Direct Life Coaching

Recently my wife and I got settled in to a new home. When it comes to having a harmonious relationship with my wife - I have no complaints. Yet, when there have been times when things aren't clicking the way they should, I have often asked myself the question, "why?"

Over the past year, when my wife and I have had a riff, or an argument, or we're annoyed with one another - once the dust has settled I have tried to look back and figure out what happened.

I think I figured it out!

Stay with me - I am a pretty simple guy, and I think I have found the simple solution, and it looks like this:

When our relationship is working it is because we are in a spirit of "cooperation" with one another. When it is not working, it is because at least one (maybe both) of us is in a mode of "competition."

That's it!

Peace and Harmony = COOPERATION
Combatative and Annoyed = COMPETITION

Case in point. I was left in charge of unpacking and organizing one room in our new place. As I started to unbox everything I got overwhelmed. I didn't know what to do with everything. Plus, my wife had already begun to organize everything in a specific way, but I didn't know the system. I felt flustered, anxious, and helpless. I pictured myself collapsing into the pile of things and making agonizing "stuff" angels. Calgon take me away!

By the time my wife came in to check my progress I had already passed my breaking point. It didn't take much before I focused all of my frustration on her, blamed her for my plight, and behaved so embarrasingly immature that I humiliated myself. Yeah, it was pretty sad.

Once I got some distance from my tamtrum, I asked myself the question, "What happened?" The answer was clear. All of this moving my wife and I had done, as soon as I had a project that wasn't going well, I looked for a scapegoat. Instead of asking my wife for help, and treating the project as a cooperation - I mentally turned her into the enemey. In doing so I tried to make a case for myself of how this was unfair, and comparring the amount of work we were each doing. I was making lists in my head of who has done what, and trying to convince myself that my behavioir was justified. I was viewing our relationship as a competition that somehow involved a scoreboard of "who" and "how much" each person does.

Either way, I was still the loser.

Once I got my head out of my...well...you know...I apologized and explained myself to my wife - who graciously accepted my apology. As I moved forward I couldn't help thinking how simple this concept of cooperation vs. competition really is.

To put it this way, when we are in a mode of cooperation - we are actually thinking: "What can I GIVE in this situation?"

When we are in a mode of competition, we are thinking: "What can I GET in this situation?"

Cooperation vs. Competition is the same as Giving vs. Getting.

If I look back at all of the speed bumps in my marriage - I can honestly say it is because one or both of us were competiting. We might compete over who does the most housework, or who has more responsibility with the kids, or who spends the most money?

When one person feels this way, it is difficult for the other person not to be offended and get on the defensive. When the other person jumps into the fight, it becomes a trial of who does the most? Or, who neglects the other? Or, who gives the most love?

Yeah, it can be pretty ugly.

Now, think of your relationships when things are perfect. When there is harmony and peace. For me, that is when both of us are appreciating one another, or going out of our way to help the other person out. It also means that you or your partner are not feeling "needy" or "left out." Both of you are in a mode of giving, not getting, so your focus, attention, and love is on the other person - not yourself.

Think of any relationship in your life - and is it good or bad? Either way, I truly believe you can narrow it down to whether or not your relationship with that person (or thing) is in cooperation or competition. As I think about all the things in my life that I am in relationship with - this idea works. Think of your relationship to your friends, family members, or co-workers - it works. Now, think of your relationship to your health, or the enviornment...

The idea still works!

So, when you are feeling inharmony in a relationship - maybe it is as easy as making a simple shift in attitude. Maybe you can talk to the other person and see if they are interested in agreeing to a "Non-compete clause."

And you thought those contracts were just for the business world ;)

Have a great day everyone!

Much love,

Travis
561.676.4583

Labels: counseling, life coaching Travis Thomas, non-compete clause, relationships, self-help, therapy, travis thomas

"It was us against the world!"

If you have watched any sports team championship in the past few years you have grown a little tired of the phrase above. Apparently, any team that wins a title claims they did so "against all odds." The funny thing is, teams that have even been favored to win, and were supposed to win, somehow end up claiming "It was us against the world."

Really?

I get it. There is little that motivates a team, player, or coach more than the experts or public opinion claiming they don't have a chance. If that is the case, what do you have to lose - just go prove everyone wrong! So, it should not be a shocker that in recent years, many teams that have won titles weren't necessarily the team picked to do so. I still remember in 2006 when my beloved Detroit Tigers were preparing to play the underdog St. Louis Cardinals in the World Series. One national columnist said Detroit would win the 7 seven game series so easily, it might only take three games to do so. Talk about locker room material for the Cardinals. Guess who won the series in five games? Not Detroit. (I still haven't gotten over that one).

That brings us to the 2009 NCAA Men's Basketball tournament - better known as March Madness. My favorite time of the year. This year, the Final Four was held in Detroit, MI - less than 70 miles from where I grew up. I have spoken of my love and roots to the state of Michigan - and I am a die hard Michigan State University fan, since a few of my family members have gone there (sorry U of M). So, watching Michigan State march to the championship game this year was a special event - because, in many ways, it was the ultimate "home game" for a state needing a warm feeling of "home" more than anywhere else in the country.

Let me quickly add, there is no Hollywood ending here. MSU got blown out in the final against heavily favored and deserving winners North Carolina. It was a sad ending, but what was accomplished by MSU just getting to the final game is what was so inspiring - and that is what I want to highlight.

"Us against the world."

I am so tired of hearing that phrase. MSU was a #2 seed in the tournament, which is a great seed, so getting to the Final Four for them wasn't exactly a Cinderella story - yet it kind of was. It takes 4 wins just to make it to the Final Four, and after their second game, most of the experts were picking against them. At that time, it would of been easy for head coach Tom Izzo and the players to adopt the mantra, "Us against the world."

But they didn't.

They did the exact opposite. Tom Izzo was born, raised, went to school, and has never worked anywhere but inside the state of Michigan. He bleeds Great Lakes. A few years ago when it was announced that the 2009 Final Four would be held in Detroit, he started recruiting and preparing his team for that destination. Little did he know, that a few years later, by the time the tournament rolled around, Detroit would be the poster city for our current financial struggle. It has one of the highest unemployment rates in the country. The wheels are falling off the auto companies. Detroit remains to be the butt of every one's joke. To those associated with the state of Michigan, or the city - no one's laughing.

When the tournament rolled around this year, and Izzo saw what a run to the Final Four could do for a state looking for an early stimulus package - the goal became a little more important. If any city in the country right now could claim "Us against the world," it would be Detroit. But they don't. Neither did Izzo and Michigan State.

Game after game. Interview and after interview. Izzo and the players talked about playing "for" the people of Michigan. On numerous occasions they talked about "providing a ray of light for the city." They mentioned wanting to "give the people something positive to think about for a few weeks." There was never a mention of "showing up the experts," but instead, they were playing for people other than themselves - for a cause BIGGER than themselves. Besides, many of the players were Michigan bred themselves. They have felt the pain. Now, they wanted to provide some relief.

The results were awesome. In their run to the final, they beat the Pac-10 champion (USC), the defending national champion (Kansas), the overall #1 seed in the tournament (Louisville), and the team that was ranked #1 for the longest period during the season (Connecticut). As I mentioned, in those last three games, they were seldom picked to win.

If you watched the games (as I did on the edge of my seat) - you could see how they were playing outside of themselves. They were playing "in a zone," and "above their heads." After beating Connecticut in the semi-finals, the game no one gave them a chance to win, Connecticut head coach Jim Calhoun had this to say, (and I paraphrase), "I watched tape of them this season against other teams. The team we played tonight was not that team."

Maybe the Spartans were on to something.

We are all inspired by moving stories of triumph against all odds. When an individual or group of people rally around a cause to achieve a goal many thought impossible. We connect with these stories because they reveal such selflessness, courage, and perseverance. If you are like me, you ask yourself, "Could I have done that?"

Well, could you?

What in your life has this kind of importance? And by importance, I mean something that is bigger than you. Something that helps or blesses others. Something that forces you to make sacrifices, stretch your comfort zone - and get out of yourself. Do you think it is any coincidence that we compliment someone by saying they played "out of their mind," and we also encourage people to "get out of themselves." Might their be a correlation?

It sounds to me - that when we get our own ego and self-interest out of the way -and actually live, play, or strive for something bigger than ourselves - MAGIC HAPPENS!

So, it's not "us against the world," it's actually "You 'FOR' the world!" Doesn't that have a better ring to it?

And, you know what they give champions don't you - RINGS!!!

So, if you want to experience some magic - you better decide what you are "FOR!"

If you are not sure, I would be happy to listen!

Much love!

Travis
561.676.4583

PS - Thanks coach Izzo and the Spartans.

Labels: basketball, direct life coaching, Final Four, Michigan State basketball, Tom Izzo, travis thomas

Okay - it has been forever since my last blog, and after my last blog I vowed to get back on a regular schedule, but alas, here I am. I am grateful you all are so forgiving ;)

The last month or so has been bananas. We moved out of our rental in St. Louis, put all of your stuff in my sister's garage for storage (thanks sis), stayed in her house for a week (thanks again), then drove down to Florida where we'll be for at least two months - and now we are finally feeling a little settled.

And here is the blog!

So, about a month ago my wife and I took our kids to a butterfly habitat. Side note, if you are a Brian Regan fan, here is a great bit about him taking his child to a butterfly habitat. Back to me. So, I could blog about the fact that my almost 7 year old daughter was terrified of the butterflies. Seriously, she was in tears shaking. You would of thought we were in the middle of an asteroid field. "They're EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!" she screamed. Anyway, that will probably be a different blog.

Before we went into the Butterfly-dome, we watched a 10 minute video on the caterpillar, and the process of turning into a butterfly. I kind of new the basics (don't we all), but I learned a few cool things. Such as, did you know that a caterpillar molts (did you know that word) five times in all. Molting is the shedding of the skin. So, the caterpillar goes through four molts where he/she sheds all of the skin. The end result is that the caterpillar goes through some minor changes - but he is still very much a caterpillar. It is not until the fifth molting that the caterpillar eats as much as it possibly can, and then its body builds the cocoon for the big and final transformation.

Another cool tid-bit (from SP), is that in the cocoon, the caterpillar decomposes its body into a soupy (my word) substance, and it is from there that the form of the butterfly evolves. So, what does that feel like?

It got me thinking. How many times have I felt like I have gone though major transformations - but still feel like the picture still looks the same (to me). How many times have I molted, and am I still preparing for my butterfly like transformation?

So, a few days ago I was doing a daily writing exercise where I get real quiet, try to silence my own ego and thinking, and then just start writing from the standpoint of INSPIRATION. It doesn't even matter what I write, just let it go and let it flow. The butterfly experience was over a month ago, so that wasn't in my thought, but some friends of mine were.

So, this is the result of my writing - and I thought I would share it with all of you!

"The caterpillar that emerges from his cocoon is not aware of the transformation that has taken place. When he went into the cocoon - did he really know what was on the other side? In fact, he had gone through four transformations before this one - and each time he would shed his skin and move on - but there wasn't much change in his physical appearance. So, when the caterpillar emerges from the cocoon this time - something is different. Something doesn't feel right. He doesn't feel himself - and he doesn't even look like he used to. The parts don't feel right. He doesn't feel like he is in his skin. He wants to go back to the way things were, to his old life, his old body, and his old comforts. But he can't.

