters and soars over treetops and valleys - places he has never seen before - he understands that his greatness was never in question. The unfolding was just part of the process - and that it was in Love's hands the whole time. He didn't need to contemplate or figure out the color of his wings, the length of time in gestation, or whether or not he would be able to break out of his cocoon. In essence, he realizes he never really had a choice in any of the process - except how he would choose to interpret and accept the events that took place.

Now, soaring higher than his thoughts would ever allow - he thinks to himself, 'Thine will be done.'"

Have a great week everyone! If you are ready for some coaching - be in touch!

Much love,

Travis
561.676.4583

Labels: brian regan, butterflies, direct life coaching, travis thomas

I was talking to a friend of mine recently about buying quality items instead of always buying the cheapest option. I am big fan of "a good deal," but I have also been burned when trying to cut corners too closely. My friend shared with me some advice a mentor shared with him, "Buy cheap. Buy twice." (Thanks Dave J.)

I like that. It is resonating with me on lots of different levels right now.

For the past few months I have been the assistant basketball coach for a boys high school team. I use the word "coach" loosely due to my lack of basketball knowledge. It has been a humbling opportunity for me to take on a new challenge that I have very little expertise in - so I guess I needed a dose of more humility ;)

It's a great bunch of kids. My relationship with them isn't so much the basketball side of things as much as it is noticing their mental approach and overall attitude to their performance. I admit, it has been frustrating at times. I wish I could be contributing more, but I have tried to pick and choose my spots when I can talk with the kids more 1 on 1.

Our record right now is 5-4, and there have been a couple games that could of gone either way. In thinking of the outcomes of these games, I thought of my friends quote, "Buy cheap. Buy twice." For my purposes, I have adjusted the quote to read,

"Start wrong. Start twice."

There have been a few games that we have started awfully. Games we had no reason winning, yet we would find a way to battle back. Just when we get back into the game, we would find away to give away. On the flip-side, their have been games that we have started well, suffered a let-down along the way, yet still managed to pull out the victory in the end.

So, the way we start the game has been important. If we can start the game on a good foot, doing things the right way, and laying a solid foundation for our play - it seems easier to get back to that play when things go bad. Conversely, when we crawl out of the gate with a bad start, no matter how hard we battle - closing the deal is a lot tougher.

So, it seems to be a case of in order to be successful - make sure you have a good start.

To expand this analogy a little larger, I think this approach holds true to most things in life. A relationship that begins with a solid foundation has a much better chance of surviving when things get tough, compared to a relationship that begins under questionable circumstances.

Being it's the new year, many of us commit to things we want to improve in our lives, yet the success of these changes often goes back to how closely these changes really connect to our core. For me, whether talking about basketball, relationships, career, or hobbies - the most important aspect of its success is based on our motives.

A mentor of mine, Mary Baker Eddy writes, "To begin rightly is to end rightly."

If your motives for doing something are pure, inspired, and connected to your highest sense of right - the end result will reflect these qualities. It doesn't mean the end result will always manifest what we want to happen, but it will definitely represent growth and progress that we can build from. Growth in the right direction.

If you find yourself taking something on that really doesn't have the best motives - be prepared to start twice. Man oh man - could I write a book on these lessons!!! For now I will keep it to a blog ;)

I hear people all of the time (sometimes myself included) talk about how they just keep trying and trying to make things better - yet the end result is always the same. Some people might call that effort perseverance, yet Einstein called it insanity. He writes,

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

I can relate to that. If you were a golfer and you were working on your swing, improvement is more than repetition. You want to introduce repetition once you start doing something right, yet how many of us think that if we just keep knocking on the same doors, practicing the same routine, or believing the same beliefs - that eventually all will work out? Well, that's kind of insane.

Start wrong - start twice...three times...four times...five...six...seven...eight...

It doesn't matter. As long as our motives and foundation are off center - we will be doing a lot of restarting. For me, I am sure I have been pretty insane over the past few years. When it comes to some things, I have definitely caught myself thinking that if I just keep doing what I am doing - the same way - it will eventually work out. As for my motives, those haven't changed - I am sticking with them - but a whole lot of humility and self-reflection has given me the ability to be open to new approaches and solutions. I am still a work in progress.

What about you? Are you feeling insane? Do you feel like you are banging your head against the wall - or feeling like the results always come out the same?

If so, be real honest with yourself and think about how you are starting. What are your motives? Are they connected to your center - your highest sense of right? If you are a real honest with yourself - you might only have to start twice. If you're not honest - people might start to think you're crazy.

And, if you are just not sure - give me a call - and I will help you make sure you are beginning rightly.

The end result is worth it.

Much love!

Travis
561.676.4583

Labels: Albert Einstein, direct life coaching, life coaching Travis Thomas, mary baker eddy, Science and Health, self-help

My whirlwind first season as a college soccer coach recently ended, so now I am working myself back to a few things that have been on the back-burner for the past few months - like my blog. I am sure some of you have been lost and confused not getting my regular posts, but hang in there, I am almost out of the woods ;)

The soccer team met last night for an end of the season banquet. It was a chance to put the season into perspective and say good-bye to the seniors for the last time. From day one I have been so impressed with the overall maturity of the players and their tremendous quality of character. No offense to the guys I played with back in the day, but there was an overall depth in spirit to these guys that was beyond what I was expecting. They truly made the experience for me such a special opportunity.

At the end of the evening the captains presented some gifts to the coaches. For me, they put together a book filled with gratitude and inspiring quotes from the players. I had a reputation this season for giving a few inspiring talks. Now, I wasn't so sure they were inspiring at the time, but apparently they had a little more impact than I thought. From reading my blogs you all can probably assume I am not real brief with my thoughts - and I think that kind of carried over to my coaching.

Early in preseason camp, I shared with the team the idea of "taking authority" for their experience. Mainly, it was about being clear and focused on what was really important to them, and not allowing outside distractions to pull their attention off of their goals. The temptation is always there to let outside influences distract us, pull us in different directions, and then allow us to make excuses for not performing our best. At least, I think that is what I shared.

So, the book of quotes from the team was their way of sharing the love back to me. They titled the book, "Authorizing Authority!" To be honest, it was the coolest gift I could have received. In the spirit of sharing the love - I am going to include some of those quotes here. Enjoy...

"There is no passion to be found in playing small, in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living."
--Nelson Mandela

"You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step of faith." --Martin Luther King Jr.

"Obedience to Truth gives men strength and power." --Anonymous

"Pray naked!" --Nate Mehring

"If there's no soccer in heaven, I'm not going!" --Paul Sanderude

"You don't know where you are going until you get there. You don't know what you are looking for until you find it. You don't know how to do something until you do it." --Jake Summerlin

"With great power comes great responsibility!" --Spiderman

"I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do." --Leonardo DaVinci

"The will to win...the will to achieve...goes dry and arid without continuous renewal." --Vince Lomabardi Jr.

"I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or during a game of 'fake heart attack.'" --Demitri Martin

Thanks again to all of the players and coaches for the 2008 Panther season - I love you all!

Much love,

Travis
561.676.4583

Labels: direct life coaching, life coaching Travis Thomas, principia mens soccer

It has been a little over a month since I uprooted my family and moved them half way across the country to St. Louis. The last few weeks since beginning my assistant soccer coaching position has given me little time to unpack or spend time with my wife and kids, let alone find time to blog. Also hanging over me are two freelance projects I agreed to take on - so my time has been a little tight. I don't know what is waiting for me and my family at the end of these couple of months, so we will just have to wait and see.

It has been awesome diving back into the world of soccer. It was my first passion in life, but for the past 5-6 years I have had little connection to the game as either a player or coach. Step 1 was getting back in decent "soccer shape" with my fitness, and Step 2 was regaining my "owe so deft" soccer touch (okay, that might be a little exaggeration). Step 3 was reacquainting myself with the tactics and knowledge of the game, but it is cool to see how quickly it all comes back.

The season has started pretty decent thus far. It is a talented team who had a very successful season last year - so expectations are high. The toughest part for the team to grasp onto is the overall effort needed to really compete at a high level. It needs to be there from the opening kick - and if it is not - good teams can quickly become average. That has been our problem at times this season. This past week we played a very good game against a good team - and we are hoping it is a sign that we have turned a corner.