As he breaks out of the shell, the shell that has held him tight and served as the manger for this transformation - he can see that he has been born anew. As he faces his fear and walks forward - he begins to see with new eyes. The fear is still there, but the limitations are smaller - in fact - he feels like his old ways don't serve him anymore. He feels like...like...he can fly - but how preposterous is that? Caterpillars don't fly, they don't soar - they creep. Yet, ever since breaking through this shell - he no longer feels like creeping. He has fewer feet keeping him on the ground - and as a whole he feels lighter and less tied down. He begins seeing himself with a beauty he has never noticed before - a beauty that must have been there the whole time - but he just wasn't prepared to see - until now.

Impelled to reach higher ground - he expands his self-concept of his potential and ability - and lets go of old beliefs and hindrances. As he lets go of the past - he cannot help but lift himself up and he feels the freedom of seeing the world from new heights. Before he knows it - he is actually flying - looking down at his past - appreciating it for all of the growth and exploration it provided on his journey - and letting it go with no regret or remorse. He is a new creature - a beautiful, limitless, gravity defying butterfly. The sky is his playground - the sun his companion. As he flutters and soars over treetops and valleys - places he has never seen before - he understands that his greatness was never in question. The unfolding was just part of the process - and that it was in Love's hands the whole time. He didn't need to contemplate or figure out the color of his wings, the length of time in gestation, or whether or not he would be able to break out of his cocoon. In essence, he realizes he never really had a choice in any of the process - except how he would choose to interpret and accept the events that took place.

Now, soaring higher than his thoughts would ever allow - he thinks to himself, 'Thine will be done.'"

Have a great week everyone! If you are ready for some coaching - be in touch!

Much love,

Travis
561.676.4583

Labels: brian regan, butterflies, direct life coaching, travis thomas

It has been a little over a month since I uprooted my family and moved them half way across the country to St. Louis. The last few weeks since beginning my assistant soccer coaching position has given me little time to unpack or spend time with my wife and kids, let alone find time to blog. Also hanging over me are two freelance projects I agreed to take on - so my time has been a little tight. I don't know what is waiting for me and my family at the end of these couple of months, so we will just have to wait and see.

It has been awesome diving back into the world of soccer. It was my first passion in life, but for the past 5-6 years I have had little connection to the game as either a player or coach. Step 1 was getting back in decent "soccer shape" with my fitness, and Step 2 was regaining my "owe so deft" soccer touch (okay, that might be a little exaggeration). Step 3 was reacquainting myself with the tactics and knowledge of the game, but it is cool to see how quickly it all comes back.

The season has started pretty decent thus far. It is a talented team who had a very successful season last year - so expectations are high. The toughest part for the team to grasp onto is the overall effort needed to really compete at a high level. It needs to be there from the opening kick - and if it is not - good teams can quickly become average. That has been our problem at times this season. This past week we played a very good game against a good team - and we are hoping it is a sign that we have turned a corner.

Soccer has been called "the beautiful game." For me, it is beautiful because it is such a fluid game with little interruptions or stoppages of play. It requires all of the players on the field working for each other and making sacrifices, and much like a domino effect, when one player moves on the field it opens up space and opportunity for another. For many reasons - this is one of the most mature aspects of the game that doesn't always come naturally. It has been a struggle for us to this point - but there have been signs it is getting better.

There is never really a time in a soccer game when you are standing and doing nothing. The game keeps moving. If you have ever watched a game on TV - there aren't even any commercial breaks because the game has no time-outs. Since it requires constant moving, it puts a lot of pressure on each player to keep running and creating space on the field. If a player wants to receive a pass from his teammate, he can't expect to stand there and wait for the ball to show up on his foot, he needs to "check hard" to the ball. "Checking to the ball" means making a 5+ yard sprint either to the man with the ball or to an open spot on the field where your teammate can pass you the ball. The sprint is crucial because it allows you to create distance between you and your defender so that you can receive the ball. By making this "hard check" you create space for yourself, as well as your teammates, because the space on the field that you just left is now open for a teammate to move into. This is how the game works. You leave a space, and now you have created space.

Unfortunately, the temptation for a player is to "check hard" to a ball, and if he/she doesn't get the ball, they stop and stand there and still call for the ball. In doing so, they no longer are an option to receive the ball and they have made it easier for the opponent to defend. Players might think, "I did my job and they didn't give me the ball. My work is done." But to play the game, it requires non-stop checking and moving.

When a player checks to the ball and doesn't receive it - the best thing they can do is keep moving to another part of the field and then wait for another opportunity to check to another ball. It is rigorous and constant. In fact, for every 4 or 5 times a player checks hard to a ball - he/she might only get the ball passed to them once. The idea is that if everyone is moving and everyone is checking hard to the ball - there will always be someone on the field who is open - and it makes it miserable on the opponent to defend.

So, what in the heck does this have to do with life?

Well, I figured that the longer I kept writing I would think of something ;)

Actually, there is a valuable lesson to be learned from "checking hard" to the ball. From my experience, you never know when that next great opportunity is going to come along. Now, life wouldn't be so humbling if we actually knew what opportunities were going to work out (and which ones are duds) - so we are forced to treat all of them with the same energy and effort.

"Checking hard to the ball" in life for me means bringing your best to whatever you are doing - because it is the right thing to do. By bringing your best effort you guarantee that you will be ready for the bigger opportunity when it shows up. On the flipside, if you "show up" from time to time, or whenever you feel the event is worthwhile, you not only lessen your chance of taking full advantage of every opportunity - you also will be less prepared when it comes along.

Bigger picture, I think we all can realize that our effort affects not only our own fortune, but everyone around us. As in soccer, by living selflessly and doing the right thing in everything you do, it creates great opportunities for those around you - whether you know them or not.

You never know when the ball is going to come your way - so all you can do is your best all the time in everything you do. If the ball comes - you will be ready. If the ball does not come, you just keep moving, and get ready for the next check. There is no time to stop, sulk, criticize, or argue - just keep on moving and get ready for the next opportunity.

Don't worry - it will come - just keep checking hard.

Have a great week!

Much love,

Travis
561.676.4583

Labels: direct life coaching, soccer, travis thomas

We are a world of choices. 200+ TV channels. 10 different kinds of Coca-Cola (Coke, Diet Coke, Coke Zero, Lemon Coke, Vanilla Coke, Lime Coke, Cherry Coke, Smoked Coke - well, not yet...but give it time!) And for your spaghetti sauce lovers - Ragu offers over 20 different kinds of sauces - seriously.

As the product of growing up in a family fast-food restaurant - I know all about choices. As a matter of fact - there were thousands of different hamburger combinations you could order based on the condiments offered - yet I still order it like I always have...ketchup, mustard, and pickle ;)

You might say we have CHOICE OVERLOAD!

How many times have you heard someone say, "I don't know - just order for me - I can't decide."

Decisions...decisions...decisions!

Recently I have been cherishing an idea that has come out of trying to intentionally live more on purpose. So, if purpose to me is living more from the core essence of who I am - and connecting deeper to my genuine and authentic self - it means that life's decisions should naturally flow out of my living on purpose. I like the word choice of "flow" because it represents a harmonic yielding to my natural expression of who I am.

In order to feel this flow, it requires that I get Travis (ego, self, opinions) out of the way as much as possible - and recognize that there is a Divine harmony always present - and my job is to align myself with this harmony - instead of trying to "figure it out."

Case in point - my wife and I are moving the family to St. Louis for a little undetermined adventure. We are renting out our home in Florida - and looking to find a home to rent in St. Louis. Our home here in Florida rented out in a manner of 10 days - Yahtzee! But, we were struggling to find a place that met our needs in St. Louis.

A few months ago I took on a new 100 day commitment to write vision statements about important parts of my life. So, for the past month or so I was writing a vision statement everyday about finding a home in St. Louis that perfectly met my family's needs. That meant the home would be comfortable, convenient, spacious, and affordable. So, I saw these qualities as being spiritual qualities - and I was willing to cherish these and surrender the rest to the Divine. I knew the house we found would meet this criteria.

But, with time ticking - none of our options were fitting this criteria. Instead, there were options that were requiring us to make "pros and cons" lists so that we could CHOOSE which place was a better fit.

You choose - you lose!

I wasn't feeling at peace with our options. We had to choose between two apartment complexes - but neither one was giving us the sense of abundance we had been cherishing. So, instead of trying to figure out which would be best - I decided to let it go for the night - and trust that the house or home we needed was out there - and that is what I was sticking to. I knew the law of the Divine was much greater than my limited perspective - so I needed to quit trying to force my will - and just align myself with the flow.

The reason I knew I needed to step back was because I was beginning to feel anxiety, stress, and worry. When I am on purpose - I feel none of these. So, "hello" - these feelings were an invitation to get back on purpose. On purpose, I will never have to "choose" - but rather let the harmony of the Divine unfold. When I let it unfold, the need to make a choice disappears - because the solution is crystal clear. Again, the solution is not coming "from me" - rather I am allowing the solution to flow through me. BIG DIFFERENCE.

So, the next day - my wife and I remembered that there was one more house on craigslist we had not looked at yet. I called to set up an appointment - and my sister (God bless her) agreed to drive over and look at the house for us (she lives in St. Louis and had been doing this for us all week). I had resigned that if this house wasn't a good fit - we would move forward with one of the apartments that seemed like a better option. My sister called me after looking at the house and said, "It's perfect - rent it!"

So we did.

I never had to make a choice. The choice was made for us. It was crystal clear. There was no weighing options, comparing lists, or "figuring it out" - the solution was so harmonious that the "human element" of making a choice was eliminated.

Choose you lose!

I don't want to say that "having a choice" is bad - but rather the idea of having to "make a choice" based on human limitations and reason will never bring us the peace we yearn for. The only way to do that is to connect deeper with our purpose (the Divine, etc.) - where the impossible is never impossible ;)

This is an ongoing learning and growing process for me. I see it as surrendering more and more my human ego in favor of seeing and listening for guidance that comes from a much deeper and powerful source. A source that surrounds each of us all the time - whether we are tuning in to it or not. I am committed to continue in fine tuning my antennae - so I will keep you posted!

If you need some more help wrapping your head around this - give me a call or drop me an e-mail.

Have a great week!

Travis
561.676.4583

Labels: coaching, Coca-cola, craigslist, direct life coaching, halo burger, Malcolm Gladwell, purpose, travis thomas

For awhile I have yearned to write a book that revolves around coaching - and if so, I think this would be the title:

All In: How a silly poker term transformed my life!


Now let me be clear. I have played poker maybe three times in my life - and let's just say I am not a card shark. For me, it was an accomplishment to know what cards beat what - and beyond that - I had no idea what I was doing. I know I am in the minority, considering the number of poker Web sites, weekly tournaments at sports bars, and television networks that have their own show - may favorite one being "The Poker Tour: Festa al Lago" on the Travel Channel.

Nothing says travel like poker!

All of that said, the one term and idea I do understand is when a player goes "All in!"

Essentially, going "All In" means a player is betting all of his chips on that one hand. If he wins, he wins big (usually) - but if he loses - his chips are gone - and he is done! At some point in most poker games - for a player to win he/she needs to go "all in."

High risk for high reward.

So as I was on my run today, I was praying and listening for inspiration and guidance. As many of you know, I am a life coach and an actor. I love both - but together - they don't make ends meet. That is just the reality right now. Doesn't mean it will always be the case, but right now it is. My wife and I have been grateful for over the past 3 years plus that we have been able to live and provide for our family, make radical life choices, without having what one would describe as a constant stream of income.

Contrary to popular belief, I am not a trust fund child ;)

So we are at a point in our life where things might seem to be a little "anxious." We are not panicking or getting desperate, but we have had to expand our openness to where we should be and what we should be doing. Those who know me know this is nothing new, but right now we are being more proactive.

Everyday I pray and listen for the right steps for our family. I pray to be led to do the right thing - and I try to get as much of my ego out of it as possible. This can be tough. On the surface, I have battled thoughts of frustration that things haven't always "taken off" like I would of hoped - or different opportunities didn't blossom better. Most of these lead back to the question of, "Am I doing the right thing?"

After much silence and prayer, the answer always comes back, "Yes, you are doing the right thing!"

All In!

So here I am on my run today, feeling a bit nervous and uncertain about the future, and this idea comes to me that "You need to be All In!"

"But haven't I?"

And as I listened to that question - the answer became, "No."

I haven't been "all in" - and I could clearly see how. For as much as I have claimed to be open to new opportunities and getting myself completely out of the way, I have been secretly creating parameters to what that must look like. I have been willing to be open, as long as it meant not having to get rid of "x." It also meant that my source of comfort and peace has been determined by things other than my true Source.

You are either all in - or you are not!

In poker, you don't say, "I am all in - except for these three chips I am going to keep under my palm - just in case it doesn't work out." It doesn't work that way. Yet, that is what I have been doing - and it was obvious!

A friend of mine sent me this quote from "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle, "Being one with life, is being one with Now. You then realize that you don't live your life, but life lives you. Life is the dancer, and you are the dance."

I am the dance - not the dancer! Bingo.

All this time I have seen myself as the dancer creating the dance - therefore making the decisions and outlining how the dance is going to look.

Not so. I am the dance. My opinion really doesn't matter - so my only job is to be the dance...the expression of the dancer!

Being "all in" means allowing the dancer (God, Love, the Universe, whatever you see as bigger than you) to call the shots - and all I need to do is follow - and dance!

So, for me, the big "aha" is seeing that I have still been holding on to things that have prevented me from actually being "all in." I haven't been "all in," but maybe 75%...or 90%...or 99.9% - none of which = "all in!"

In Science and Health, Eddy writes, "Willingness to become as a little child and to leave the old for the new, renders thought receptive of the advanced idea. Gladness to leave the false landmarks and joy to see them disappear,--this disposition helps to precipitate the ultimate harmony."

Isn't that what I am looking for - ultimate harmony? So all of these attachments I am not releasing are the "old" preventing me from being receptive to the "new."

Not anymore - All in!

The point hit home even stronger today as I was reading for the first time "The Prayer of Jabez" shared to me by another friend (I have good friends). The author, Bruce Wilkinson, breaks down the short and often overlooked prayer of Jabez from I Chronicles. Wilkinson writes, "No matter how many sermons we've heard about God's power to work through us, we simply gloss over the meaning of that one little word through. Sure, we say we want God to work through us, but what we really mean is by or in association with."

Guilty.

So here I sit today - All In! For me right now, it means that I am asking for bigger blessings and opportunity to live the biggest life I can live, but more than anything, it means getting rid of any human attachment to any person, place, or thing that will prevent me and my family from experiencing "ultimate harmony." No more parameters or obstacles getting in the way.

I have no idea what is going to take shape or how it will happen - but that is really the point, isn't it! As the dance, it is not mine to figure out.

Do I feel like this has made a major transition in my life?

You betcha!

Much love,

Travis
561.676.4583

PS - If you need help getting "all in" - then give me a call!

Labels: A New Earth, life coaching, mary baker eddy, poker, Science and Health, The Prayer of Jabez, travis thomas

"There are no insignificant moments!"

If anyone has seen the film or read the book "The Peaceful Warrior," that phrase is probably one you have spent some time thinking about.

Isn't it true?

I got the chance to put that idea into practice this past week on my way home from St. Louis. I had just spent an inspiring two days deepening my spiritual discovery which included viewing the clip from "The Peaceful Warrior" mentioned above.

When I got to my car in Ft. Lauderdale, parked on the top of the long term parking garage, in 91 degree heat - I discovered it was dead. I left the lights on - so the battery was toast! In that moment, for a few seconds - there was some frustration, anger, and a pinch of self-condemnation.

But, I also realized that I had the CHOICE of what I made of the situation. So, instead of staying in a mindset of "whoah is me," I decided to make the best of it.

It only took a few minutes to contact security and let them know I needed help. So, in those few minutes I had to wait for assistance - I decided to stop, listen, and see what was "significant" in this moment.

Meaning, now that I had moved on from the disappointment of being inconvenienced from "my schedule," might I be able to see and appreciate what was going on around me in that moment?

So I tried. There was the parking lot. Nothing too exciting about that. Though, there was a row of beautiful palm trees I hadn't noticed before - which was a stark contrast to all of the concrete. I saw a plane take off from the airport - and I thought about all of the people on the plane and the excitement of going on a journey. I heard birds, felt the heat, and noticed the huge line of taxi's waiting to pick people up.

Hmmm...maybe there was nothing significant after all.

Then, a security guard pulled up in a golf cart realizing he really couldn't help me - so he called the service truck. The man was an older gentleman, Jamaican descent, and had a wise and gentle presence to him. Instead of taking off he decided to stay and keep me company.

After a few minutes of small talk, umprompted, he shared this story with me (and picture the Jamaican accent):

"So there was a man in a village who was really down on his luck. He lost his family, lost his job, and really had no reason to live. He didn't even have any money for food. While walking around he noticed a tall tree. He decided he would end his life by jumping off the top of the tree. As he began climbing the tree he found an old chicken bone. He licked the bone but could find no extra meat or anything on the bone to feed him. So, he dropped it to the bottom of the tree. As he got to the top of the tree, many of the townspeople could now see him toward the top. They gathered at the bottom of the tree to see if he was going to jump. Right when he was about to jump and end his life, he noticed a man at the bottom of the tree picking up the chicken bone he had dropped. The man also tried to lick it clean, but he couldn't find anything either. In that moment, instead of jumping, the man yelled down to the man on the ground, 'Don't move - I'll be right there!' He then climbed back down the tree to help the man."

"So you see," my new Jamaican friend told me, "Even when you think you got it bad - there is always someone who has it worse. So be happy!"

By this time, the service guy had jumped my car with cables, and my car was back to normal. I thanked both men for their help, especially my new friend for staying with me and sharing the story.

As I thought back to the story in my car - I loved that it was the guy in the tree who not only noticed the man worse off than him - but in that instant he let go of his own self-pity to come down from the tree to help the man. I am not sure if that was the moral of the story - but that is what I got from it.

So, in my 15 unplanned extra minutes at the airport parking roof - what did I notice? Well, it reminded me that there are no insignificant moments - and if you stop beating yourself up long enough to notice what is happening around you - you might be able to help someone else in need.

Isn't that what my Jamaican friend did for me?

And for me - it was pretty significant!

Much love,

Travis

Labels: Peaceful Warrior, self-help, travis thomas

I am not a big fisherman. The last time I went fishing was one of the worst experiences of my life - although it really had nothing to do with the fishing (long story). Plus, have you seen the fishing shows where these guys reel in these monster fish - the kind you see mounted on the wall? Once they pull them into the boat though - they hold it up, name it, then let it go!

They just let it go! It's called "catch and release" fishing (right Jesse?).

Catch and Release.

Growing up and seeing these fishing shows on TV - I loved the "catch" part, but I didn't understand the "release" part.

Why would you let them go?

Recently, I have been thinking a lot about this idea of "letting go." I know in the past I have blogged about leaving the ego out (my friend LEO) - and as I was on my run the other day - this idea of "catch and release" struck me out of the blue.

The last few months I have made a conscious effort to be more aware of my ego. What this basically means is that I have tried to witness my feeling and thoughts - and catch the instances where I was attaching my self-worth (both positively and negatively) to egocentric things. This would include things I owned, things I have accomplished, comparing myself to others, and even creative ideas. Now, with creative ideas - this is the most subtle because you would think it is hard to be egocentric about an idea - but I probably struggle with that one more than the others.

Since I have started being more intentional about catching these thoughts - it has been interesting to see how often I really see my ego slipping into the driver seat. This can feel rather discouraging because I am noticing that I have lots of ego thoughts, but this is really where the most important aspect of the growth takes place.

Catch and Release.

It is easy to beat ourselves up for the negative thoughts we have. In fact, our ego loves nothing more than us filling ourselves with guilt and frustration once we start to take stock of our unproductive ego thoughts. Because, if we can make ourselves feel bad for thinking bad - then we might prevent ourselves from actually doing anything about it. Self-condemnation takes over - and we have thoughts such as "I am a failure" or "Making a change will be too difficult."

In this case, once again - ego wins!

The missing ingredient is the RELEASE!

The first step in improving is the catch. Catching those ego thoughts prevents them from taking hold. We begin to see them pop up more clearly - and we are able to see them for what they are - useless.

The second step - and probably the most important is the release - because unless we let it go - we never really detach it from our identity.

CATCH AND RELEASE

Just like the fisherman - our job is to make the catch - hold it up and recognize what we are looking at - but then we need to let it go!

Pay attention now...Throw it back! Just because you caught it - doesn't mean you need to keep it! You are not your ego thoughts. They may feel like you, but they are not you. Let them go - throw them back. The fisherman is never confused into believing he is the fish, or that he created the fish, or that the fish is a part of him. Just because he caught it - doesn't mean he owns it!

Catch and release!

500,000 people tuned into Oprah's first Webinar event with Eckhart Tolle last week - and who knows how many people have downloaded it from her site or iTunes? If you haven't had a chance to read his book, or watch one of these events - I highly recommend both. Tolle is calling for the need of "A New Earth," and I think we as individuals - and collectively - are prepared to make this next consciousness shift.

Now it's up to you! You are being called upon to play a bigger game - and we are all up for it!

If your ego is saying otherwise - just catch and release. When it comes to big fish stories - you can celebrate the ego as the "one that got away"...forever!

Have a good week - and if you need some help casting your line - give me a call!

Much love!

Travis
561.676.4583
travis@directlifecoach.com

Labels: A New Earth, Eckhart Tolle, Oprah, travis thomas

People love their opinions. I know I have them.

Better yet - almost better than having them - we love to share them with anyone who will listen (and those who don't as well).

"Well, I guess I'll put my two cents in!"

Now, I understand. Not only do we have opinions, the reason we often want to share them is because we think they will be helpful (so we think). "So, whether you asked for it or not - here is my opinion - and you might want to listen - because I know what I am talking about."

Isn't this the reason for talk radio...editorials...and better yet...

BLOGS!

Yikes!

Here's the thing we should not forget - when someone offers their "two cents," remember - IT'S ONLY TWO CENTS!

But we rarely value our own opinion as just two cents - often mistaking our thoughts as being worth much more than pennies. So, instead of sharing "Here is what I would do," we quickly jump into, "Here is what you SHOULD do!"

Recently someone gave me a quote that has stuck with me - and I try to keep it front of mind whenever I am about to share my 'two cents' - and the quote is -

"Don't 'should' on me!"

Honestly, who wants to be 'should' on?

Whenever you are in a conversation and someone starts telling you what you 'should' do - how does that make you feel? Were you even asking for a solution?

In all fairness - it is an easy rut to fall into. Why? Because we have grown up in a society that loves to fix.

You got a problem? I can fix it!!!! And here's what you 'should" do!

Whether it is your spouse, kids, friends - or sometimes the stranger off the street - if we here a problem - we quickly add a solution.

But, is this really what the person is ultimately looking for? Think back to a time when you unloaded some feelings on someone. What were you really looking to do? Have your feelings or problem fixed - or be heard and understood?

I am betting it was probably the latter. So, the question is - did you feel that way after your interaction?

Did you feel like this person really tried to understand how and what you were feeling - or did they go into fix mode and "should" on you?