Soccer has been called "the beautiful game." For me, it is beautiful because it is such a fluid game with little interruptions or stoppages of play. It requires all of the players on the field working for each other and making sacrifices, and much like a domino effect, when one player moves on the field it opens up space and opportunity for another. For many reasons - this is one of the most mature aspects of the game that doesn't always come naturally. It has been a struggle for us to this point - but there have been signs it is getting better.

There is never really a time in a soccer game when you are standing and doing nothing. The game keeps moving. If you have ever watched a game on TV - there aren't even any commercial breaks because the game has no time-outs. Since it requires constant moving, it puts a lot of pressure on each player to keep running and creating space on the field. If a player wants to receive a pass from his teammate, he can't expect to stand there and wait for the ball to show up on his foot, he needs to "check hard" to the ball. "Checking to the ball" means making a 5+ yard sprint either to the man with the ball or to an open spot on the field where your teammate can pass you the ball. The sprint is crucial because it allows you to create distance between you and your defender so that you can receive the ball. By making this "hard check" you create space for yourself, as well as your teammates, because the space on the field that you just left is now open for a teammate to move into. This is how the game works. You leave a space, and now you have created space.

Unfortunately, the temptation for a player is to "check hard" to a ball, and if he/she doesn't get the ball, they stop and stand there and still call for the ball. In doing so, they no longer are an option to receive the ball and they have made it easier for the opponent to defend. Players might think, "I did my job and they didn't give me the ball. My work is done." But to play the game, it requires non-stop checking and moving.

When a player checks to the ball and doesn't receive it - the best thing they can do is keep moving to another part of the field and then wait for another opportunity to check to another ball. It is rigorous and constant. In fact, for every 4 or 5 times a player checks hard to a ball - he/she might only get the ball passed to them once. The idea is that if everyone is moving and everyone is checking hard to the ball - there will always be someone on the field who is open - and it makes it miserable on the opponent to defend.

So, what in the heck does this have to do with life?

Well, I figured that the longer I kept writing I would think of something ;)

Actually, there is a valuable lesson to be learned from "checking hard" to the ball. From my experience, you never know when that next great opportunity is going to come along. Now, life wouldn't be so humbling if we actually knew what opportunities were going to work out (and which ones are duds) - so we are forced to treat all of them with the same energy and effort.

"Checking hard to the ball" in life for me means bringing your best to whatever you are doing - because it is the right thing to do. By bringing your best effort you guarantee that you will be ready for the bigger opportunity when it shows up. On the flipside, if you "show up" from time to time, or whenever you feel the event is worthwhile, you not only lessen your chance of taking full advantage of every opportunity - you also will be less prepared when it comes along.

Bigger picture, I think we all can realize that our effort affects not only our own fortune, but everyone around us. As in soccer, by living selflessly and doing the right thing in everything you do, it creates great opportunities for those around you - whether you know them or not.

You never know when the ball is going to come your way - so all you can do is your best all the time in everything you do. If the ball comes - you will be ready. If the ball does not come, you just keep moving, and get ready for the next check. There is no time to stop, sulk, criticize, or argue - just keep on moving and get ready for the next opportunity.

Don't worry - it will come - just keep checking hard.

Have a great week!

Much love,

Travis
561.676.4583

Labels: direct life coaching, soccer, travis thomas

We are a world of choices. 200+ TV channels. 10 different kinds of Coca-Cola (Coke, Diet Coke, Coke Zero, Lemon Coke, Vanilla Coke, Lime Coke, Cherry Coke, Smoked Coke - well, not yet...but give it time!) And for your spaghetti sauce lovers - Ragu offers over 20 different kinds of sauces - seriously.

As the product of growing up in a family fast-food restaurant - I know all about choices. As a matter of fact - there were thousands of different hamburger combinations you could order based on the condiments offered - yet I still order it like I always have...ketchup, mustard, and pickle ;)

You might say we have CHOICE OVERLOAD!

How many times have you heard someone say, "I don't know - just order for me - I can't decide."

Decisions...decisions...decisions!

Recently I have been cherishing an idea that has come out of trying to intentionally live more on purpose. So, if purpose to me is living more from the core essence of who I am - and connecting deeper to my genuine and authentic self - it means that life's decisions should naturally flow out of my living on purpose. I like the word choice of "flow" because it represents a harmonic yielding to my natural expression of who I am.

In order to feel this flow, it requires that I get Travis (ego, self, opinions) out of the way as much as possible - and recognize that there is a Divine harmony always present - and my job is to align myself with this harmony - instead of trying to "figure it out."

Case in point - my wife and I are moving the family to St. Louis for a little undetermined adventure. We are renting out our home in Florida - and looking to find a home to rent in St. Louis. Our home here in Florida rented out in a manner of 10 days - Yahtzee! But, we were struggling to find a place that met our needs in St. Louis.

A few months ago I took on a new 100 day commitment to write vision statements about important parts of my life. So, for the past month or so I was writing a vision statement everyday about finding a home in St. Louis that perfectly met my family's needs. That meant the home would be comfortable, convenient, spacious, and affordable. So, I saw these qualities as being spiritual qualities - and I was willing to cherish these and surrender the rest to the Divine. I knew the house we found would meet this criteria.

But, with time ticking - none of our options were fitting this criteria. Instead, there were options that were requiring us to make "pros and cons" lists so that we could CHOOSE which place was a better fit.

You choose - you lose!

I wasn't feeling at peace with our options. We had to choose between two apartment complexes - but neither one was giving us the sense of abundance we had been cherishing. So, instead of trying to figure out which would be best - I decided to let it go for the night - and trust that the house or home we needed was out there - and that is what I was sticking to. I knew the law of the Divine was much greater than my limited perspective - so I needed to quit trying to force my will - and just align myself with the flow.

The reason I knew I needed to step back was because I was beginning to feel anxiety, stress, and worry. When I am on purpose - I feel none of these. So, "hello" - these feelings were an invitation to get back on purpose. On purpose, I will never have to "choose" - but rather let the harmony of the Divine unfold. When I let it unfold, the need to make a choice disappears - because the solution is crystal clear. Again, the solution is not coming "from me" - rather I am allowing the solution to flow through me. BIG DIFFERENCE.

So, the next day - my wife and I remembered that there was one more house on craigslist we had not looked at yet. I called to set up an appointment - and my sister (God bless her) agreed to drive over and look at the house for us (she lives in St. Louis and had been doing this for us all week). I had resigned that if this house wasn't a good fit - we would move forward with one of the apartments that seemed like a better option. My sister called me after looking at the house and said, "It's perfect - rent it!"

So we did.

I never had to make a choice. The choice was made for us. It was crystal clear. There was no weighing options, comparing lists, or "figuring it out" - the solution was so harmonious that the "human element" of making a choice was eliminated.

Choose you lose!

I don't want to say that "having a choice" is bad - but rather the idea of having to "make a choice" based on human limitations and reason will never bring us the peace we yearn for. The only way to do that is to connect deeper with our purpose (the Divine, etc.) - where the impossible is never impossible ;)

This is an ongoing learning and growing process for me. I see it as surrendering more and more my human ego in favor of seeing and listening for guidance that comes from a much deeper and powerful source. A source that surrounds each of us all the time - whether we are tuning in to it or not. I am committed to continue in fine tuning my antennae - so I will keep you posted!

If you need some more help wrapping your head around this - give me a call or drop me an e-mail.

Have a great week!

Travis
561.676.4583

Labels: coaching, Coca-cola, craigslist, direct life coaching, halo burger, Malcolm Gladwell, purpose, travis thomas

I am in the last week of our 3-week family adventure in northern Michigan. It has been a terrific trip hanging with family and relaxing in the "not south Florida" summer weather. People have commented about certain days here being humid - haha - if they want to see humidity - I WILL SHOW THEM HUMIDITY!

That is about as macho as I get.

Anyway, recent and exciting news for me is that I will be expanding my coaching this Fall as the assistant soccer coach at my old college Alma mater. This will be an amazing opportunity for me to get back on campus and connect with young men while coaching the game that I love.

The only problem is - I am not exactly in college shape.

Not that I need to be as fit as I was when I was a student, but the last thing I want to do is show up and be the "old man" that can't keep up. So, with training camp starting in roughly 4-5 weeks, I have been trying to step things up.

Now, I often blog about how often I run and it is usually a time I find my best inspiration. But, going for a jog a couple times a week is apples and oranges compared to running around a soccer field with 20-year olds for 3 hours.

You need to run the hill!

So, for the past three weeks or so - I have been running everyday in attempt to get myself in better shape. I have run longer distances, as well as mixing it up with sprint runs and plyometric strength training. Yeah, I am still sore.