This is a tricky, tricky thing - and not something I can get into too much in a single blog - but I wanted to put it out there as something to think about.

If you truly care about a person - and they are coming to you to share some things they are really thinking or struggling with - might they be looking for a solution from you - or perhaps are they just really seeking to be heard and understood?

The truth is - when we are dealing with something difficult - we often know in our heart what we need to do - but it doesn't mean it is the easy thing to do. We struggle with it, we even fight it, and often times we commiserate with others how difficult or unfair the situation is - but deep down inside - we know what the right thing to do is.

So, when we do open up to someone - we don't want to be 'should' upon - we want to feel heard, supported, understood, and loved!

Yes, the temptation for the other person is to "fix," but if we can just resist the urge - and seek to understand more clearly what the other person is feeling (regardless of our personal opinions) - you allow them to explore deeper and get clearer on what it is exactly they are feeling - and what they need to do. By doing this - we allow them to better understand themself.

Now, I am not going to say you 'should' try this next time the opportunity arises - but I dare you to!

Those are just my two cents - and they really are just two cents :)

Much love,

Travis

PS - Get coached this week - give me a call! 561.676.4583
travis@directlifecoach.com

Labels: direct life coaching, life coaching, listening, self-help, travis thomas

That's right - you heard me - I have a new BFF...a new Best Friend Forever.

His name is Leo.

You may have seen Leo and I hanging out at the mall drinking our Orange Julius, or cruising the strip at night - hanging out in the Taco Bell parking lot after hours.

Did you see us?

No...maybe not? Yeah, that's kind of weird.

Actually, my new best friend is imaginary.

Wait a minute - that's even more weird.

Okay, let me explain. I have been dealing with a lot of ego recently. And by a lot of ego, I mean my own. It has been showing up in lots of ways - in different areas - and I don't like it. It has effected the way I have thought about relationships - and at different times it has kept me in a funk.

For me, ego is my worst enemy. When I think of ego, I am basically meaning anything in my life that I have attached to my identity based on past experiences (including accomplishments or failures), possessions, and physical appearance.

You may be thinking to yourself - isn't that everything?

Without our possessions, past experiences, or physical identity...who are we?

Man I ask great questions ;)

Well, for different people the answer is going to be different. Based on spiritual or religious preference alone - that will greatly effect "who" you are without your ego.

For me, when my ego is out of the way - I am fully present as an expression of Love's qualities. Now, Love to me is my concept of God, but not in an anthropomorphic sense. No big guy in the sky - but rather a Divine Presence, the One intelligence - the one and only Truth.

So what am I?

I am the expression of this one Truth, this One Love. So, that has nothing to do with my appearance, body, ideas, car, bank account, trophies, accolades, or failures. It has nothing to do with how my parents treated me (good or bad), what school I went to, or what other people think about me. It doesn't even have anything to do with my emotions.

As an expression, I know that my only job is to "be." To be present in every moment. Not sweating over the past or fearing the future, but just knowing that who I am is changeless and constant as the expression of Perfection.

Mary Baker Eddy describes it better in Science and Health when she says, "Man is the expression of God's being. If there ever was a moment when man did not express the divine perfection, then there was a moment when man did not express God, and consequently a time when Deity was unexpressed--that is, without entity."

In this consciousness, "my" feelings can't be hurt by others, because my connection is straight to Love who gives me all the value I need. "My" work is not attached to me - but rather something I bring my expression to. Whether my ideas or value is recognized and celebrated does not change the fact that my true worth with Love is complete.

Anything that tries to tell us otherwise - is just ego.

In his new book "A New Earth," Eckhart Tolle breaks ego down and gives it a slap in the face, and he reminds us all not to be to intimidated by it. He writes:

The ego isn't wrong, it's just unconscious. When you observe the ego in yourself, you are beginning to go beyond it. Don't take ego too seriously. When you detect egoic behavior in yourself, smile. At times you may even laugh. How could humanity have been taken in by this for so long? Above all, know that the ego isn't personal. It isn't who you are. If you consider the ego to be your personal problem, that's just more ego.

BAM! That was a smack in the face I needed this week. That's why I got Leo as my new friend. So, let me introduce you to LEO - Leave Ego Out.

Whenever my feelings are getting hurt - I turn to Leo. He's always there. The good news is - he can be your friend too ;)

Have a great week!

Travis

PS - Love yourself this Valentine's Day. I am offering 3 one-hour coaching sessions for just $125. So, if you have been wanting to test the waters - this is the perfect time.

PSS - I have been unable to send out the newsletter e-mail to all of you who signed up for it. So, I should have that resolved soon.

Labels: A New Earth, christian science, Eckhart Tolle, ego, life coaching, mary baker eddy, Science and Health, travis thomas

Happy 2008 everyone!

I thought I would start off the new year talking about Michael J. Fox, De Lorean's, and Flex Capacitor's!

Well, maybe not.

Instead, take a moment to look back to where you were a year ago. January 2007 - what goals did you have for the coming year? Did you make any resolutions?

How did you do?

Also, what fears did you have? What were you nervous about? What happened?

Guess what! It's 2008 - you made it through the year. Seriously, you are here right now - you are alive - and whatever fear you had last year, last week, or five minutes ago - you are here right now - and you have what you need to be successful.

Oscar winning legend Anthony Hopkins appeared on "Inside the Actor's Studio" awhile back, and he had this to say. Now, I am not sure if this quote was his own creation, but nevertheless, I love it:

"Today is the tomorrow you feared yesterday."

So, what were those fears again? Hey, you made it!!!!

Okay, here we are - two days into 2008 - so where do you want to go?

2008 is the year of being BIG!!

(not physically - that's a different resolution)

You are big! We are ALL big! So, how big do you want to be in 2008?

Here is some help. Try this:

1) Write down three things in your personal life you want to accomplish by the end of the year.

2) Think about something you can do today to put you on the path of accomplishing those goals.

3) Do that one thing.

Even if the step is small - it is a step in the right direction. After you have taken a few steps in that direction - then you can let the momentum kick in - and the strides on that path will get wider and swifter.

Here is something else you can do. Think about one thing you can do on a daily basis that would improve the overall happiness and fulfillment in your life. One thing. What is it?

I am talking about something that can be done everyday, no matter where you are - and doesn't even necessarily take a lot of time. It might be push-ups and sit-ups, reading inspirational literature, prayer, time with your kids or spouse, or journaling.

One thing - one commitment to a better you.

It might sound like a small step - but it is one step in the right direction to a big game!

Are you up for it?

Are you a player - or a spectator?

If you are tired of watching from the sidelines - or you need a positive boost to help you along the path - just drop me a line.

Much love,

Travis
travis@directlifecoach.com
561.676.4583

Labels: goal setting, life coaching, resolutions, self-help, travis thomas

A friend of mine recently recommended a movie to me and followed it by saying, "I can see you blogging about it."

You were right QL - and here is the blog.

It has actually been a few weeks now since seeing the movie, and the blog has been sitting on my mental back-burner since then - and with the holidays upon us, I think the timing is perfect.

The movie is "Lars and the Real Girl," starring Ryan Gosling. It's a small movie with a quirky story - but the moral of the story is HUGE.

Lars seems to be a pretty normal young guy, but it becomes clear he is holding on to some pretty severe emotional baggage. This culminates with him purchasing a life-size and life-like female doll that he proceeds to talk to and treat as his real girlfriend. Needless to say, his remaining family and small town neighbors are a little confused, shocked, and afraid.

So what do they do?

On the advice of the town's family physician/therapist - they are encouraged to go along with Lars in treating his new "girlfriend" (Bianca) as a real person. As the therapist explains, it doesn't matter what the rest of us thinks, Bianca is real to Lars - so that is all that matters.

Easier said than done.

The movie balances the warmth, compassion, and humor that the townspeople rally and go to in order to support Lars in accepting Bianca as a member of the community. My favorite scene involves Lars coming home from work and wanting to spend some time with Bianca, but when he gets home one of his neighbors is dressing her to go out. Frustrated at her now busy schedule, Lars is told by a neighbor that Bianca has been voted on to the school's PTA Board.

Do you see what is going on here?

It's not about you!

The townspeople figured it out that it wasn't about them either. It was about Lars.

In the film, Lars' brother struggles the most with going along with the charade. At one point he ridicules him for believing that the doll is real - but Lars goes on like he never hears him.

It's not about you.

How often do we really express true empathy? I am talking 100% unconditional empathy. Supporting someone and their beliefs - whether you agree with them or not - and whether or not they sound or look "a little crazy."

We like to correct, combat, and fix!

That's what most of us do best. When we see someone doing or believing something "wrong," we try to correct them. If it doesn't match up with our beliefs - we try to convince them. Yes, our intentions are often good (most of the time) - but we have a hard time accepting people for where they are.

As a parent - this lesson gets thrown back in my face all of the time. Trying to "teach" my 5-year old daughter how to do something gets met with resistance and frustration on her part. She doesn't want to be "taught," but rather understood for where she is. I am starting to get that.

My wife recently shared a quote with me from a life learning magazine she was reading. I think this quote represents what true empathy is all about. The quote is from Naomi Aldort:

"How do you know what to expect at each age? My answer is: Observe. What the child is doing is the living evidence of what she should be doing. It is the same as for you. You are doing your best all the time and any external attempt to change you only gets in the way. Your child is rushing as fast as she can to becoming an adult. When someone runs as fast as they possibly can, a push will only cause him to fall."

Wow! How often have I found myself pushing - instead of supporting or encouraging? That is kind of humbling.

It's not about you!

Empathy is the ability to accept someone for who they are - and "stand beside" them - not get in front of them. With the holidays approaching - many of us will be traveling and spending lots of time with family. This can be a good thing - but it can also be a frustrating experience when we are thrust back into relationships that never seem to change. It is hard not to take on these relationships strategically and figure out how to "fix" them, or finally convince so and so that they just don't get it?

You can't. It's not about you!

What you can do is love them. Love them for who they are - and love them for what they are. Relax, and go into the relationship celebrating all the good they express - and try to let the other stuff go. It can sound easier than it is - but as soon as we accept them for all of their wonderful individuality (one way to spin it) - and stop feeling like we need something from them - we can just enjoy the time "being" with them.

Isn't that what it is all about?

I know I have a ways to go - but my kids give me daily opportunities to put empathy to use. Trying to convince a 3 or 5-year old that monsters don't exist is pointless - but having the patience and compassion to let them know that their fear is understood - I am confident they will figure out the rest.

There is a whole other blog bubbling up because of this topic - but I will save it for another time - maybe next year ;)

Happy Holidays everyone - and remember - if one of your family members gets a life-like doll for Christmas...

It's not about you :)

Much love,

Travis
561.676.4583

Labels: direct life coaching, empathy, Lars and the real girl, self-help, travis thomas

Thank you!
How could I not do a gratitude blog being that it is Thanksgiving? And if I didn't - could I really claim to be a grateful person?

Thank you!

A couple years ago I was inspired to write a personal letter to everyone in my family (siblings, parents, cousins, grandparents) telling them how much I appreciated them. This was a great experience! I recommend it to anyone and everyone - for many different reasons:

1) How good does it feel to know how much you mean to someone?

2) How often do you really stop and think how much someone means to you? If you are like me - it can be easy to take certain friendships and relationships for granted. Forcing yourself to sit down and think about another person reminds you of the impact they have in your life. The simple act of articulating those qualities to paper lets you see how many wonderful people actually surround you.

3) It just feels good - it feels right! Whether or not you hear from the actual people you write to doesn't matter - it just feels good to think lovingly about someone. When you allow yourself to appreciate those qualities in others - it brings out the best in you. You at your best feels good - doesn't it!!!

The fun part for me was knowing how unexpected these letters would be when they were received. Not to get too much into my past - but this was definitely out of character (or so it would seem) of something I would do. I hope it allowed so of my family to see me in a different light - and for the years since I hope I have continued to reinforce the genuineness of the feelings I conveyed.

Thank you!

Two simple words that hold immeasurable power!

It is no surprise for you who read my blog (thanks mom) to know that at times I struggle with self-doubt, fear, and uncertainty over some of the bold choices my wife and I have decided to take. But, on the other side of those feelings is the resolve of trust, faith, innocence, and purpose! But no one ever said living on purpose wasn't scary!

I have spoken before that it is impossible to feel gratitude and lack at the same time. There isn't room for both. If you think you can feel both - I would say that the gratitude isn't genuine gratitude. So, if you think, "I am grateful for everything I have, BUT..." - well...is that really gratitude? Gratitude is powerful because it is the recognition that what I have right now is enough!

Right now! Not 10 minutes from now - or 10 days - but right now. I have enough in this very moment - and I am taken care of right now. So, the goal for me is to always stay in that conscious moment of what I have right now as being enough - abundant - instead of worrying about what more I want and don't have. Gratitude cannot live in that place.

Just so you know - I catch myself all the time expressing fake gratitude filled with plenty of "BUT" statements - and I am always working with catching those moments when they happen. Let 'em go - and get back to what is.

Thank you!

So, as I approach Thanksgiving. I just want to say "Thank you!"

Thank you for reading this blog. I feel like I put myself "out there" each week - allowing myself to feel open and vulnerable - but it is very powerful to do. I am so grateful for the many inspiring responses I have received over the year - and the encouragement you all continue to give me.

Thank you to all of the coaching clients I have worked with this year. You all have given me the confidence and trust in my own abilities - and I have genuinely loved every minute of every session. Although I am the "coach," - it is I who continues to learn from you!

Thank you to Jesse and Frank for still teaming with me as we continue to put on one of the most entertaining shows you will see (humbly of course). I trust you two - and I feel trusted by you. You are great partners - and better friends!

Thank you to everyone in our small church group who continue to redefine the walls of "church" - and truly understand the openness of what church is all about. It was such a blessing that this was the group we connected with when we moved to Florida - and I love seeing how we continue to progress!

Thank you to my family...parents, siblings, cousins, grandma, and grandpa. You all are incredible for supporting my endeavors. Mom, Dad, Tiff, Tam, Tiger - much love! My grandfather passed away a few months ago - but I am grateful for how long I was able to know him. "Not bad for an old turd bird from the U.P."

Thank you to my three monsters - BEAUTIFUL...BEAUTIFUL...BEAUTIFUL monsters! I can't help but wake up each morning with my kids on my mind - and they are the last think I like to see before I go to bed. Man, am I learning from them every blessed day - (and then they offer a refresher course the next week). They are very thorough teachers. I LOVE 'EM!

Thank you to my smoking hot wife! (Come on - I had to have some fun somewhere). She is my biggest cheerleader - my partner in crime - and there is no way I could be doing the things that I am doing - and strive to be the person I want to be if she wasn't in my corner 100%. It's pretty remarkable really. It is the difference between having a happy marriage - and a purposeful marriage - and she has her act together. Thank you Light Shine!

And...just a few more quick thank you's:

* Thank you "back alley" neighbors!
* Thank you Quiet Lightening!
* Thank you HeHe, Papa, and Haydes!
* Thank you Harbur's!
* Thank you Morning Dove!
* Thank you cast of GC Comedy!
* Thank you Arise!
* Thank you babysitters! Really - thank you!

Just...Thank You!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Much love,

Travis

Labels: gratitude, life coaching, Thanksgiving, travis thomas

(Reminder: Leave your e-mail in the "subscribe" box to receive an e-mail every time there is a new blog.)

I apologize to anyone who had the wrong idea based on the title of the blog - there are just some things I probably shouldn't blog about ;)

You can't fake it!

Life. Happiness. What you really want to do.

You can't fake it.

Sure, we have all experienced times when we have talked ourselves into a situation - only to find...uhhh...well...it just didn't work out like we expected. Maybe it was a job that would look good on your resume - or the money could not be turned down. Maybe it was a relationship that looked so good on paper - it only made sense. Regardless of the rational and practical reasons we may have used to talk our way into the decision - did it ultimately bring you the peace you were looking for?

I didn't think so!

Why not? Because...

You can't fake it!

Your feelings. Your emotions. Your true sense of value, happiness, and fulfillment cannot be faked. Sure, you can try to ignore them, suppress them, and even pretend you don't have them - but they are there - THEY ARE ALWAYS THERE!

Here's the thing - you are a person - not machine. No matter what you try to do, and regardless of the advice you are given in your life - it won't mean a thing unless the choices you make are fulfilling your deepest desires.

When your head hits that pillow at night - are you at peace with the choices you are making?

That is my barometer - because that is when the noise is quiet. No one is telling you what you should be doing. No distractions. Just you and your thoughts. Are you at peace?

You can't fake it!

If not, don't sweat it - it just means it is time to listen to those feelings and actually do something about it. Sometimes that means drastic steps, while other times it means making some small tweaks and adjustments that gets you feeling better about where you are going.

In his book "Happier" that I am reading and loving right now, Tal Ben-Shahar has this to say, "Had we found ourselves in a job that did not afford us our material needs, we would do everything in our power to change the predicament. So why do we set lower standards for ourselves when the ultimate currency -- when our own happiness -- is at stake? What we need if we are to implement change in our lives is courage. And courage is not about not having fear but about having fear and going ahead anyway."

Whew - can I relate to that! Courage. Jump - at the net will appear!

I have on a few occasions found myself in work and relationship situations when I have miserably failed the pillow test. No matter how long I tried to "stick it out" - the only true happiness was when I actually got out. The pain of not following my heart was much greater than the pain in sacrifice of doing what "seemed best."

I can't fake it!

And neither can you.

You need you at your best. Your friends and family need you at your best! The world needs you at your best!

Stop faking it!

Much love,

Travis - Direct Life Coaching
Life. Courage. Action!

Labels: direct life coaching, Happier, life coaching, Tal Ben-Shahar, travis thomas

(This is part of the "Road Less Traveled" series)

In some of my past blogs I have mentioned a friend of mine who is doing some amazing work with her company WorldBlu. Well, this series is the perfect opportunity to profile Traci Fenton up close and let her tell you in her own words what exactly WorldBlu is, how it came to be, and how it may very well change the way the world works.

Travis: So Traci, give me your elevator description of how you describe WorldBlu.

Traci: Sure! WorldBlu exists to elevate the human sprit by inspiring the supporting the design and development of democratic workplaces around the world. I first founded WorldBlu in 1997 as a non-profit think-tank and then launched it in its current form in the fall of 2003 as a for-profit company.

Travis: But why? Why did you decide to start WorldBlu?

Traci: Founding WorldBlu was never a decision for me, it just something I HAD to do. Although it may sound odd to say, there was no choice involved. I just felt it was my calling, part of what I was made to do in this life. There was an inescapable pull to start it and give all my heart and soul and sometimes blood, sweat and tears to it. I knew that if I didn't it wouldn't let me go until I did. And even though technically I'm the founder of WorldBlu, I feel like each day I strive to be good enough to get to work there.

Travis: You say it was a "calling." Can you elaborate on that? Would you also say this work is part of your life purpose?

Traci: Absolutely this is my calling and my purpose! My purpose in life is to help move people from a mind-set of fear into a mind-set and life of freedom. I strive to do that in many ways, but professionally I get to do it as WorldBlu. How do I know it's my calling? Because it's in my DNA! It's the same thing that sometimes breaks your heart and makes you feel like you can fly! It's the thing that deepens you and brings together all the things you love. The paradox of living your purpose is that it's the most selfish and unselfish thing you could ever do. And when you're doing it you just know and nothing can shake you from it.

Travis: You mentioned that you help people move "from a mind-set of fear." How have you overcome your own fears?

Traci: The first fear is always self-doubt and internal resistance. Who am I to do this? Who will listen to me? Why should they listen to me, etc.? People tell you to push those questions aside but I think you have to take them one by one and answer them for yourself.

Asking myself, "Why would anyone listen to me?" has pushed me to become an expert in my field. I wanted to be in the know so that others would listen to me! So you learn to manage and eventually transcend your own self-doubt but then you also hit the logistical obstacles which usually revolve around lack...lack of money, time, resources, people, and clients, etc. But I've come to learn that lack is just a way of seeing. I'm still learning this lesson each day, but as I focus on wholeness, I see that more and more played out in my day and at WorldBlu in unexpected ways.

Travis: What are some of the other obstacles you have had to handle?

Traci: I think another set of obstacles that you then find is what others think about you or your company and their criticism in its myriad forms that come along. This year one of our major projects got a lot of press coverage, reaching about 30 million people, far beyond what we ever anticipated. With that also comes criticism and so I'm learning how to deal with that. But again, moving from fear to freedom and keeping with my purpose is often about looking fear straight-on, not ignoring it, not running from it. I have to really work at it sometimes, but ultimately if I'm dealing with a form of fear, I try to get to a point where I can say to the challenge, "Thank you because you are teaching me how to love unconditionally, how to be a smarter business woman, how to be more discerning, etc." Sometimes you just have to love the hell out of things!

Travis: To take on a cause of this magnitude - I can't imagine the spiritual resolve you need to get through each day. So, where do you turn for that support and inspiration?

Traci: There are many resources and people I turn to each day to keep me on track. You cannot do it alone and I'm so grateful for all the mentors and friends I have who unselfishly help me stay on purpose.

As a Christian Scientist, I begin each day by getting centered in what I've learned about God expressing His life as me and listening for direction for God. That always comes first. I read Science and Health by Mary Baker Eddy and the Bible each day. I am also blessed to have a cadre of fantastic spiritual and business mentors who coach me and keep me in the zone and who are also willing to kick my bum if I'm not! You've got to surround yourself with people who hold you accountable to your purpose.

People who are going BIG in life also inspire me, -- whether it is an innovative new idea that someone comes up with to help change the world for the better, an athlete overcoming the odds or a musician who is moving the masses through expressing soul, people who live a no-holds-barred life give me energy and feel like my soul brothers and sisters. They inspire me. I also love the book, "The War of Art" by Steve Pressfield. It's another life guidebook for me. I highly recommend it. I also do something called "commitments" each day. This is a tool that one of my spiritual mentors, Sandy Wilder, taught me, and it's a collection of things I do each day to keep me mentally sharp, awake to the world, and spiritually-grounded. I also run a lot, and this gives me time to think. I always say I'm a better person after I get back from a run! Lastly, I have learned to ultimately trust my intuition over other's opinions to help me stay the course. It's a beautiful thing when you finally get to the point where you've learned to trust yourself.

Travis: With all the people you meet and place you go - it must be hard to stay focused. How do you keep your purpose and priorities in the right place?

Traci: When my Dad - who was one of my best friends and biggest supporters -- passed on when I was in my mid-twenties, I learned a fast lesson about what really matters in this life. I got perspective and I saw that when we pass away we leave everything else behind. Who cares about the car, the house, the material stuff! It doesn't really matter in the end and it certainly doesn't define who you are.