But, none of those compare to running the hill! The dreaded hill (seen in the picture above). I knew the hill was waiting for me here in Michigan - and there was nothing I could do to escape it. The hill waits, it taunts me - and I know I have no choice but to run the hill.

So, for the last 8 days...I have run the hill. Okay, so the hill is part of a dirt road that overlooks Lake Bellaire. The hill itself is about 1/4 long, maybe less - but it feels like a lot more. It is steep, with soft dirt most of the way, and it gets steeper the closer you get to the top. The hill comes about 1/2 mile into the run - and then once you get to the top - you still have over 2 miles left. But, at that point, the worst is behind you.

I am loving the hill!

Knowing I was coming up here for a week and a half - I had been dreading the hill. The first couple of days were tough, but now that I have completed the 8th consecutive day - I am loving the hill. I need the hill. The hill has been pushing me - and each run the hill has become less and less intimidating - less scary. The result is that I know I am a lot better off than I was 8 days ago - and it has been a huge boost for my confidence.

What is your hill?

I will be completely honest here. When I was in college, I didn't have the discipline to get in shape to the level I needed to be in. I talked myself into thinking I was really in shape, but I really never was. It was never glaring on the field - but I knew. Back then - there were plenty of hills in my life I was too scared to climb. The goal I wanted to achieve as a player was important to me - but there were some hills I needed to climb (literally and figuratively) to be that player, and I didn't do it. Ouch!

My guess is that there are plenty of us out there who would love to do something special with their life - but there may be some hills that appear too scary. It is much easier to say, " That time has passed," or "It's just not that easy right now." We all have valid excuses like bills that need to paid, taking care of our kids, work obligations - etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc.

These are just hills. They look real scary and daunting - and maybe they really are - but what lies beyond those hills might be worth the climb. And even if you don't achieve your ultimate goal - you will still be a better person for taking on those hills. And remember, you don't need to take on all of those hills at once...

Just pick a hill - and start running!

In his book "The Inner Game of Tennis," Timothy Gallwey describes the true benefit of competition and what it means to embrace the tough challenge of a competitor. He writes, "Reaching the goal itself may not be as valuable as the experience that can come in making a supreme effort to overcome the obstacles involved. The process can be more rewarding than the victory itself." He later adds, "In the use of competition it is the duty of your opponent to create the greatest possible difficulties for you, just as it is yours to create obstacles for him. Only by doing this do you give each other the opportunity to find out what heights each can rise."

That is why I am loving my hill!

In reality, the hill I have been running up here is nothing to write a book about (just a blog), but it has allowed me to look up at bigger hills and think, "Yeah, I could do that!" I need these hills to make me better. These hills are making me better. If I got a call tomorrow telling me the soccer coaching had fallen through - it doesn't take away the little lessons I have been learning over the past few weeks.

The outcomes may change - but the lessons we learn in taking on the obstacles will never leave us empty-handed. So what are you waiting for?

I have one day left here in northern Michigan - so I get one last day to climb the hill - and them move on.

Bring on the next hill!

Much love!

Travis
561.676.4583

Labels: direct life coaching, life coaching, life coaching Travis Thomas, The Inner Game of Tennis

People love their opinions. I know I have them.

Better yet - almost better than having them - we love to share them with anyone who will listen (and those who don't as well).

"Well, I guess I'll put my two cents in!"

Now, I understand. Not only do we have opinions, the reason we often want to share them is because we think they will be helpful (so we think). "So, whether you asked for it or not - here is my opinion - and you might want to listen - because I know what I am talking about."

Isn't this the reason for talk radio...editorials...and better yet...

BLOGS!

Yikes!

Here's the thing we should not forget - when someone offers their "two cents," remember - IT'S ONLY TWO CENTS!

But we rarely value our own opinion as just two cents - often mistaking our thoughts as being worth much more than pennies. So, instead of sharing "Here is what I would do," we quickly jump into, "Here is what you SHOULD do!"

Recently someone gave me a quote that has stuck with me - and I try to keep it front of mind whenever I am about to share my 'two cents' - and the quote is -

"Don't 'should' on me!"

Honestly, who wants to be 'should' on?

Whenever you are in a conversation and someone starts telling you what you 'should' do - how does that make you feel? Were you even asking for a solution?

In all fairness - it is an easy rut to fall into. Why? Because we have grown up in a society that loves to fix.

You got a problem? I can fix it!!!! And here's what you 'should" do!

Whether it is your spouse, kids, friends - or sometimes the stranger off the street - if we here a problem - we quickly add a solution.

But, is this really what the person is ultimately looking for? Think back to a time when you unloaded some feelings on someone. What were you really looking to do? Have your feelings or problem fixed - or be heard and understood?

I am betting it was probably the latter. So, the question is - did you feel that way after your interaction?

Did you feel like this person really tried to understand how and what you were feeling - or did they go into fix mode and "should" on you?

This is a tricky, tricky thing - and not something I can get into too much in a single blog - but I wanted to put it out there as something to think about.

If you truly care about a person - and they are coming to you to share some things they are really thinking or struggling with - might they be looking for a solution from you - or perhaps are they just really seeking to be heard and understood?

The truth is - when we are dealing with something difficult - we often know in our heart what we need to do - but it doesn't mean it is the easy thing to do. We struggle with it, we even fight it, and often times we commiserate with others how difficult or unfair the situation is - but deep down inside - we know what the right thing to do is.

So, when we do open up to someone - we don't want to be 'should' upon - we want to feel heard, supported, understood, and loved!

Yes, the temptation for the other person is to "fix," but if we can just resist the urge - and seek to understand more clearly what the other person is feeling (regardless of our personal opinions) - you allow them to explore deeper and get clearer on what it is exactly they are feeling - and what they need to do. By doing this - we allow them to better understand themself.

Now, I am not going to say you 'should' try this next time the opportunity arises - but I dare you to!

Those are just my two cents - and they really are just two cents :)

Much love,

Travis

PS - Get coached this week - give me a call! 561.676.4583
travis@directlifecoach.com

Labels: direct life coaching, life coaching, listening, self-help, travis thomas

On the vanity mirror in the bathroom I wrote the following on the glass with a dry-erase marker, "Today is a classroom - what are you going to learn?"

On most days the lesson I continue to learn is that I still need more patience. FYI - my kids are excellent teachers. They know how to further my education on a daily basis ;)

The truth is - there is a lesson to be learned everyday - so what are we learning?

I called a friend on the phone last week to see how his day was going. There was a short pause - and then he replied that it was "one of those days." I remarked that it sounded like one of those "learning days," and he agreed. Apparently there was a whole lot of learning going on.

When you think about that a little more - doesn't it make the trials and surprises not so bad? In truth - they are unforeseen (or foreseen) experiences that create a learning experience. At the end of the day...

What did you learn?

I spoke to another family member recently who was thinking heavily about something, and I asked the same question, "What did you learn?" Once we were able to detach our personal ego and feelings from the experience, and look at it from a perspective of growth and learning - there was a whole lot of new insight to move forward with.

Isn't that the point? To keep growing, keep learning, and move out of our comfort zones into spaces where we are forced to learn?

I am going to butcher a great quote, but someone once said something along these lines, "That a sea captain never learns a thing on calm waters." You get the point.

On the contrary - most of us walk around with the "history of our life" under our arms - and we use it as an almanac of "why I am the way I am." Instead of using past experiences as learning moments - we carry them around as evidence to justify why we aren't living a better life. Instead of seeing the positive in what we learned - we dwell on the negative of having to go through the experience.

Think back to last week, last year, or 10 years ago. What are the days or events that stick out most? Were they the days when everything went as planned - or might they have been times when you felt vulnerable, exposed, and surprised? And, if that was the case - what did the end result end up being? How much did you grow as a result? Would you be willing to trade that growth and experience in for "smooth sailing?"

Here is another question. If you are smooth sailing through life - where are you going?

Hmmmmmmmm....

In my last blog I put it out there to everyone that '08 was the year to be bigger! Within 24 hours of that blog I had three different conversations and business meetings with people wanting to play a bigger game this coming year. With each conversation - I remember feeling excited - yet uneasy and vulnerable at the same time! This wasn't because these opportunities felt bad - but because I know they are going to push me to grow in new and scary ways. Sign me up!