Ultimately everything we do is just a vehicle that the universe gives us to help us let go of a material concept of life and see more of our innate spirituality. WorldBlu is one of my main vehicles for this kind of deep learning, just as I think becoming a parent or a life-partner with someone can be. They're all just vehicles. WorldBlu could disappear at the moment's notice, but the lessons I've learned, the experiences, the alchemy of it all cannot be taken from me no matter what. This perspective of simultaneous permanence and impermanence is what helps me keep grounded and not take it for granted and it keeps me in a state of awe. This is a moment-by-moment journey for me and I truly and deeply love it.

Travis: I know you are off to London - so thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts and feelings on what is truly a world changing cause and company.

Have a great day everyone!

Travis

PS - To find out more about Traci and WorldBlu - visit the Website at www.WorldBlu.com

Labels: direct life coaching, road less traveled, Traci Fenton, travis thomas, WorldBlu

Huey Lewis anyone?

Come on..."Sports" was a huge hit - and may I add - the first ever music cassette that I ever purchased! That thing was loaded with hits.

We have been doing 80's themed improv shows for the past two weeks - so I digress.

But, there is a correlation.

A few years ago I read a book called "Quarter-life Crisis." When I have told people about the title of the book they kind of laugh. They think, "How is it possible to have a crisis in your 20's...those are the glory years...right?"

You tell me.

Well, that is what I was told growing up, and I assume you were told the same thing. The 20's are supposed to be the best time of your life...

Just as long as you...

* Get great grades in high school
* Build an impressive resume to get into the college of your choice
* Work hard in college and choose a major that will make you successful
* Graduate and go to graduate school - OR - get a job at Company "X" and get on the ladder to success
* Joy, Passion, Love...not now...they will come once you have the career taken care of!

Right? Sounds pretty normal. That is the main gist I heard growing up (not from my parents mind you) - so it only makes sense that if you follow that criteria - happiness is the result.

Yeah - you know better than that.

In "Quarter-life Crisis" it details how much of a problem this really is. Twenty year-olds are working this recipe just as instructed. They're getting into good schools, getting great jobs, and making a great salary...

Then...a few years into it - they are struck with the alarming realization...

"Is this it?"

They did it. Everything they were supposed to. And now they have it - but what do they have?

Now, you don't need to just be in your 20's, or mid-life, to feel this crisis. In fact, from my experience - this feeling of crisis crosses all age, culture, and gender.

The problem for the twenty year-olds is this - they think they are alone. Why wouldn't they? If they are supposed to be having the time of their life (Dirty Dancing reference) - and they are not - well something must be wrong with them. That's not good.

You are not alone!

Put your hand up if you can relate to the feeling of discontent. (Okay, put your hand down now...that's awkward)

Here's a hint...if someone has told you "this is the track to success" - jump off as quick as you can!

I am not saying that we shouldn't seek out mentors or learn from others - that is not what I am saying. Learning from those that went before us - or seeking out advice from others is fine - as long as the answers and actions you take away work for you!

That is the key - how do the ideas work for you?

You are unique - there has never been another you - and so your track to success needs to be YOUR OWN TRACK TO SUCCESS.

You are making the tracks - not jumping on someone else's.

If the above recipe for success works for you - GREAT!!! That is your track then - but it doesn't need to be anyone else's.

So, take out a pen and chart your own course!
Grab a knife and carve your own mold!
Sit down on your computer and re-type the rules - your rules!

Bottom line - if the track or course you are on is not bringing you consistent joy, peace, and fulfillment - it's time to look at that track more closely and ask yourself - "Is this really my path - or someone else's?"

Do it now!

And if you need help - call me!

Much love,

Travis
travislthomas@mac.com
561.676.4583

LIFE. COURAGE. ACTION!

Labels: direct life coaching, Huey Lewis, quarter-life crisis, travis thomas

The following blog is part of the "Road Less Traveled" series.

The first thing you notice about William is his energy. It's intense, but authentic. I kept feeling that I needed to say more to match his enthusiasm, but he didn't need to make me a believer, I was already sold.

I never watch the local news, and even less read the local paper. So, the odds of me actually thumbing through the neighborhood paper was slim - but I was bored - so I thought I would see what was going on in my backyard. I'm glad I did.

Now, before I get into this too much, you need to know that my wife and I are trying to get "greener" everyday. We bought more efficient light bulbs, we bring our own bags to the grocery store, and we are good about recycling. But, we are a long way off from winning any Green Peace awards. You can't really call me a tree hugger - but I will shake their hands ;)

Anyway, what I was struck at most about the article was William's simplicity. Here was a guy who wanted to make a difference, so he found a simple way to make it happen. For anyone who has kids as has seen the animated film "Robots," William put this principle into practice...

"See a need - fill a need!"

So, let's get to find out more of who and what I am talking about.

William Djubin has lived in 16 locations in Florida, and he definitely enjoys the water.

"I accepted a job in North Carolina for 8 months, but could not be away from the Ocean any longer. During the last 8 years I have only lived in coastal or waterfront property and vowed not to leave her (ocean) side again. I have personally witnessed mass fish kills, pollution dumping, and beach erosion. I feel that a part of me has been asked to protect her (ocean) and as well I feel indebted to her for all she has done for me."

After the hurricane destruction in recent years to the beaches and oceans, William discovered that not all of the environmental needs were being met. So, he needed to come up with an idea.

"I began brainstorming for an invention, inexpensive, tangible, interactive, one that could link everyone (foundations, consumers, public) to the same goal, relieving the pain environmental foundations have. I needed to create a live-strong bracelet for the environment, but one that would be much more visible, a license-plate! One day while driving I day-dreamed about bright green license plates on 50% of traffic, and what that would tell the Leaders of the World. When our communities/citizens display their concern for environmental health, all the tiny voices will be heard."

A green license plate. No text, no graphics, no clever slogan. Just green - just plastic. In fact, 100% recycled plastic. Nothing added - completely recycled. Simple, yet powerful. William's company is called "EarthRehab," and the green license plate program is its main focus.

It's simple, you go to his Website (go here now) - you purchase a green license plate for the front of your car - and then you choose from a list of environmental companies to decide where you want your contribution to go. $10...ten bucks...that's it. I was so impressed I bought two the day I read the story.

"EarthRehab sort of hired me, the Ocean sort of hired me, and the trust the Environmental Foundations instilled in the project hired me. The early on victories of the mission propelled me to keep pushing forward. When you get the rights to the name EarthRehab, when you have a manufacturer that suggests 100% recycled milk jugs for the product, when the most respected Foundations want to get involved with your vision, it doesn't seem fabricated. It helps you believe that this is your life purpose. You see, a green license plate will never be as important as people discovering the Foundations through our links page. Bridging the gap between those who need help, and those who wish to give is the most important thing."

I asked William what the spiritual/inspirational connection of his work was, and I loved his response.

"The Ocean is my Church, my place for understanding, my resource for sanctity and she empowers me to always grow and enlighten others threw knowledge and caring. I rely on nature and the environment for peace of mind and relaxation, I cannot envision not being able to spend a day at the beach."

William is just another example of what can be accomplished when we follow our heart. The green license plate project has really just started, but I am excited to see how far and how big this idea will rise.

So, for $10 - you can make a serious environmental statement - even if you're a "tree handshaker" like me. But, don't listen to me, take it from the guy with all the energy.

"I feel like a Santa Claus for the environment, I provide proceeds to the foundations and a 'vehicle of concern' expression for the consumer. At $10 a license plate we may be the least expensive plate with the most rewards for the consumer."

Thanks Santa - and to all of you - buy your plate or you'll get a lump of coal in your stocking. Wow, you could really take this Santa analogy a long way ;)

Much love!

Travis

Labels: direct life coaching, EarthRehab, environment, green license plates, road less traveled, travis thomas

Anyone who has a child, or has had to ride in the car with a child 3 years of age or older, knows that it takes less than 10 minutes into the trip before the child will ask,

"Are we there yet?"

I have never traveled with kids from another culture, but I am pretty sure no matter what language they speak - they know how to say, "Are we there yet?"

As a parent myself, this has been very frustrating.

"Why can't you just be patient?"

What is it about kids that need to know what is next? What are we going to do now? What are we doing in the morning?

And, can they not trust their mom and I have their best interests in mind - and that we will actually take care of their needs?

"Daaaaaaaad...are we there yet?"

And even more, what is the actual age when they quit asking?

Well, a little thought dawned on me the other day. I was running around or doing some errands...and here are some of the thoughts that were bouncing around in my head...

* When will I feel secure about my career?
* Where is my next client going to come from?
* How much money do I need to make to feel comfortable?

Then it hit me! Here I am, chastising my own kids and telling them to trust me, yet these are the same questions in my head.

"Are we there yet?"

That is essentially what my fears are asking me?

The idea here is that there is a future destination that makes our fears go away - and once we get there (or achieve a goal), the fear disappears.

Has this ever been the case for you? Does the fear go away?

I doubt it.

Chances are, by the time we get to the destination we are seeking - we have long since projected out our comfort zone to a more distant destination.

When it comes to deferred happiness, or letting our fears dictate our benchmarks - it is a sliding scale.

And guess what, we will never catch up to it.

Instead, maybe we should take our own advice to our kids - and trust that our future, finances, and happiness are actually being taken care of. If we can accept that as truth - than we can also accept that our personal sense of peace and happiness is attainable right now - right here.

Happiness is a choice - not a destination.

You better start practicing your happiness now - or else you won't know what it looks like when you finally reach that goal.

So, how do you practice happiness?

For me, it starts with gratitude. Acknowledging the good already in my life - and letting my actions express this gratitude. If I am truly living gratitude - it means I am showing up happy, compassionate, forgiving, energetic, peaceful, harmonious, etc. And if that is how I am showing up - ta da - it probably means that I am happy.

Mary Baker Eddy in Science and Health captures it a little better when she writes, "In order to apprehend more, we must put into practice what we already know."

Makes sense. If I want to be happy - I need to put happiness into practice and action.

Now, I can easily recognize that the times that I am not feeling this joy - it is because I am being controlled by my fears resulting in asking questions of, "Are we there yet?"

As I have said in my other blogs - this is all pretty simple stuff - just not always easy!

So, the next time you feel yourself asking the question, "Are we there yet?" - remind yourself that the "there" is already "here."

Now live it!

Much love,

Travis

Labels: christian science, inspiration, life coaching, mary baker eddy, self-help, travis thomas

"The ref blew the call!"

"Politicians lied!"

"My parents never helped out."

"That guy totally cut me off."

Odds are, if you have ever uttered one of those phrases - or any other type of "justification," it is because you are explaining why things didn't work out.

We LOVE justification for our failures - and I am just as guilty as anyone. A few weeks ago I talked about how your ego is a dream killer. Well, your ego loves justification - they are best friends.

Ego & Justification = BFF (Okay, only the teens got that one - OMG)

Here's the thing about justification, and why it is so dangerous - it's because you might actually be RIGHT! We really may have gotten rooked on that bad call. Our parents really may have held us back (not you mom and dad), politicians have been known to lie, and that guy really is a clueless driver.

See - you have every reason to be upset - and you will probably find others to support you and throw fuel on the fire.

But, when it is all said and done...

WHO CARES?

Are you really looking to have a reason for NOT being happy or successful - or would you rather dust yourself off and get back at it? Because, if you need an excuse - you will always find something. It is a lot harder to keep taking punches and continue to keep coming back.

WHAT ARE YOUR OPTIONS?

You either live an unfulfilled life surrounded by the justification of why you couldn't do or be the person you wanted to be. Or, you keep plugging away, you keep scrapping and adapting - not taking failure or unfairness as a cop-out - but just another hurdle to get around.

Don't tell me why it didn't work out. Tell me what you learned from it and are now doing better!