So, be careful what you visualize for ;)

If you need help in playing a bigger game in '08 - my first meeting is always on the house :)

Much love,

Travis

FYI - the Leading with Mastery course taught and created by Sandy Wilder is coming to South Florida in May. This is the course I have attended, and have also served in an assistant role on two other occasions. If you are at all interested, we are needing to solidify enrollment ASAP. Call me at 561.676.4583 or e-mail travis@directlifecoach.com

Labels: direct life coaching, happiness, learning, self-help

A friend of mine recently recommended a movie to me and followed it by saying, "I can see you blogging about it."

You were right QL - and here is the blog.

It has actually been a few weeks now since seeing the movie, and the blog has been sitting on my mental back-burner since then - and with the holidays upon us, I think the timing is perfect.

The movie is "Lars and the Real Girl," starring Ryan Gosling. It's a small movie with a quirky story - but the moral of the story is HUGE.

Lars seems to be a pretty normal young guy, but it becomes clear he is holding on to some pretty severe emotional baggage. This culminates with him purchasing a life-size and life-like female doll that he proceeds to talk to and treat as his real girlfriend. Needless to say, his remaining family and small town neighbors are a little confused, shocked, and afraid.

So what do they do?

On the advice of the town's family physician/therapist - they are encouraged to go along with Lars in treating his new "girlfriend" (Bianca) as a real person. As the therapist explains, it doesn't matter what the rest of us thinks, Bianca is real to Lars - so that is all that matters.

Easier said than done.

The movie balances the warmth, compassion, and humor that the townspeople rally and go to in order to support Lars in accepting Bianca as a member of the community. My favorite scene involves Lars coming home from work and wanting to spend some time with Bianca, but when he gets home one of his neighbors is dressing her to go out. Frustrated at her now busy schedule, Lars is told by a neighbor that Bianca has been voted on to the school's PTA Board.

Do you see what is going on here?

It's not about you!

The townspeople figured it out that it wasn't about them either. It was about Lars.

In the film, Lars' brother struggles the most with going along with the charade. At one point he ridicules him for believing that the doll is real - but Lars goes on like he never hears him.

It's not about you.

How often do we really express true empathy? I am talking 100% unconditional empathy. Supporting someone and their beliefs - whether you agree with them or not - and whether or not they sound or look "a little crazy."

We like to correct, combat, and fix!

That's what most of us do best. When we see someone doing or believing something "wrong," we try to correct them. If it doesn't match up with our beliefs - we try to convince them. Yes, our intentions are often good (most of the time) - but we have a hard time accepting people for where they are.

As a parent - this lesson gets thrown back in my face all of the time. Trying to "teach" my 5-year old daughter how to do something gets met with resistance and frustration on her part. She doesn't want to be "taught," but rather understood for where she is. I am starting to get that.

My wife recently shared a quote with me from a life learning magazine she was reading. I think this quote represents what true empathy is all about. The quote is from Naomi Aldort:

"How do you know what to expect at each age? My answer is: Observe. What the child is doing is the living evidence of what she should be doing. It is the same as for you. You are doing your best all the time and any external attempt to change you only gets in the way. Your child is rushing as fast as she can to becoming an adult. When someone runs as fast as they possibly can, a push will only cause him to fall."

Wow! How often have I found myself pushing - instead of supporting or encouraging? That is kind of humbling.

It's not about you!

Empathy is the ability to accept someone for who they are - and "stand beside" them - not get in front of them. With the holidays approaching - many of us will be traveling and spending lots of time with family. This can be a good thing - but it can also be a frustrating experience when we are thrust back into relationships that never seem to change. It is hard not to take on these relationships strategically and figure out how to "fix" them, or finally convince so and so that they just don't get it?

You can't. It's not about you!

What you can do is love them. Love them for who they are - and love them for what they are. Relax, and go into the relationship celebrating all the good they express - and try to let the other stuff go. It can sound easier than it is - but as soon as we accept them for all of their wonderful individuality (one way to spin it) - and stop feeling like we need something from them - we can just enjoy the time "being" with them.

Isn't that what it is all about?

I know I have a ways to go - but my kids give me daily opportunities to put empathy to use. Trying to convince a 3 or 5-year old that monsters don't exist is pointless - but having the patience and compassion to let them know that their fear is understood - I am confident they will figure out the rest.

There is a whole other blog bubbling up because of this topic - but I will save it for another time - maybe next year ;)

Happy Holidays everyone - and remember - if one of your family members gets a life-like doll for Christmas...

It's not about you :)

Much love,

Travis
561.676.4583

Labels: direct life coaching, empathy, Lars and the real girl, self-help, travis thomas

It has been a few weeks since my last blog - and that I apologize for. Right after Thanksgiving I took off for St. Louis with my family for 9 days - and just got back last night.

How in the heck is it December 7th already? When did that happen?

For the last week I feel like I have been in a bubble - but a good bubble :) I have been assisting another Leading with Mastery program - and just as I have felt the previous two times - it was an amazing and inspiring experience.

Here are a few of the ideas I was sitting with this past week...

Do less - be more!

What I mean is this. I can have the tendency to think too much about what I am "doing," and not as much time on what I am actually "being." Trying to cram a lot of activities into the day keeps you in a constant mode of doing - which makes it hard not to always be thinking in the future. Now, I am not making a case for not being efficient - but if we are always in "doing" mode, we seldom allow ourselves to be focused on what is happening in the present. Isn't that what is really key? I find that the times I am most anxious, fearful, or frustrated is when I am not present in the task at hand. Somehow I allow my thoughts to stray to the future and ponder uncertainty - instead of recognizing the opportunity and gratitude of the present moment. In that present moment - I have everything I need - and I am at my best. I feel good, so everyone around me is better off as well. You can only "be" in the now.

Play a bigger game!

How big is the game you are willing to play? What sort of impact do you want to have on your life and everyone around you? I thought about this question a lot over the week. Limitation tries to sneak in to get you to aim low - play it safe - because really, "Who do you think you are? You don't make a difference!" Well, who do you think you are - and do you make a difference? I firmly believe that the game we are all capable of playing is huge - yet we let distractions and fear get in our way of taking the field. I don't want to feel that way - and I am not going to allow myself to play small. The people you love - the whole world - needs you playing a big game - so let's play it together.

What are you committed to?
We are all committed to something. You can live on cruise control - thus committing yourself to live as society or others want you to live - or you can take ownership of your life and commit to something bigger, better, and more powerful. Something that plugs directly into your individual worth and talents - that makes you feel alive - and not only brings you joy and happiness - but is also felt by those around you. Every choice you make throughout your day is a commitment to something - so what exactly are you committing to?

Give yourself the gift of growth!
As I sat in the course last week I kept thinking to myself - look at the kind of transformation that takes place when people give themselves permission to grow. I am talking about an intentional and conscious effort to reconnect with our core - to ask ourself questions that don't have immediate answers - and to really take a hard and honest look at how we are living and where we are going. How often do you do that? When is the last time you spent time in nature and actually listened to nature? When is the last time you picked up a book that stretched your paradigms? When is the last time you honestly asked yourself, "Am I capable of more?"

So, I am gushing with gratitude for the opportunity to spend another week living into mastery. Thank you to all of the participants who welcomed me with their trust. Thank you to Sandy (QL) for letting me ride the LWM wave. And of course, thanks to my sister and her family for letting us shack up for 9 days...yikes!

So, this holiday season...an iPhone might look good - but that will only get you so far. Give yourself a gift that blesses you and everyone around you. Aren't you worth it?

Much love,

Travis
561.676.4583

Labels: direct life coaching, gifts, iPhone, Leading with Mastery, purpose

Today I was having a frustrating day. It wasn't directed at any particular person or event - but was more an accumulation of events that aggravate my patience. Now, I have blogged about my patience in the past - and when it comes to the really important things in life, I feel I have excellent patience. People are often surprised when I tell them that I often struggle with patience, but when it comes to some of the day-to-day things that really shouldn't push my buttons - it happens.

Back to today. It started with two of my kids waking up REALLY EARLY and than feeling less than terrific. Once everyone seemed back to form we piled into the car for a trip to the bank and then Home Depot. When we got to Home Depot - my wife and I both realized neither of us brought our wallet (how does that happen) - so we needed to go back home to get it. We did. Once back at the Depot - service wasn't at its height (I am being nice). Our 20 minute trip turned into an hour. Kids got restless - dad got restless - you get the point. We then had to take the paint we purchased to finish our errands at another stop - at which point the kids were cranky, hungry, and tired (or maybe it was just me). At that point, I was definitely in a funk (not to be mistaken for feeling funky!).