I can run down a list of ego driven justifications of why I haven't achieved certain goals - but none of them make me feel good when I go to sleep at night. As Jack Canfield of the Chicken Soul for the Soul series explains it, "They all amount to a bunch of 'So what!"

So what are you doing about the obstacles preventing you from being and doing the things you want to do?

In my favorite "spiritual slap in the face book," Science and Health, Mary Baker Eddy says it this way, "The devotion of thought to an honest achievement makes the achievement possible. Exceptions only confirm this rule, proving that failure is occasioned by a too feeble faith."

"Too feeble faith." Ouch. Not me.

If you have been wronged, I really am sorry - but now what? Or, like Jack Canfield would say, "So what?" Join the club!

If justification is your worst friend - then let's hope we can all work on seeing that we are NEVER justified for giving in on our purpose and passions.

If you are needing your own "spiritual slap in the face" - give me a call :)

Much love!

Travis

Labels: Chicken Soup for the Soul, christian science, direct life coaching, Jack Canfield, mary baker eddy, Science and Health, travis thomas

I am needing to sit down right now and write this blog - just write it!

There is a lot going on...new baby soon...two new shows next week...life coaching meetings...rehearsals...running the kids to classes...fighting crime (okay...one of the things I listed isn't true). Guess which one?

Writing this blog is very important to me - a priority - but I let other (less important) things creep in and steal my focus. Not to say these other things weren't important - but to put them on my scale of importance - they don't bring me the satisfaction of writing the blog.

So the question is...how important are they? And, why are they taking me away from what really makes me feel good?

I, like many of us, get preoccupied with "important and urgent" tasks - that only in the long run prevent us from doing what we really want to be doing. These are the things we commonly call "fires that pop up" - so we put them out. In fact, we might be really good in putting these fires out - but at the end of the day - what kind of progress did we make?

Unless you are a firefighter - just putting out fires isn't enough.

If you are not a firefighter - the question you should be asking yourself is..."How hot is this fire? Do I need to be the one to put it out? What happens if it doesn't get put out right this very moment?"

Sure, they're are plenty of fires that need immediate attention - but there are many more "to do's" that we have deemed "fires" that really don't require our immediate focus - and dare I say - might not even need us.

Your job is to figure out what really is a fire - and what is not. Your next job is to figure out why these fires happen - and solve them from happening again - or delegate them to someone who is a better and more appropriate firefighter.

Okay, enough of the firefighter analogy.

Here are some potential addictive distractions we give way too much attention to:
* answering every blessed phone call (Curse our new cell phone obsession)
* being a slave to e-mail (trust me - if it's an e-mail - it can probably wait. If there really is a fire - they'll call - and when you don't answer - they will leave a message)
* the news (might there be a better and more informed way to get what you really need that doesn't involve a 24 hour news network or the 6:00 local news? Answer: Yes, there is!)

These are just three to start - and there are many, many more!

Cut these out - and what might you do with your extra time?

Maybe...read something inspiring OR sit with your own thoughts for 10 minutes OR work on your favorite hobby or activity OR have a stimulating conversation with someone OR notice what a beautiful environment you live in.

How about a little spiritual reflection or personal growth time? Prayer? Meditation? Might getting your thoughts in a better place improve all the different aspects of your life?

I bet you can think of a few more. I need to thank Timothy Ferriss and his book "4-Hour Workweek" for enlightening me to these distractions - and I recommend reading his book for an even clearer explanation of the value of mastering these "fires."

Bottom line: When there is something you really want to do (a better option) - you find a way to get it done! If your boss tells you that you can call it a day when your work is done - I guarantee that you will get the so-called 3 hours of work you need done in about an hour. All you needed was the better alternative - and you made it work.

So, what would you rather be doing instead of putting out fires? Answer that question honestly - and you hold the key to the fulfillment and satisfaction you are craving.

How hungry are you?

Much love!

Travis

PS - I am glad I took the time to write this - it felt a lot better than doing some organizing (which will still get done on its own time).

Labels: 4 hour workweek, direct life coaching, timoth ferriss, travis thomas

Wouldn't it be great if we were all on the same page?

I am not a singer, but wouldn't it be great if we were all singing the same song - or telling the same story?

Maybe it's your spouse, boss, kids, or our world leaders - it would just be great if we were all governed by the same set of laws and motives.

You look at the world conflicts taking place, and not only are we not literally talking the same language - it seems we have strikingly different views of right and wrong - good and bad.

You look and what is happening in your own backyard - and you think - did he really just say that?

I think to myself - we all inhabit the same earth, we breathe the same air, and we all seem to want health and happiness - why can't we all sing the same song?

As a spiritual practice, I pray daily for this idea that all of us are indeed governed by one set of laws and motives - to me I think of it as one Mind. To me, my spiritual practice thinks of this one Mind as God - but you might translate that to Being, or just a power bigger than yourself.

So, I pray each day to try to see the good in everyone and everything - to (try) getting past my opinions and judgments of others (friends, family, strangers, politics, etc.) and instead see that the same Mind that I connect to for inspiration, creativity, and ideas is the same Mind that everyone else has access to as well.

Not always easy to do ;)

This past weekend my wife and I attended a yearly spiritual association that she and I belong to. It's a great opportunity to spend the day getting a spiritual boost and rejuvenation. Our speaker this year was a fabulous woman who has been a military chaplain for the past 30 years - and she broke down a word in a way that I have never viewed it before.

Back to my prayers - each day I pray to see that everyone and everything in this universe is governed by the same rules and laws.

Wouldn't it be great if there was a way to show people that we really all are on the same page - instead of separate disconnected strangers?

What would that one word be? Well, as our speaker revealed to us - the word already exists...

Universe!

Uni = One
Verse = song/prose, etc.

Smack! Can't believe the word "universe" has been sitting there the whole time - yet the simple and powerful significance of the word never smacked me in the face - until now!

Everyday in my prayers I have included the universe - never acknowledging that the universe had already included me.

We are not separate and disconnected. We are all on the same page, singing the same song, telling the same story.

Sure, my voice is awful, but it fits in there somewhere. Yes, other people may have horrendous punctuation and grammar - but they are still telling the same story. Regardless of our differences and hang-ups - the bottom line is that we are all in the same universe - and hidden within the complex symphonic schemes is a thread of harmony that connect us all.

(Wow, can you believe I just wrote "symphonic schemes"...isn't that even grammatically correct?)

How would your day be different if you approached it from the standpoint that you and your coworkers are inherently on the same page? Or, that you and your spouse are singing the same song - and even (big gulp here) that you feel our world leaders are on the same page - WITH GOOD INTENTIONS!

It might seem too big to ponder - so let's start small. Let's take this concept into our daily interactions. Let's expect more harmonious relationships in our day to day lives - and instead of looking for differences - let's embrace the diversity all of our "song singers" bring to the chorus.

Mary Baker Eddy writes in Science and Health, "The universe is filled with spiritual ideas, which He [Mind] evolves, and they are obedient to the Mind that makes them." (I added the word in brackets)

That my friend is harmony - not chaos. Cooperation - not conflict. Brotherhood - not strangers.

This might be a big pill to swallow - so if you need a cup of water to wash it down - give me a call ;)

Much love,

Travis

Labels: christian science, direct life coaching, mary baker eddy, spirituality, travis thomas

My wife and I recently flew back from a trip in Michigan with our two young children. Our daughter is five-years old, and our son is a wiggly two-years old. Anyone who has traveled with their own young kids can relate to the not-always relaxing feeling this experience brings.

Well, despite having two wonderful flying children, our youngest son decided to make this flight interesting. He threw things, he screamed, he kicked the seat in front of him, he rolled on the ground, he cried, he taunted his mom, he taunted me - it was one of those flights where I felt other passengers thinking, "Those poor parents!" Or, "Those awful parents!"

At the end of the flight, when we could finally stand (and find some sanity), two young girls (probably 8 & 9) sitting behind my wife and son shared this nugget of helpful feedback, "Boy, your son was really annoying...but at least he is cute."

Kids, they say the darndest things!

My wife and I both bit our tongues, and as unappreciative we were of their comments - they were kind of on to something...

Mainly "...at least he is cute!"

Here were two girls with perspective! Sure, they endured his shenanigans for over 2 hours - and in the end - they found some silver lining to walk away with (thank God he is cute).

Once in our car, we still had a 3 hour drive home (need a new travel agent) - and I had time to reflect on the flight. By all means, it would of been very easy for my wife and I to bemoan what an awful trip we just experienced - but we really didn't. In fact, looking back I was able to express gratitude for the fact that the flight was on time, our seats were together, we got all of our luggage, and that it was over ;)

Seriously though, I was grateful that despite my son's behavior being a nightmare - it was over! Whatever bee got in his bonnet was gone. There was no need for me to keep seeing him that way and reliving the experience - so I freed him from that experience by forgiving him. If he was able to get his normal self back - there was no reason for me to attach any unnecessary negativity. That was baggage neither of us needed.

if you think about this example in a bigger picture - there is a lot of freedom we can give ourselves and others by letting whatever happened go. And not just forgiving, but actually being able to look back at negative experiences and express gratitude for the good that was present as well.

We tend to remember experiences in black and white terms. Something was either good - or bad. But often, there are usually elements of both - but what we choose to remember and focus on becomes the memory we create for ourself.

I challenge all of you - to this week try to find the good in any experience that leaves a negative taste in your mouth. Maybe it's the poor service you get at the store, or a rude co-worker, or an impatient spouse (my wife can relate) - and try to then think back, let go of the negative, and then acknowledge something from the same experience to be grateful for.

If you notice anything interesting - let me know!

Hey - at the very least - if someone ticks you off - they might be cute ;)

Much love!

Travis

Labels: direct life coaching, forgiveness, gratitude, life coaching, personal growth, positive thinking, travis thomas

Have you ever played in the waves in the ocean?

You know, it gets a little rough - you're not paying attention, and before you know it you've been blind-sided by a wave - and now you can't tell which way is up. Now, you're sucking in sand and salt water - but the bottom line is...

YOU NEED OXYGEN!!!

We've all been there! Just when you think you can't make it another moment - you break the surface - take in a giant gasp of air - and your world comes rushing back into balance.

SAVED! Whew - that was a close one.

Recently I've been trying to think about my life in these same terms. Mainly, from what in life do I receive my oxygen for living?

For me, my list is pretty short and sweet - it includes:

* My wife and kids
* My family and friends
* A creative outlet (most often improvisation)
* My spiritual journey
* Helping humanity (what is my legacy?)

These are my oxygen! (Or is it, "This is my oxygen?" You get the point!)

When I have gone through stretches of discontent, unfulfillment, or straight out boredom - I can look back and notice that I wasn't getting my oxygen.

And what does that feel like?

Well, it feels like being tossed under a wave sucking in sand and salt water. It's uneasy, uncomfortable, scary, and often helpless.

Well, I guess it should be!

We're talking about our oxygen here - yet how many of us allow ourselves to get so distracted with tasks and activities that ultimately only serve to keep us from our oxygen?

I know I sometimes do.

Could that e-mail wait - or might it feel better to spend some quality time playing with your kid? Which is your oxygen?

Do you really need to clean out that closet right now - or might you spend some time on that next chapter of your book? Which is your oxygen?

Is your favorite TV show really that important - or is there a friend you've been meaning to connect with? Which is your oxygen?

When it's all said and done - and your head hits the pillow at the end of the night - how are you breathing?

Do you go to sleep thinking about everything you wish you could of done that day - or worrying about things you need to do tomorrow - OR - do you just fall asleep satisfied with another day of living oxygen filled?