I was taking a lot of deep breaths because I really needed to shake my mental funk. Hearing my 10 week old son screaming for what felt like hours (probably minutes) made it hard - so I tried to take my thoughts back to peaceful prayers and a smidgen of perspective.

Bottom line - I needed a new residence for my thoughts. I needed to move.

So I did.

Where I was living mentally didn't feel too good - and it was beginning to poison everything and everyone around me. That is pretty much what our thoughts do.

Coaching has reinforced for me that it really doesn't matter who you are, where you "physically" live, or how much money you make that brings happiness and peace - but rather it is the foundation of your beliefs that determine how you see the world.

Your beliefs create your perception - and then your perception creates your reality.

It is yours - no one else's!

So...where do you live?

What are your beliefs about work, career, happiness, success, and relationships based on? Is it a positive and good foundation of beliefs - or is it fearful, skeptical, and daunting? Do you think there might be a correlation between your beliefs on these topics - to you current reality?

I am guessing yes!

In Stephen Covey's "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" he talks a great deal about the paradigms we live by as individuals. He writes, "To try to change outward attitudes and behaviors does very little good in the long run if we fail to examine the basic paradigms from which those attitudes and behaviors flow."

i.e. - you can't fake authenticity, sincerity, and truth - if it isn't part of your core.

He also adds, "Each of us tends to think we see things as they are, that we are objective. But this is not the case. We see the world, not as it is, but as we are -- or, as we are conditioned to see it. When we open our mouths to describe what we see, we in effect describe ourselves, our perceptions, our paradigms." Then lastly, "Where we stand depends on where we sit."

Where do you live?

How do you describe yourself...friends...work..etc.?

Abraham Lincoln (a pretty decent President) may have been on to something when he said, "Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."

Mary Baker Eddy also writes, "Our false views of life hide eternal harmony, and produce the ills of which we complain."

Where do you live?

Do you like your neighbors? Do you like your boss and co-workers? Do you like yourself?

To get out of my funk - I needed to recognize where I was living - and remember this was "my perception" and no one else's. It was no one's fault but my own.

I took responsibility - and realized this was an inside job - instead of waiting for the world to change for me. That sounds kind of silly - doesn't it?

Guess what! I am not going to disown my kids after all (at least for one more day). Phew!

If you need some help sprucing up your mental property - I am always happy to talk!

Much love!

Travis

Labels: Abraham Lincoln, direct life coaching, mary baker eddy, Seven Habits of Highly effective people, Stephen Covey

(Reminder: Leave your e-mail in the "subscribe" box to receive an e-mail every time there is a new blog.)

I apologize to anyone who had the wrong idea based on the title of the blog - there are just some things I probably shouldn't blog about ;)

You can't fake it!

Life. Happiness. What you really want to do.

You can't fake it.

Sure, we have all experienced times when we have talked ourselves into a situation - only to find...uhhh...well...it just didn't work out like we expected. Maybe it was a job that would look good on your resume - or the money could not be turned down. Maybe it was a relationship that looked so good on paper - it only made sense. Regardless of the rational and practical reasons we may have used to talk our way into the decision - did it ultimately bring you the peace you were looking for?

I didn't think so!

Why not? Because...

You can't fake it!

Your feelings. Your emotions. Your true sense of value, happiness, and fulfillment cannot be faked. Sure, you can try to ignore them, suppress them, and even pretend you don't have them - but they are there - THEY ARE ALWAYS THERE!

Here's the thing - you are a person - not machine. No matter what you try to do, and regardless of the advice you are given in your life - it won't mean a thing unless the choices you make are fulfilling your deepest desires.

When your head hits that pillow at night - are you at peace with the choices you are making?

That is my barometer - because that is when the noise is quiet. No one is telling you what you should be doing. No distractions. Just you and your thoughts. Are you at peace?

You can't fake it!

If not, don't sweat it - it just means it is time to listen to those feelings and actually do something about it. Sometimes that means drastic steps, while other times it means making some small tweaks and adjustments that gets you feeling better about where you are going.

In his book "Happier" that I am reading and loving right now, Tal Ben-Shahar has this to say, "Had we found ourselves in a job that did not afford us our material needs, we would do everything in our power to change the predicament. So why do we set lower standards for ourselves when the ultimate currency -- when our own happiness -- is at stake? What we need if we are to implement change in our lives is courage. And courage is not about not having fear but about having fear and going ahead anyway."

Whew - can I relate to that! Courage. Jump - at the net will appear!

I have on a few occasions found myself in work and relationship situations when I have miserably failed the pillow test. No matter how long I tried to "stick it out" - the only true happiness was when I actually got out. The pain of not following my heart was much greater than the pain in sacrifice of doing what "seemed best."

I can't fake it!

And neither can you.

You need you at your best. Your friends and family need you at your best! The world needs you at your best!

Stop faking it!

Much love,

Travis - Direct Life Coaching
Life. Courage. Action!

Labels: direct life coaching, Happier, life coaching, Tal Ben-Shahar, travis thomas

(This is part of the "Road Less Traveled" series)

In some of my past blogs I have mentioned a friend of mine who is doing some amazing work with her company WorldBlu. Well, this series is the perfect opportunity to profile Traci Fenton up close and let her tell you in her own words what exactly WorldBlu is, how it came to be, and how it may very well change the way the world works.

Travis: So Traci, give me your elevator description of how you describe WorldBlu.

Traci: Sure! WorldBlu exists to elevate the human sprit by inspiring the supporting the design and development of democratic workplaces around the world. I first founded WorldBlu in 1997 as a non-profit think-tank and then launched it in its current form in the fall of 2003 as a for-profit company.

Travis: But why? Why did you decide to start WorldBlu?

Traci: Founding WorldBlu was never a decision for me, it just something I HAD to do. Although it may sound odd to say, there was no choice involved. I just felt it was my calling, part of what I was made to do in this life. There was an inescapable pull to start it and give all my heart and soul and sometimes blood, sweat and tears to it. I knew that if I didn't it wouldn't let me go until I did. And even though technically I'm the founder of WorldBlu, I feel like each day I strive to be good enough to get to work there.

Travis: You say it was a "calling." Can you elaborate on that? Would you also say this work is part of your life purpose?

Traci: Absolutely this is my calling and my purpose! My purpose in life is to help move people from a mind-set of fear into a mind-set and life of freedom. I strive to do that in many ways, but professionally I get to do it as WorldBlu. How do I know it's my calling? Because it's in my DNA! It's the same thing that sometimes breaks your heart and makes you feel like you can fly! It's the thing that deepens you and brings together all the things you love. The paradox of living your purpose is that it's the most selfish and unselfish thing you could ever do. And when you're doing it you just know and nothing can shake you from it.

Travis: You mentioned that you help people move "from a mind-set of fear." How have you overcome your own fears?

Traci: The first fear is always self-doubt and internal resistance. Who am I to do this? Who will listen to me? Why should they listen to me, etc.? People tell you to push those questions aside but I think you have to take them one by one and answer them for yourself.

Asking myself, "Why would anyone listen to me?" has pushed me to become an expert in my field. I wanted to be in the know so that others would listen to me! So you learn to manage and eventually transcend your own self-doubt but then you also hit the logistical obstacles which usually revolve around lack...lack of money, time, resources, people, and clients, etc. But I've come to learn that lack is just a way of seeing. I'm still learning this lesson each day, but as I focus on wholeness, I see that more and more played out in my day and at WorldBlu in unexpected ways.

Travis: What are some of the other obstacles you have had to handle?

Traci: I think another set of obstacles that you then find is what others think about you or your company and their criticism in its myriad forms that come along. This year one of our major projects got a lot of press coverage, reaching about 30 million people, far beyond what we ever anticipated. With that also comes criticism and so I'm learning how to deal with that. But again, moving from fear to freedom and keeping with my purpose is often about looking fear straight-on, not ignoring it, not running from it. I have to really work at it sometimes, but ultimately if I'm dealing with a form of fear, I try to get to a point where I can say to the challenge, "Thank you because you are teaching me how to love unconditionally, how to be a smarter business woman, how to be more discerning, etc." Sometimes you just have to love the hell out of things!

Travis: To take on a cause of this magnitude - I can't imagine the spiritual resolve you need to get through each day. So, where do you turn for that support and inspiration?

Traci: There are many resources and people I turn to each day to keep me on track. You cannot do it alone and I'm so grateful for all the mentors and friends I have who unselfishly help me stay on purpose.

As a Christian Scientist, I begin each day by getting centered in what I've learned about God expressing His life as me and listening for direction for God. That always comes first. I read Science and Health by Mary Baker Eddy and the Bible each day. I am also blessed to have a cadre of fantastic spiritual and business mentors who coach me and keep me in the zone and who are also willing to kick my bum if I'm not! You've got to surround yourself with people who hold you accountable to your purpose.

People who are going BIG in life also inspire me, -- whether it is an innovative new idea that someone comes up with to help change the world for the better, an athlete overcoming the odds or a musician who is moving the masses through expressing soul, people who live a no-holds-barred life give me energy and feel like my soul brothers and sisters. They inspire me. I also love the book, "The War of Art" by Steve Pressfield. It's another life guidebook for me. I highly recommend it. I also do something called "commitments" each day. This is a tool that one of my spiritual mentors, Sandy Wilder, taught me, and it's a collection of things I do each day to keep me mentally sharp, awake to the world, and spiritually-grounded. I also run a lot, and this gives me time to think. I always say I'm a better person after I get back from a run! Lastly, I have learned to ultimately trust my intuition over other's opinions to help me stay the course. It's a beautiful thing when you finally get to the point where you've learned to trust yourself.

Travis: With all the people you meet and place you go - it must be hard to stay focused. How do you keep your purpose and priorities in the right place?

Traci: When my Dad - who was one of my best friends and biggest supporters -- passed on when I was in my mid-twenties, I learned a fast lesson about what really matters in this life. I got perspective and I saw that when we pass away we leave everything else behind. Who cares about the car, the house, the material stuff! It doesn't really matter in the end and it certainly doesn't define who you are.

Ultimately everything we do is just a vehicle that the universe gives us to help us let go of a material concept of life and see more of our innate spirituality. WorldBlu is one of my main vehicles for this kind of deep learning, just as I think becoming a parent or a life-partner with someone can be. They're all just vehicles. WorldBlu could disappear at the moment's notice, but the lessons I've learned, the experiences, the alchemy of it all cannot be taken from me no matter what. This perspective of simultaneous permanence and impermanence is what helps me keep grounded and not take it for granted and it keeps me in a state of awe. This is a moment-by-moment journey for me and I truly and deeply love it.

Travis: I know you are off to London - so thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts and feelings on what is truly a world changing cause and company.

Have a great day everyone!

Travis

PS - To find out more about Traci and WorldBlu - visit the Website at www.WorldBlu.com

Labels: direct life coaching, road less traveled, Traci Fenton, travis thomas, WorldBlu

Huey Lewis anyone?

Come on..."Sports" was a huge hit - and may I add - the first ever music cassette that I ever purchased! That thing was loaded with hits.

We have been doing 80's themed improv shows for the past two weeks - so I digress.

But, there is a correlation.

A few years ago I read a book called "Quarter-life Crisis." When I have told people about the title of the book they kind of laugh. They think, "How is it possible to have a crisis in your 20's...those are the glory years...right?"

You tell me.

Well, that is what I was told growing up, and I assume you were told the same thing. The 20's are supposed to be the best time of your life...

Just as long as you...

* Get great grades in high school
* Build an impressive resume to get into the college of your choice
* Work hard in college and choose a major that will make you successful
* Graduate and go to graduate school - OR - get a job at Company "X" and get on the ladder to success
* Joy, Passion, Love...not now...they will come once you have the career taken care of!

Right? Sounds pretty normal. That is the main gist I heard growing up (not from my parents mind you) - so it only makes sense that if you follow that criteria - happiness is the result.

Yeah - you know better than that.

In "Quarter-life Crisis" it details how much of a problem this really is. Twenty year-olds are working this recipe just as instructed. They're getting into good schools, getting great jobs, and making a great salary...

Then...a few years into it - they are struck with the alarming realization...

"Is this it?"

They did it. Everything they were supposed to. And now they have it - but what do they have?

Now, you don't need to just be in your 20's, or mid-life, to feel this crisis. In fact, from my experience - this feeling of crisis crosses all age, culture, and gender.

The problem for the twenty year-olds is this - they think they are alone. Why wouldn't they? If they are supposed to be having the time of their life (Dirty Dancing reference) - and they are not - well something must be wrong with them. That's not good.

You are not alone!

Put your hand up if you can relate to the feeling of discontent. (Okay, put your hand down now...that's awkward)

Here's a hint...if someone has told you "this is the track to success" - jump off as quick as you can!

I am not saying that we shouldn't seek out mentors or learn from others - that is not what I am saying. Learning from those that went before us - or seeking out advice from others is fine - as long as the answers and actions you take away work for you!

That is the key - how do the ideas work for you?

You are unique - there has never been another you - and so your track to success needs to be YOUR OWN TRACK TO SUCCESS.

You are making the tracks - not jumping on someone else's.

If the above recipe for success works for you - GREAT!!! That is your track then - but it doesn't need to be anyone else's.

So, take out a pen and chart your own course!
Grab a knife and carve your own mold!
Sit down on your computer and re-type the rules - your rules!

Bottom line - if the track or course you are on is not bringing you consistent joy, peace, and fulfillment - it's time to look at that track more closely and ask yourself - "Is this really my path - or someone else's?"

Do it now!

And if you need help - call me!

Much love,

Travis
travislthomas@mac.com
561.676.4583

LIFE. COURAGE. ACTION!

Labels: direct life coaching, Huey Lewis, quarter-life crisis, travis thomas

The following blog is part of the "Road Less Traveled" series.

The first thing you notice about William is his energy. It's intense, but authentic. I kept feeling that I needed to say more to match his enthusiasm, but he didn't need to make me a believer, I was already sold.

I never watch the local news, and even less read the local paper. So, the odds of me actually thumbing through the neighborhood paper was slim - but I was bored - so I thought I would see what was going on in my backyard. I'm glad I did.

Now, before I get into this too much, you need to know that my wife and I are trying to get "greener" everyday. We bought more efficient light bulbs, we bring our own bags to the grocery store, and we are good about recycling. But, we are a long way off from winning any Green Peace awards. You can't really call me a tree hugger - but I will shake their hands ;)

Anyway, what I was struck at most about the article was William's simplicity. Here was a guy who wanted to make a difference, so he found a simple way to make it happen. For anyone who has kids as has seen the animated film "Robots," William put this principle into practice...

"See a need - fill a need!"

So, let's get to find out more of who and what I am talking about.

William Djubin has lived in 16 locations in Florida, and he definitely enjoys the water.

"I accepted a job in North Carolina for 8 months, but could not be away from the Ocean any longer. During the last 8 years I have only lived in coastal or waterfront property and vowed not to leave her (ocean) side again. I have personally witnessed mass fish kills, pollution dumping, and beach erosion. I feel that a part of me has been asked to protect her (ocean) and as well I feel indebted to her for all she has done for me."

After the hurricane destruction in recent years to the beaches and oceans, William discovered that not all of the environmental needs were being met. So, he needed to come up with an idea.

"I began brainstorming for an invention, inexpensive, tangible, interactive, one that could link everyone (foundations, consumers, public) to the same goal, relieving the pain environmental foundations have. I needed to create a live-strong bracelet for the environment, but one that would be much more visible, a license-plate! One day while driving I day-dreamed about bright green license plates on 50% of traffic, and what that would tell the Leaders of the World. When our communities/citizens display their concern for environmental health, all the tiny voices will be heard."

A green license plate. No text, no graphics, no clever slogan. Just green - just plastic. In fact, 100% recycled plastic. Nothing added - completely recycled. Simple, yet powerful. William's company is called "EarthRehab," and the green license plate program is its main focus.

It's simple, you go to his Website (go here now) - you purchase a green license plate for the front of your car - and then you choose from a list of environmental companies to decide where you want your contribution to go. $10...ten bucks...that's it. I was so impressed I bought two the day I read the story.

"EarthRehab sort of hired me, the Ocean sort of hired me, and the trust the Environmental Foundations instilled in the project hired me. The early on victories of the mission propelled me to keep pushing forward. When you get the rights to the name EarthRehab, when you have a manufacturer that suggests 100% recycled milk jugs for the product, when the most respected Foundations want to get involved with your vision, it doesn't seem fabricated. It helps you believe that this is your life purpose. You see, a green license plate will never be as important as people discovering the Foundations through our links page. Bridging the gap between those who need help, and those who wish to give is the most important thing."