Ask yourself this: What are your daily oxygen activities? AND... What gets in the way of these activities being fulfilled?

Once we have identified the priorities and the obstacles - the rest is like shooting fish in a barrel (although I do not advocate guns - but fish is delicious!)

Remember, if you need a little help catching your breath - give me a call - the first one is free :)

Much love!

Travis

Labels: direct life coaching, goals, life coaching, oxygen, purpose, travis thomas

I just finished reading Gordon MacKenzie's humorous and thought-stretching book "Orbiting the Giant Hairball: A Corporate Fool's Guide to Surviving with Grace." Gordon is a free-spirit who worked for the Hallmark Corporation for over 30 years - and his book is a collection of anecdotal stories and advice of what it took to survive the corporate culture.

The "Giant Hairball" Gordon refers to is the suffocating and paralyzing corporate environment that exists in most older successful businesses (not to say they aren't there in young corps too). What starts off as a recipe for success - slowly evolves into a traditional and inflexible structure that crushes newness and creativity in response to protecting the status quo. Individuality and innovation are swallowed whole by the massive bureaucratic "hairball" the grows stronger and stronger as time goes on.

So, how do you survive the hairball?

Do you jump in feet first and try to defeat the hairball from the inside out? Or, do you stay as far away from the hairball as possible never taking the chance of getting sucked in?

Actually, neither.

The solution Gordan figured out for 30 years was to orbit the hairball. He was a part of the Hallmark team, their policies and culture - yet he never sacrificed his unique and individual identity that made him who he was. He never lost touch with his own passions, goals, and principles - even if it meant going against the status quo.

To Gordon, this is what it means to "orbit the giant hairball."

I began to think - what else could be hairballs?

What are your hairballs? Yeah, I wrote "hairballs," not "hairball," because let's be honest - we all have more than one.

Is it the corporate culture you currently work in? Is it the relationship you have with family members? Is it the view you have of politics or the world? More importantly, is your own hairball the view you have of yourself?

Let's say a friend comes to you and dumps a problem on you he/she is having with a mutual friend. Your friend is emotionally charged, and it is obvious they are looking for your reassurance in supporting their feelings.

What do you?

Well, if you agree with them and allow their emotional perspective to suck you into the hairball - you now become a helpless part of the problem. Because, when you are in the hairball - it is impossible to respond rationally and responsibly.

Or, do you turn your back on your friend and ignore their situation? If so, you are avoiding their plight by turning the other way as if it never happened, and at the same time, leaving your friend feeling ignored and slighted.

What do you do?

You orbit the hairball!

In order to orbit the hairball, you need to detach your own ego and accept that "your" own opinions really don't matter. As soon as you think they do - you are sucked into the hairball. But, if you can listen with supportive, non-judgemental, compassionate ears - you are able to get your own agenda out of the way in order to see an unbiased perspective. The result is that you have all the information on how the hairball operates - but you are removed to a safe distance where you can stay clear and composed.

"He couldn't see the forest from the trees."

Kind of brings that expression into focus a little bit. Hairball!

Or, how about, "And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." - Romans

Wow, kind of brings that one into clearer light as well. Hairball!

The truth is, any hairball can be scary, messy, and seemingly impossible when you're in it, but when you become an observer, instead of a participant - it loses its power. It is a spiritual lesson I have known for awhile, yet continue to work on everyday.

Raising your thought (by removing it from the muck) pulls us out of the hairball where we can clearly see where the real problems lay - and then choose the correct (and opinionless) action. Or, as Mary Baker Eddy eloquently wrote, "Progress takes off human shackles. The finite must yield to the infinite. Advancing to a higher plane of action, thought rises from the material sense to the spiritual, from the scholastic to the inspirational, and from the mortal to the immortal."

That is where I want to be :)

I would challenge all of you right now to take a look at the hairball you have you created for yourself based on passed experiences and perceptions. Does failing math in 10th grade still make you stupid? Does treating a boyfriend poorly 3 years ago still make you uncaring? Does remembering how your parents treated you as a child still make you unworthy of love?

I don't know what your hairball is for yourself - but we all have them. And, as long as we accept that as truth and operate within them - they will always hold us back.

In my mental house right now hairballs are being yakked up continually (thank God this is metaphorical). Like a hairball, the result can look messy, but it feels a whole lot better to have the hairball on the outside.

As a life-coach, it is my job to support you in coughing up your own suffocating hairballs - so give me a call.

Much love (meow),

Travis
561.676.4583
travislthomas@mac.com

PS - My friend Traci Fenton from WorldBlu has done it again! She continues orbiting the largest of hairballs - and her work has once again been recognized - this time by the Wall Street Journal! Check it out!

Labels: christian science, coaching, life coaching, mary baker eddy, spirituality, travis thomas, WorldBlu

I have been out of my routine this week.

I usually blog on Tuesday before teaching acting class, but since this is Spring Break in Palm Beach, my normal writing time was on hiatus. Even on my runs this week I haven't had that one idea come to me that I want to blog about. There are some random thoughts that keep jumping around in my head, but nothing has surfaced as "the idea" to write about this week. In fact, I was even one paragraph into a blog and I scrapped it - it was getting too jumbled and I had just started, so maybe I will save that thought for another day.

Here I am...Wednesday late night...and as my patient (and pregnant) wife sleeps beside me - I write this trying not to keep her up because of the laptop monitor glow (she's a real sensitive sleeper). So, since there is no cohesive blog to dazzle your intellect, here are some thoughts skipping around in my consciousness...enjoy!

* Do you think Ty Pennington (ABC's Extreme Makeover host) knew that he was going to be a mega-superstar by pursuing his dream as a carpenter? Is it possible that he became a carpenter because he loved it - and what happened as a result is due to the fact that he followed his purpose and passions - without outlining or trying to control the results? And, if Ty never made it as a TV star because of his carpentry - would he still be happy? I think I know the answer ;)

* The Florida Gators basketball team repeated as National Champions this week. They had the exact 5 starters that they had when they won it all last year. When they won their first title last year, many were surprised when a few of their stars decided to forgo the NBA draft to stay in college for another year. I mean really - who could pass up guaranteed millions just to stay in college and not make a dime, all the while risking an injury? Even with the win, experts predict that some of their draft-status may have even dropped by staying an extra year. So my questions is - do you think they are happy they stayed? I think I know the answer ;)

* In a letter to his employees this past November, Whole Foods Market CEO John Mackey notified them that he would no longer be taking a salary as their CEO, stating that, "I am now 53 years old and I have reached a place in my life where I no longer want to work for money, but simply for the joy of the work itself and to better answer the call to service that I feel so clearly in my own heart." It is my opinion that John has always been working from his heart - and that success was the result of that vision and passion. He is a pioneer in his industry - and might that be more important that his millions? I think I know the answer ;)

Besides, just look at their motto, "Whole Foods, Whole People, Whole Planet."

What would happen if you followed your heart? What could you do if you steered your life in the direction to do the things that bring you the most joy and fulfillment?

"Yeah Travis, but my passion is my hobby, I could never create a career out of it."

Maybe not - but do you really believe that, or are you just afraid of committing to the one thing you love most? Don't worry - you're not alone.

Rachel Ray was teaching a cooking class in a supermarket before she was discovered. Ty got snatched up for a little show called "Trading Spaces." Will Farrell was a bank teller who decided to get into improv, and Oprah was told she wasn't attractive enough to be an anchor - I guess they were right ;) Now, don't think this blog is about "how to become a star," but these people are merely examples of how following your passions can take you to some awesome heights.

But, don't get it bassackwords! These are people who enjoyed what they were doing before they became stars, in fact, becoming a star wasn't even on their "to do" list. But, strange things happen when you follow your heart.

Unfortunately, more and more people have "made a good living," yet they don't really like what they have. They're the ones who have it bassackwords. It's okay, but it just takes a little effort to go from "a good living" to "living the good life."

Let me leave you with a quote that captures what we are all capable of, from my favorite writer Mary Baker Eddy. She writes, "Each individual must fill his own niche in time and eternity."

Are you fulfilling your niche?

What do you know...maybe this blog has a point after all? Maybe not. Tough, that's all you get this week!

Much love!

Travis
561.676.4583
travislthomas@mac.com

P.S. - Thanks to everyone who purchased a book last week - keep 'em coming! You can use this link to buy a copy for yourself or a friend. Plus, if you want to know more about coaching - or know someone who might want to know more - please be in touch with me. The first chat is always free :)

Labels: christian science, humor, inspiration, life coaching, purpose, self-help, spirituality, travis thomas

I am centered in Love!

Right now I am on a personal "Vision Day." This is a day where I take at least 8 uninterrupted hours to study, pray, ponder, and think about my life and the world and "see" it in its spiritual perfection. I am not alone, there were 50+ more people who signed up to do this once a month as well - and at the end of the day you share your inspiration with everyone. I am in the middle of my second day (one a month) as I write this - and I just needed to share this inspiration.

I am centered in Love!

This idea came to me as I was writing "vision statements" for myself. A vision statement involves taking a relationship, job, goal, etc. in your life - and articulating how it would look if you were bringing your true purpose to the table in relation to that idea (relationship, career, etc.).

As I was finishing my last vision statement, this idea popped in my head, "I am centered in Love." So I decided to think about that idea and expand on it.

If I am centered in Love (God, Spirit, etc.) then there is never a moment where I am outside of Love, nor is there ever a time when I am even on the fringe of God's protection and guidance. Yes, I just used the word "nor." To be honest, I have gotten pretty good and seeing my life and existence as always being inside God's love - but there are plenty of times when I don't feel like I am in the center of that love. But on the fringe, I tend to feel like I am dancing there quite a bit.

On the fringe gives me cop-out to know that God is protecting me, but just enough to get by. On the fringe I don't expect abundance - but just enough to get by. On the fringe I don't expect perfect health - but just enough to avoid "the big" problems. Life on the fringe is pretty good - but life in the center is GREAT - PERFECT - ALWAYS PERFECT!!

Then, I thought, expand this idea of "center" for everyone! If everyone (meaning you) are in the center as well - then what does God's kingdom (presence) look like?

Can we all be in the center?

Darn straight!!! But, if you think of the center from a limited material perspective - there is not enough room. But, seeing everyone in the center blows the doors off our perception of abundance and the size of God's reach. Basically, if we are all in the center, yet still individual, then everything outside of our center is still the center - so there must not be an end to the boundaries - just more center. Therefore, God's love and abundance is infinite, never-ending, for me and you and EVERYONE EVERYWHERE!

So, we all have enough money. The world has enough resources. There is no limit to success, health, and perfection - and there is no competition to who can have it - BECAUSE WE ARE ALL IN THE CENTER!!!

Mary Baker Eddy in Science and Health knew about living in the center, she writes, "We cannot fathom the nature and quality of God's creation by diving into the shallows of mortal belief. We must reverse our feeble flutterings--our efforts to find life and truth in matter--and rise above the testimony of the material senses, above the mortal to the immortal idea of God. These clearer, higher views inspire the God-like man to reach the absolute centre and circumference of his being."

A friend of mine shared this quote from Paul Zeiter, "There is a natural law of abundance which pervades the entire universe, but it will not flow through a doorway of belief in lack and limitation."

What does your doorway look like? What feeble flutterings or mortal beliefs are keeping you on the fringe?

Like it or not - you're in the center - so why not live a life that expresses that!

Much love everyone!

Travis

PS - I am always available to help you "see" the center in your life. Write me at travislthomas@mac.com or call 561.676.4583

Labels: christian science, inspiration, life coaching, love, mary baker eddy, spirituality, travis thomas