I asked William what the spiritual/inspirational connection of his work was, and I loved his response.

"The Ocean is my Church, my place for understanding, my resource for sanctity and she empowers me to always grow and enlighten others threw knowledge and caring. I rely on nature and the environment for peace of mind and relaxation, I cannot envision not being able to spend a day at the beach."

William is just another example of what can be accomplished when we follow our heart. The green license plate project has really just started, but I am excited to see how far and how big this idea will rise.

So, for $10 - you can make a serious environmental statement - even if you're a "tree handshaker" like me. But, don't listen to me, take it from the guy with all the energy.

"I feel like a Santa Claus for the environment, I provide proceeds to the foundations and a 'vehicle of concern' expression for the consumer. At $10 a license plate we may be the least expensive plate with the most rewards for the consumer."

Thanks Santa - and to all of you - buy your plate or you'll get a lump of coal in your stocking. Wow, you could really take this Santa analogy a long way ;)

Much love!

Travis

Labels: direct life coaching, EarthRehab, environment, green license plates, road less traveled, travis thomas

"The ref blew the call!"

"Politicians lied!"

"My parents never helped out."

"That guy totally cut me off."

Odds are, if you have ever uttered one of those phrases - or any other type of "justification," it is because you are explaining why things didn't work out.

We LOVE justification for our failures - and I am just as guilty as anyone. A few weeks ago I talked about how your ego is a dream killer. Well, your ego loves justification - they are best friends.

Ego & Justification = BFF (Okay, only the teens got that one - OMG)

Here's the thing about justification, and why it is so dangerous - it's because you might actually be RIGHT! We really may have gotten rooked on that bad call. Our parents really may have held us back (not you mom and dad), politicians have been known to lie, and that guy really is a clueless driver.

See - you have every reason to be upset - and you will probably find others to support you and throw fuel on the fire.

But, when it is all said and done...

WHO CARES?

Are you really looking to have a reason for NOT being happy or successful - or would you rather dust yourself off and get back at it? Because, if you need an excuse - you will always find something. It is a lot harder to keep taking punches and continue to keep coming back.

WHAT ARE YOUR OPTIONS?

You either live an unfulfilled life surrounded by the justification of why you couldn't do or be the person you wanted to be. Or, you keep plugging away, you keep scrapping and adapting - not taking failure or unfairness as a cop-out - but just another hurdle to get around.

Don't tell me why it didn't work out. Tell me what you learned from it and are now doing better!

I can run down a list of ego driven justifications of why I haven't achieved certain goals - but none of them make me feel good when I go to sleep at night. As Jack Canfield of the Chicken Soul for the Soul series explains it, "They all amount to a bunch of 'So what!"

So what are you doing about the obstacles preventing you from being and doing the things you want to do?

In my favorite "spiritual slap in the face book," Science and Health, Mary Baker Eddy says it this way, "The devotion of thought to an honest achievement makes the achievement possible. Exceptions only confirm this rule, proving that failure is occasioned by a too feeble faith."

"Too feeble faith." Ouch. Not me.

If you have been wronged, I really am sorry - but now what? Or, like Jack Canfield would say, "So what?" Join the club!

If justification is your worst friend - then let's hope we can all work on seeing that we are NEVER justified for giving in on our purpose and passions.

If you are needing your own "spiritual slap in the face" - give me a call :)

Much love!

Travis

Labels: Chicken Soup for the Soul, christian science, direct life coaching, Jack Canfield, mary baker eddy, Science and Health, travis thomas

I am needing to sit down right now and write this blog - just write it!

There is a lot going on...new baby soon...two new shows next week...life coaching meetings...rehearsals...running the kids to classes...fighting crime (okay...one of the things I listed isn't true). Guess which one?

Writing this blog is very important to me - a priority - but I let other (less important) things creep in and steal my focus. Not to say these other things weren't important - but to put them on my scale of importance - they don't bring me the satisfaction of writing the blog.

So the question is...how important are they? And, why are they taking me away from what really makes me feel good?

I, like many of us, get preoccupied with "important and urgent" tasks - that only in the long run prevent us from doing what we really want to be doing. These are the things we commonly call "fires that pop up" - so we put them out. In fact, we might be really good in putting these fires out - but at the end of the day - what kind of progress did we make?

Unless you are a firefighter - just putting out fires isn't enough.

If you are not a firefighter - the question you should be asking yourself is..."How hot is this fire? Do I need to be the one to put it out? What happens if it doesn't get put out right this very moment?"

Sure, they're are plenty of fires that need immediate attention - but there are many more "to do's" that we have deemed "fires" that really don't require our immediate focus - and dare I say - might not even need us.

Your job is to figure out what really is a fire - and what is not. Your next job is to figure out why these fires happen - and solve them from happening again - or delegate them to someone who is a better and more appropriate firefighter.

Okay, enough of the firefighter analogy.

Here are some potential addictive distractions we give way too much attention to:
* answering every blessed phone call (Curse our new cell phone obsession)
* being a slave to e-mail (trust me - if it's an e-mail - it can probably wait. If there really is a fire - they'll call - and when you don't answer - they will leave a message)
* the news (might there be a better and more informed way to get what you really need that doesn't involve a 24 hour news network or the 6:00 local news? Answer: Yes, there is!)

These are just three to start - and there are many, many more!

Cut these out - and what might you do with your extra time?

Maybe...read something inspiring OR sit with your own thoughts for 10 minutes OR work on your favorite hobby or activity OR have a stimulating conversation with someone OR notice what a beautiful environment you live in.

How about a little spiritual reflection or personal growth time? Prayer? Meditation? Might getting your thoughts in a better place improve all the different aspects of your life?

I bet you can think of a few more. I need to thank Timothy Ferriss and his book "4-Hour Workweek" for enlightening me to these distractions - and I recommend reading his book for an even clearer explanation of the value of mastering these "fires."

Bottom line: When there is something you really want to do (a better option) - you find a way to get it done! If your boss tells you that you can call it a day when your work is done - I guarantee that you will get the so-called 3 hours of work you need done in about an hour. All you needed was the better alternative - and you made it work.

So, what would you rather be doing instead of putting out fires? Answer that question honestly - and you hold the key to the fulfillment and satisfaction you are craving.

How hungry are you?

Much love!

Travis

PS - I am glad I took the time to write this - it felt a lot better than doing some organizing (which will still get done on its own time).

Labels: 4 hour workweek, direct life coaching, timoth ferriss, travis thomas

Wouldn't it be great if we were all on the same page?

I am not a singer, but wouldn't it be great if we were all singing the same song - or telling the same story?

Maybe it's your spouse, boss, kids, or our world leaders - it would just be great if we were all governed by the same set of laws and motives.

You look at the world conflicts taking place, and not only are we not literally talking the same language - it seems we have strikingly different views of right and wrong - good and bad.

You look and what is happening in your own backyard - and you think - did he really just say that?

I think to myself - we all inhabit the same earth, we breathe the same air, and we all seem to want health and happiness - why can't we all sing the same song?

As a spiritual practice, I pray daily for this idea that all of us are indeed governed by one set of laws and motives - to me I think of it as one Mind. To me, my spiritual practice thinks of this one Mind as God - but you might translate that to Being, or just a power bigger than yourself.

So, I pray each day to try to see the good in everyone and everything - to (try) getting past my opinions and judgments of others (friends, family, strangers, politics, etc.) and instead see that the same Mind that I connect to for inspiration, creativity, and ideas is the same Mind that everyone else has access to as well.

Not always easy to do ;)

This past weekend my wife and I attended a yearly spiritual association that she and I belong to. It's a great opportunity to spend the day getting a spiritual boost and rejuvenation. Our speaker this year was a fabulous woman who has been a military chaplain for the past 30 years - and she broke down a word in a way that I have never viewed it before.

Back to my prayers - each day I pray to see that everyone and everything in this universe is governed by the same rules and laws.

Wouldn't it be great if there was a way to show people that we really all are on the same page - instead of separate disconnected strangers?

What would that one word be? Well, as our speaker revealed to us - the word already exists...

Universe!

Uni = One
Verse = song/prose, etc.

Smack! Can't believe the word "universe" has been sitting there the whole time - yet the simple and powerful significance of the word never smacked me in the face - until now!

Everyday in my prayers I have included the universe - never acknowledging that the universe had already included me.

We are not separate and disconnected. We are all on the same page, singing the same song, telling the same story.

Sure, my voice is awful, but it fits in there somewhere. Yes, other people may have horrendous punctuation and grammar - but they are still telling the same story. Regardless of our differences and hang-ups - the bottom line is that we are all in the same universe - and hidden within the complex symphonic schemes is a thread of harmony that connect us all.

(Wow, can you believe I just wrote "symphonic schemes"...isn't that even grammatically correct?)

How would your day be different if you approached it from the standpoint that you and your coworkers are inherently on the same page? Or, that you and your spouse are singing the same song - and even (big gulp here) that you feel our world leaders are on the same page - WITH GOOD INTENTIONS!

It might seem too big to ponder - so let's start small. Let's take this concept into our daily interactions. Let's expect more harmonious relationships in our day to day lives - and instead of looking for differences - let's embrace the diversity all of our "song singers" bring to the chorus.

Mary Baker Eddy writes in Science and Health, "The universe is filled with spiritual ideas, which He [Mind] evolves, and they are obedient to the Mind that makes them." (I added the word in brackets)

That my friend is harmony - not chaos. Cooperation - not conflict. Brotherhood - not strangers.

This might be a big pill to swallow - so if you need a cup of water to wash it down - give me a call ;)

Much love,

Travis

Labels: christian science, direct life coaching, mary baker eddy, spirituality, travis thomas

Have you ever stopped to think about the things you might try if it wasn't for your ego?

They might include:

* Taking a dance class
* Volunteering
* Writing a poem
* Being honest with a friend
* Asking someone out on a date
* Pursuing your dream job
* Trying an art class
* Smiling more
* Give a compliment
* Laughing more
* Learning a new language
* Giving a stranger a hug
* Joining a gym
* Exploring a spiritual practice or faith
* Wearing a bathing suit
* Take up an instrument
* Sing louder
* Criticizing and judging less

Okay - I need to cut the list somewhere - but it could go on and on! Do any of those activities resonate with you?

Odds are, if any of those activities look desirable to you, and you are not pursuing it - it is because your ego has jumped in the way. Yes - the ego! The voice inside your head that sounds just like you - but in reality - is not you at all. Actually, it is the voice inside your head that prevents you from being YOU!

The ego is so clever and deceptive because it shows up in what appears to be our own thoughts - cloaked in fear, doubt, cynicism, and apathy. The ego takes all of those things that would actually make you a better person - and tricks you into thinking, "I would never be good at that," "What a waste of time!" "I'll look like a fool!" "People would think I am silly." "I don't have enough time or money." "I wasn't born with those talents." "I'll try that one day - once I do the important stuff!"

The ego is a purpose killer! If you are able to articulate your life purpose and passion - the ego will be right there standing in your way!

So, what's the answer? DO IT ANYWAY!!!

Fall flat on your face. Look like a fool. Be judged. Realize your poems aren't that good. Spend too much on your trip. Get rejected. Be laughed at. Feel uncomfortable.

Yup - all of those could happen - but with no ego to stand in the way - does it really matter?

BRUISE THAT EGO!

Bruise it good! In the process, you might just find, that as unpleasant as it is to get your ego stepped on - it doesn't even come close to trying and pursuing the things you love.

Is your ego getting in the way of your true happiness?

Mary Baker Eddy writes in Science and Health, "Unselfish ambition, noble life-motives, and purity,-- these constituents of thought, mingling, constitute individually and collectively true happiness, strength, and permanence."

How important is your ego to you?

So, your goal today is to take a chance, get out of your comfort zone, follow an impulse - basically anything that might BRUISE THAT EGO!

Let me know how it goes :)

Much love,

Travis

Labels: christian science, direct life coaching, ego, mary baker eddy, passion, purpose

My wife and I recently flew back from a trip in Michigan with our two young children. Our daughter is five-years old, and our son is a wiggly two-years old. Anyone who has traveled with their own young kids can relate to the not-always relaxing feeling this experience brings.

Well, despite having two wonderful flying children, our youngest son decided to make this flight interesting. He threw things, he screamed, he kicked the seat in front of him, he rolled on the ground, he cried, he taunted his mom, he taunted me - it was one of those flights where I felt other passengers thinking, "Those poor parents!" Or, "Those awful parents!"

At the end of the flight, when we could finally stand (and find some sanity), two young girls (probably 8 & 9) sitting behind my wife and son shared this nugget of helpful feedback, "Boy, your son was really annoying...but at least he is cute."

Kids, they say the darndest things!

My wife and I both bit our tongues, and as unappreciative we were of their comments - they were kind of on to something...

Mainly "...at least he is cute!"

Here were two girls with perspective! Sure, they endured his shenanigans for over 2 hours - and in the end - they found some silver lining to walk away with (thank God he is cute).

Once in our car, we still had a 3 hour drive home (need a new travel agent) - and I had time to reflect on the flight. By all means, it would of been very easy for my wife and I to bemoan what an awful trip we just experienced - but we really didn't. In fact, looking back I was able to express gratitude for the fact that the flight was on time, our seats were together, we got all of our luggage, and that it was over ;)

Seriously though, I was grateful that despite my son's behavior being a nightmare - it was over! Whatever bee got in his bonnet was gone. There was no need for me to keep seeing him that way and reliving the experience - so I freed him from that experience by forgiving him. If he was able to get his normal self back - there was no reason for me to attach any unnecessary negativity. That was baggage neither of us needed.

if you think about this example in a bigger picture - there is a lot of freedom we can give ourselves and others by letting whatever happened go. And not just forgiving, but actually being able to look back at negative experiences and express gratitude for the good that was present as well.

We tend to remember experiences in black and white terms. Something was either good - or bad. But often, there are usually elements of both - but what we choose to remember and focus on becomes the memory we create for ourself.

I challenge all of you - to this week try to find the good in any experience that leaves a negative taste in your mouth. Maybe it's the poor service you get at the store, or a rude co-worker, or an impatient spouse (my wife can relate) - and try to then think back, let go of the negative, and then acknowledge something from the same experience to be grateful for.

If you notice anything interesting - let me know!

Hey - at the very least - if someone ticks you off - they might be cute ;)

Much love!

Travis

Labels: direct life coaching, forgiveness, gratitude, life coaching, personal growth, positive thinking, travis thomas

Have you ever played in the waves in the ocean?

You know, it gets a little rough - you're not paying attention, and before you know it you've been blind-sided by a wave - and now you can't tell which way is up. Now, you're sucking in sand and salt water - but the bottom line is...

YOU NEED OXYGEN!!!

We've all been there! Just when you think you can't make it another moment - you break the surface - take in a giant gasp of air - and your world comes rushing back into balance.

SAVED! Whew - that was a close one.

Recently I've been trying to think about my life in these same terms. Mainly, from what in life do I receive my oxygen for living?

For me, my list is pretty short and sweet - it includes:

* My wife and kids
* My family and friends
* A creative outlet (most often improvisation)
* My spiritual journey
* Helping humanity (what is my legacy?)

These are my oxygen! (Or is it, "This is my oxygen?" You get the point!)

When I have gone through stretches of discontent, unfulfillment, or straight out boredom - I can look back and notice that I wasn't getting my oxygen.

And what does that feel like?

Well, it feels like being tossed under a wave sucking in sand and salt water. It's uneasy, uncomfortable, scary, and often helpless.

Well, I guess it should be!

We're talking about our oxygen here - yet how many of us allow ourselves to get so distracted with tasks and activities that ultimately only serve to keep us from our oxygen?

I know I sometimes do.

Could that e-mail wait - or might it feel better to spend some quality time playing with your kid? Which is your oxygen?

Do you really need to clean out that closet right now - or might you spend some time on that next chapter of your book? Which is your oxygen?

Is your favorite TV show really that important - or is there a friend you've been meaning to connect with? Which is your oxygen?

When it's all said and done - and your head hits the pillow at the end of the night - how are you breathing?

Do you go to sleep thinking about everything you wish you could of done that day - or worrying about things you need to do tomorrow - OR - do you just fall asleep satisfied with another day of living oxygen filled?

Ask yourself this: What are your daily oxygen activities? AND... What gets in the way of these activities being fulfilled?

Once we have identified the priorities and the obstacles - the rest is like shooting fish in a barrel (although I do not advocate guns - but fish is delicious!)

Remember, if you need a little help catching your breath - give me a call - the first one is free :)

Much love!

Travis

Labels: direct life coaching, goals, life coaching, oxygen, purpose, travis thomas